Support - milk has dried up and 14m old and I are gutted

[Flittingaboutagain]

Baby is 14m (doesn't walk yet so definitely still a baby) was feeding up to 6 times a day and all of a sudden my milk has dried up due to pregnancy. I'm 20 weeks. I was intending to feed until 2 and/or let baby self wean. Neither baby nor I want our feeding to end and the upset is awful. Literally one day we had 6 feeds and the next not a drop. I have been in tears every feed and praying baby will continue dry nursing until my milk returns. Baby can tell me milk isn't there and obviously is upset but still trying to make it come. Seeing baby's face confused and upset crushes me.

Any words of wisdom out there from tandem feeders who have gone through this heartbreak and it all came good?

Ah In so sorry this sounds so rough. I'm still breastfeeding my 13 month old and he's down to 1 feed at morning and 1 at night so I'm worried about this happening for different reasons. No advice but bumping in case anyone else comes along. I would maybe post on Facebook in extended breastfeeding support group too. Or do you have a local bosom buddies group

I tandem fed ds1 and 2. My supply definitely had periods where it dropped off during pregnancy but never totally stopped. If you keep feeding it should return.

Things you can do to help:

• eat and drink plenty (oats are good apparently)
• lots of skin to skin
• keep trying regularly

A word of caution though - I didn't foresee any problems with tandem feeding but I found it really difficult. I had a 16m gap and ds1 went back to feeding like a newborn when ds2 arrived. Eventually I got nursing aversion (only towards ds1) and it was the most horrible feeling I've ever had. I really wanted to feed ds1 as well as ds2 but as soon as he latched on I got an overwhelming urge to push him off - like how you'd feel holding your hand above a fire. As soon as he'd unlatch it was fine again. I tried a few different things to help but in the end I had to stop feeding ds1 as it was too upsetting for both of us.
I stopped bf ds2 when I was pregnant with ds3 because I didn't want our bf relationship to finish with the same feelings as it did with ds1. Nursing aversion when tandem feeding isn't uncommon so I'd give some thought about how you might manage that situation if it developed.

Thank you so much for replying. I've been struggling so much with it. I think it would be hard even if baby was ok with it but we're both upset.

Is that genuinely what you'd say to a friend or sister who came to you for support? You'd use those words? I take it you haven't actually been through this at all and have no idea of the strength of a sudden hormone drop when your milk goes from being able to feed 8x a day to gone overnight!

@Juicylychee do you get off on upsetting already upset mothers? What a nasty comment.

@Flittingaboutagain I hope you are doing ok. Has the milk returned? I fed my first till about 5 months pregnant but I didn’t dare continue past birth because I’d had a lot of issues feeding. It’s magic though if you can do it - good luck x

@Phunny we're both doing well thank you. I bought so many lactation products before speaking to La Leche League and the NCT breastfeeding helpline who both said because it's hormonal there is absolutely nothing I can do. Little one and I have adjusted into a dry nursing pattern several times a day on demand, with the occasional defrosted expressed milk and it doesn't cause upset so just shows how much it's about connection too! I am wondering if my colostrum is on its way because I've had some breast pain.

@Flittingaboutagain that sounds really positive, well done. I read a really good book about tandem feeding when I was thinking about it. I can’t remember what it was called but it had a picture of a superhero on the front (that was the only annoying bit, the rest of the book was very good).

If you're just dry nursing now I'd take the opportunity to switch it out for a comforter and cuddles, if I were you. There are definitely benefits to breastfeeding toddlers but if there isn't any milk they're not getting them, and it will be much, much more distressing to your toddler to wean when the baby is there getting milk on demand.

Aww handhold OP. My DS1 was just a year, when he suddenly refused to feed, I then found out I was pregnant with his brother. The midwife did say that because DS1 was so young, he might become interested again once he saw me feeding DS2, he didn’t. Try not to be upset about it though, not good for you or your baby. Good luck

Just wanted to update. Baby was born in Feb and tandem feeding is going well. Dry nursed until my milk came back as colostrum in the third trimester. Toddler didn't want to wean although I offered cuddles etc and I am happy to carry on for now.