Another absolutely exasperated with breastfeeding post

[MatronicO6]

So it's been 13 weeks and when I see some marginal improvement, I am still so exasperated and frustrated with breastfeeding.

I did demand feeding, I fed her every hour, I relaxed, did skin to skin, pumped and did everything recommendation under the sun. Yet still every afternoon I am greeted with a screaming baby who hungrily feeds but doesn't seem to be satisfied.

We now supplement with formula for her night feed, which is heavenly! She is so full and content and sleeps for a good 5 hour's. So when she wakes at midnight, I am definitely full, despite being as engorged as I can be and letting her take a full feed she wakes hungry after 2 hours. And the cycle begins over. I have even managed to slave aways pumping throughout the day to give her an expressed bottle before lunch nap. Which buys me three hours. But once we reach the 3pm to 6:30pm slot I just have a baby who constantly feeds and is constantly unhappy. I am a slave to her feeding and pumping.

Feel like I can do nothing in case when wants fed and has an absolute meltdown when not satisfied. We are due to go on holiday soon, first since pre COVID and I am dreading it because of breastfeeding.

The worst thing is despite everything I have done, I feel like a failure for not being able to feed my child and wanting to give up. I set myself the goal of 6 months but I just don't think I can do it. I want to give her "the best" but also want to start enjoying my baby and take her to the park, enjoy walks and regain some semblance of my own identify and life beyond feeding.

I don't know what I want from anyone who reads this. But I just wanted to say it somewhere.

Firstly, if you decide that formula feeding or combi feeding with a few more bottles of formula are what's best for you and baby as a pair, you haven't failed. Enjoying your baby and looking after your own well-being are immensely important, and you have to do what's best for both of you in the round. She's also benefitted from 13 weeks of breastmilk, whatever you decide to do going forward.

That said, it sound to me like perhaps baby is struggling to extract the milk efficiently. Have you had any professional help with latch and position (preferably recently, not just when baby was a few days old)? Has she been assessed for tongue-tie (preferably by a specialist)? The infant feeding team where I am has been very good, but other people find they need to look for a private IBCLC consultant and/or private tongue tie practitioner.

I could have written this with DC1. I persevered with combi feeding for 22 bastarding months. Wish I’d had the confidence to just go with formula from week 1. Mine had an undiagnosed tongue tie that was only spotted at 7 months as he couldn’t eat off a spoon. Fixing that improved everything.

@MatronicO6 I hear you and am replying to give you solace you are not alone and most certainly not a failure. The sheer fact you're at week 13 (91 days of being on call to feed 24/7!!) is phenomenal. Having driven myself borderline insane at points of my bf journey, I am at peace with the fact there are times I can choose to have a horrific day with my little one battling bf for hours or, I can give her formula on top of what I've given and use those precious hours to actually enjoy her. Either way she is fed, I am no lesser a mum, the difference is the quality time we have together.
Do you @MatronicO6 - please don't feel guilty or pressured (even by your own expectations) to give or do something that takes away more than it gives you. Be kind to yourself and remember, being a mum is so much more than being a dairy cow!!
Never make a decision on a bad day but know that if/when/whatever decision you reach will be right, as it's about whatever's best for you both.
Hoping you have a lovely holiday and wishing you continued success (as you have succeeded despite your inner voice suggesting otherwise) in your feeding journey xx

I combi fed from the start as I wanted dd to take a bottle when it came time to go back to work (6 months). I remember that while she was this age and growing rapidly I would spend hours every evening feeding her. She also never slept through the night even with a formula bottle before bed.
I never worried that she wasn’t getting enough and I didn’t pump until I got back to work. Try not to worry too much and if cluster feeding isn’t for you then go for formula feeding. Your baby has had all of the immunity benefits from the first few weeks feeding and your mental health is more important than stressing yourself out.

The sleeping thing might not be totally related to the formula. It's common for the first portion of sleep of the night to be far longer than the others. Both my DDs when tiny (one still is) would do a stint of 4/5/6 hours at the start of the night and then more frequent wake-ups from then on. So it might just be that's her sleeping pattern and you need to take advantage of that five-hour stint.

I switched over from breast to bottle feeding gradually when DC1 was 8-10 weeks old. I felt extremely guilty at the time but afterwards it was such a good decision for DC1 and me. He was immediately so much happier and started settling much more easily. Do what you want, take as much time over your decision as you need. Good luck OP, they do grow up, DC1 is taller than me now and eats well!

Just do what works best for you as a family in terms of reducing stress, tiredness and being able to share the burden of feeding etc. We switched to formula for this reason; I'd seen so many mums really struggling for months on end, expressing for 4 months and it made them a wreck.

Btw, my DC have no allergies (and were formula fed from 5-10 weeks old). I made sure to sit closely with them when feeding to recreate the closeness. Was also totally led by them in terms of weaning (they started with baby rice, then veg around 4 months old).

Good luck!

It's totally up to you if you decide to change how you feed - whatever works for you. I breastfed our first to 4m when I needed surgery for a breast abscess and I had to stop. Going full time on to formula (it was actually high calorie formula prescribed by the paediatricians because he had a big weight problem despite feeding all the time) didn't help him sleep at night, and I'd say that shouldn't be a reason to change how you feed. Waking at night is important for babies to learn regulate and can prevent SIDS, so it's really important. Our son has only just started sleeping through the night at nearly 3yo; previously he could wake anything up to hourly - it's totally normal, some children just need less sleep at different periods in their development.

Oh @MatronicO6 what you've described is so familiar to me - feeling like breastfeeding is a full-time job that I'm not very good at, feeling that I was failing DD . . . it was awful. I eventually switched to formula when DD was five months as I needed to take medication that was incompatible with breastfeeding, so the decision was taken out of my hands, but after the initial guilt and devastation, it was great. I was able to finally enjoy my baby and not live in this awful cloud of feeding stress.

I wish I could go back in time and just formula feed from the start, or at least after the first few weeks. The first few months would have been so much happier.

Tbh my kids woke up every 3 hours or so for the first 5 months?..... nobody said this was easy! That's why I coslept 🤷🏻‍♀️