Anyone else in the trenches with newborn? BF support thread

[Hugasauras]

Thought it might be nice to have a thread for anyone currently establishing BF with a newborn or baby of any age!

DD2 is 5 weeks tomorrow. We've had a bit of a bumpy ride. She latched on like a dream before we even got to the recovery room after my section, which was a stark contrast to DD1 who took six weeks to latch on for the first time!

She fed really well but I think because I was partly immobilised for a while due to section (I was bedbound overnight as they didn't want to remove catheter so late when I got to the ward about 10pm), her latch wasn't ideal and I ended up with severely damaged nipples.

I had to stop feeding her and express ('luckily' I exclusively expressed for DD1 until she could latch and feed properly so still had all the gear) until they healed, and then it took a bit of a battle to get DD used to breast again as she was too impatient. We had some awful awful nights where I couldn't get her to latch and she would be screaming and I would be in floods and DH was saying that he couldn't watch us like this and maybe it was time to go to formula, which was def evidence of how bad it was as he is super supportive of breastfeeding and helped so much with DD1. But I think he was worried I was heading down the road to PND this time and I think I was one bad night away from switching to FF when we turned a corner. The good thing is that she's a brilliant sleeper like her sister; she does 4-5-hour chunks overnight and 3 hours during day, which has helped to keep me sane!

The last week she has been about 90% on breast with the occasional bottle of EBM that I've collected using the Haakaa. I fed her for the first time out and about the other day, as a week or two ago she would take sometimes 40 mins to latch on and we would both need crying.

I suppose I'm just a bit sad that it's been so difficult again. I did eventually feed DD1 for a year and really loved it so I'm hoping that things can only get better from here now and we are past the hardest bit, but it has made the first few weeks not as lovely as I'd hoped and I feel like we have some catching up to do with bonding.

Anyone else finding their feet?

Sorry that was really long and self-indulgent! Guess I have a lot I need to get out

@Hugasauras Hi, I'm brand new to the whole bf'ing thing so I have zero advice for you. DS was born on Saturday by EMCS. He latched in the recovery room. Then had a mix of colostrum which I had harvested prior to going to hospital and on the breast. I was in hospital 3 nights (standard for my hospital) he mostly had syringes the 1st night. Then a mix the 2nd night. 3rd night I was expressing some milk and still finding it hard to get him to latch. Tuesday night at home it was all bf all night, latching somewhat awkward but manageable he woke every 2.5 hrs. I had to wake him in hospital.

I suspected tongue tie and MW thought the same. A consultant confirmed it and he had his tongue tie release yesterday. The MW said I would have a 'new baby' well I did, but not in the way I imagined. He drank a bottle of expressed milk in the clinic after the procedure. But point blank refused boob. Yesterday/ last night be was on/ off taking the boob. I gave him 2 expressed bottles. The screaming was breaking my heart. The second the boob when near him he lost it.

I bought nipple shields today and he is taking to them. Latched on for 30 mins straight away. He has had 2 fantastic feeds since I got them. So I LOVE them!! So glad I had the expressed milk and seemingly a lot of it, I only have a little silicone pump.

How did you get DD1 to latch after 6 weeks?

@Irishfarmer Congrats on your new baby! Sorry to hear about your struggles but fantastic news he got on and fed. It's amazing how magical it feels when it happens! And I'm a bit jealous - I tried nipple shields to help my poor battered nips but even though DD2 feeds totally fine on the breast normally, she seemed unable to transfer much or any milk with the shield on so it didn't really work out for us! So it's great that you're having success with them.

Have you tried delatching him after a few mins, taking shield off and trying him back on? When I was talking to my lactation consultant about nipple shields generally she suggested that as a 'best of both worlds' or interim solution.

