Breastfed ds (20wks) still feeding completely randomly. Should I be doing something different?

[spangly]

Ds is 20 weeks old and doesn't seem to have fallen into any pattern with his feeds either day or night. Sometimes he will go for 3-4 hours without a feed and other times only 20 minutes. Sometimes he'll feed for 5 minutes and sometimes 2 hours. The lack of predictability is exhausting me, especially as I never know what kind of night I'm going to have. It's also taking its toll on DD (2 1/2 years) as it's difficult to plan anything.
I was wondering if it would help to set a routine for him. He currently wakes up anytime between 5 and 9am. Should I wake him at a set time each morning and feed him and then feed him at set intervals to see if this helps? Has anyone any experience of doing this?
If it was just ds I'd probably just bear with it and hope he fell into his own pattern but I do feel like I'm letting DD down as she needs some attention too.
Also, do you think it's possible that my supply is affected by the variable pattern?

You can set a routine for yourself but your DS may not follow it

My DD didn't get into routine at all till 9 months. I tried, but she ignored me. One thing I did notice though was that I was probably feeding her because I didn't understand what she wanted (often she was bored). I started doing more with her and she stopped fussing as much and when she did feed she really fed if you see what I mean.

Also she would have quick feeds when she wanted a poo I noticed, so I guess she was windy or something.

Can you feed in a sling - that way you can do more with your DD and just get on with things?

Thanks whomovedmychocolate - I know what you mean about ds not following it. I guess I'm just clutching at straws. DD was in a routine of sorts by now and it's so hard not to compare, as hard as I try
Good point about misunderstanding cues though. I'll try doing more with him and see if it helps. As far as poos go, I've had to post separately as that's a separate issue at the moment
I'll try and give my sling another go. I'm not the most coordinated person and struggled to feed with ds in it last time I tried. I'm not great and wandering around with him feeding either unfortunately.

For what it's worth, I followed a loose 'routine' with my dd who is/as bf. We initially did it for weight reasons (the usual thing that HV's flap about.....) but it worked for us. She was content, I knew where I was and didn't end up feeding at every grizzle (as WMMC points out can happen), and my supply was fine. We started out doing 3 hourly feeds and yes, I woke her to feed her. Occasionally we'd do a shorter stretch if she wa sobviously hungry, but didn't need to do this much provided I make sure she fed well each time. I didn't start at any particular time, but if you've got another little one I guess it makes sense to, so that you can make some kind of pattern for the the rest of the day. My sister is trying this with her twins at the moment and when I last heard it was going OK (and yes, they are bf too). I'd say you've got nothing to lose if you try.

Argh!!. 'WAS bf'..... 'MADE sure'.... etc etc for all the other examples of poor English/typos....

My DD fell into her routine at 6.5/7 months I would just follow her lead now once she starts solids that will put more structure into both your days.

Hi spangly - DS has been in routine from very early on (was only a 5lber when born), so had to feed every three hours, and yes I would wake him, (moved to every 4 hours at 4 months). At 6 weeks started to do a bedtime routine - feed, bath, massage top up feed and into cot for 7-7.30. If DS wasnt awake by 7am - then would wake him. Dropped nightfeeds around 12 weeks and increased intake during day etc. etc.

I have basically followed the baby whisperer routine - which many would say is not for them, but I have found it a godsend, especially the parts about reading DS's cues. It has helped to recognise when DS is getting tired vs. bored vs. hungry. At 19 weeks - I can (touchwood) pretty much plan round DS's naptimes and mealtimes. He is a happy chappy and so am I - so for us routine has been worthwhile.

But DS is my first one so I couldnt tell you if he would have fallen into his own pattern in time. And there is also no telling if he may suddenly decide to throw routine out of the window.

HTH

Thanks for your posts. DS woke himself early today so I've decided to try and see if he'll go 3 hourly between feeds (obviously I'll feed him if he's screaming with hunger before then). It's encouraging that it worked for you Arrietyclock and that it seems to be working with your sister.

Your baby sounds a dream Dal21 and I'm very jealous of your baby dropping nightfeeds at 12 weeks (I can still be up hourly). I think maybe I was spoilt with DD hence finding it all harder this time round. DS has a bedtime routine and now expects to go to bed at 6.30pm so I wonder if he's just a baby who likes routine. We haven't tried a dreamfeed yet but it might be worth looking into. We loosley followed the baby whisperer routine with dd but she wasn't that fussed. DS may well like it though so maybe I'll dig the book out.
Thanks again

Hi spangly - its interesting but I have a few friends now - all whom have said that their daughters were easier as babies than their sons. The BW also alludes in one place - to boys being more 'challenging' shall we say.

dropping the nightfeeds was not easy though - involved 2 weeks of not getting much sleep between 12-4 (had to use wake to sleep). Just as I was ready to throw in the towel and start feeding again - DS started to not wake for feeds. Didnt last for long though as he has recently started to wake loads.......babies...

Dal21 - when I had dd all my friends who had boys said 'just you wait' so it's obviously a common feeling that boys keep us on our toes a bit more
FioFio - I think maybe my wording was a bit misleading. Ds does fit in around us. As you say he has to. I do still plan things for dd and we still do all the same things we used to. It's just that sometimes when we are playing at home or planning to do an activity at home it's less fun for her (and me) when ds is screaming (I never have got the hang of feeding on the move - I'm not a natural). However, I do think maybe I just need to get better at reading his cues and then maybe things will fall into place better. I suspect maybe I feed him when actually he wants something else (eg sleep) quite often.