DD1 had a really tiny, tight mouth when she was born and just seemed physically unable to latch so I expressed and would try to latch her once every day, just more of out of curiosity after a while than believing she would ever do it. I'd like to say I did something to get her to latch but one day we just sat down to try as usual and she latched on! It was a bit of a sloppy latch and she wasn't very efficient at feeding, but gradually over the next six weeks she got better and better and I was able to taper off and eventually totally stop the pumping and she fed perfectly fine until she was 1.

I think sometimes they just need to grow a bit. Their mouths are so tiny, and even just a week or two of growth can make a big difference.

Hello! I'm 3 weeks into feeding DS2.

I fed my first for two years but during the first 4 months we literally had every issue imaginable.

This time I thought I would be a pro but ...no. Not quite. I've had to pay a lactation consultant because I couldn't get him to stop pinching my nipple. Basically he's doing that because my boobs try to drown him with fast let down so he chokes if he opens up properly. I have to lie almost horizontal for each feed which is a nightmare for my separated abdominals. I'm hoping it's a case of small mouth as he was a dinky 6lb at birth and only 7lb now.

I took him to a cranial osteopath who released some of his tensions so hoped that would help but not noticed a massive difference to feeding yet. He's definitely a bit happier in certain positions so I'm sure it did something.

I assumed this time would be plain sailing too after DD1! But I sent a sad little begging email to the lactation consultant I used with DD1 at about 3am a couple of days after we got home. She said she often gets emails at that time of night!

I'm sure in a couple of weeks you will notice a big difference. Between 3-4 weeks with DD2 I noticed a sudden leap in ease of latching and this week things have gone from being excruciating on latch to the point I was in tears to being largely painless except for a bit of a pinch when she latches on.

Really hope that's the case for us. I really don't know what more I could do to improve things!

@YesItIsI interesting, I've never heard of a cranial osteopath I had a quick look at what they do.

@Hugasauras I can imagine that is prime time for them getting phone calls! I called my health insurance 24/7 nurse helpline last night. I actually got through to a nurse who just said she had 20 years experience in one of the largest paediatric departments in the country.

The nipple shields seem to let DS think they are he is having a bottle which he seems to have no issue with. It's a pity they didn't work for you. I have fed him 3 sessions with them and offered him just the nipple each time also. You'd think I was torturing him the way he reacts. But I will keep trying each time.

So you'd pump then bottle feed and she still managed to latch? That's great to hear. I am tired so thinking I will give him a bottle for his night time feeds or at least 1 of them DH can do it. Also I only have 2 nipple shields for the night

At 5 days old I am not too worried we will get there hopefully

I keep forgetting to make sure the breast pads are in place or I've popped my bra back up. Keep leaking everywhere. I hate oversupply!

Aw this is so stressful. He loved the nipple shields. Now he hates them 😭he bawls and bawls it's taking about 10/15 mins to latch him. Not sure if that is long or not but it feels like forever.

I feel ready to give up and get bottles. I feel so cruel to him he clearly doesn't like it.

Aww no @Irishfarmer ! It's super stressful. DD was taking up to 40 mins to latch a couple of weeks ago and it was so upsetting for us both. I eventually stopped trying after 10 mins or so and gave some EBM instead and then tried again when the edge was off her hunger a bit. It passed after a few days so no idea what the problem was.

Do you have any support from a lactation consultant? Or maybe calling a BF support line?

@Hugasauras oh wow 40mins!! What is EBM? Pumped milk? I have tricked him once or twice with switching.

I am looking into getting a lactation consultant. I'm in ROI we don't have a support telephone line unfortunately. The public nurse is with me monday though and she is meant to have qualifications in lactation so I will hopefully get thro til then. DH wants to start formula he said he can't watch this and listen to baby in distress which I do get

Yes, pumped milk!

What makes me feel better when things are tough is thinking about it like it's a natural skill that babies (and us!) have to learn and a bit of crying and frustration is sometimes part of that process and part of the learning curve. DD now latches on instantly with no fuss, but I think breastfeeding is about getting over the 'hump' of the first few weeks. It gets dramatically easier after the initial 3/4 weeks, and by 8 weeks or so it's quite often plain sailing.

The challenge is getting through the tough bits early on, but they really do not last even though at the time they feel all consuming, so if breastfeeding is something that is important to you then maybe set a deadline of four/five weeks and if things aren't much improved by then, consider other options. And if you need to give a bottle or whatever to make your life easier during this bit then I wouldn't stress. DD has had an occasional bottle from her first week!

When it's established and working well, it's lovely, but it's bloody hard work to get there sometimes

How are things today @Irishfarmer ?

@Hugasauras stressful day yesterday. The public nurse got me to bring DS to hospital she was concerned about a few bits so I was pretty upset. We were seen immediately in A&E due to his age and thankfully all is fine. But I think the upset affected my milk a bit, I didn't produce as much yesterday and still today I don't think.

She was great though for help, she is a lactation consultant. He has been latching very well today and last night was pretty good too. Only takes him a few mins of fussing then he settles and off he goes anything from 20 mins to nearly an hour. How are you?

Can I join? Struggling quite a lot with feeding. Baby is 4 weeks old and had tongue tie snipped last Thursday. Since then I have really struggled to relearn a good latch and so she is still latching shallowly. And she is constantly feeding. I mean literally constant, there are hours and hours where she will feed for twenty minutes then I need to keep her upright because she spits up a lot and then needs a nappy change and then is hungry again. I'm ruined.

I also have a similar situation to the last poster and am looking for help. My 4 week old also had her tongue tie snipped last week but is still latching poorly and I don’t know what to do to improve things. She takes a large feed (3-4 oz) by bottle after our breastfeeding attempts so I’m worried she’s not getting anything much from the breast. I know that won’t help my supply but don’t want her to go hungry or get dehydrated. Trying to pump too but not much time as I’m mostly settling her or trying to find time to eat or do the bare minimum around the house in between feeds.

@Irishfarmer I'm so sorry, I missed your update! Hope your little one is okay after the hospital trip, that must have been scary for you all. DD1 got readmitted for jaundice and because they thought she was jittery, and it was horrible. I was so worried about history repeating itself with DD2.

How's his latching now? Is it taking a bit less time?

@GrowBabyGrow That sounds totally exhausting for you. Have you had any support with latch etc post-snip? I imagine there's some re-learning to do but definitely worth accessing real-life support if you can. Was there any follow-up from TT clinic?

@trrk If it's any consolation, DD would take what seemed like a lot from a bottle after feeding but I think she just took it cos it was there, if you see what I mean. Her weight gain has been fine and I have plenty of milk - but if I offer her a bottle I'm sure she'd still give it a good go just as she likes to suck and the milk comes so easily. So it might not be that she's not getting enough. As above, it sounds like you could do with some face to face support. Have you spoken to any lactation consultants or specialists?

ladies

This was sent to me by a lactation consultant. It's not quite tongue tie specific but it's meant to train up the relevant muscle and reflexes.

Skin to skin is also meant to really help them use their reflexes and get a better latch.

I have message to ibclc tonight and begged her to reassess to gue tie. Cranial osteopath helped a bit but mostly things have gotten worse. I think the tight tongue had caused his high palate to get worse. I now have agonisingly sore blocked ducts 😖😖😖. Sent to ibclc videos and she doesn't think he's using the right muscles so looks like he'll have a lot of relearning to do if he gets a snip too!

@Hugasauras Thanks for the advice! I’ve been trying to find a lactation consultant without much luck so far. Have signed up for a local breastfeeding drop in but it’s not until Friday. Unfortunately no follow up from the tongue tie clinic as we had to go to a different NHS trust to get it done. DD is literally screeming for more food after a breast feed. How can I tell the difference between normal cluster feeding type behaviour and screening because she’s not getting enough milk from me?

@Hugasauras we've had a bit of support from the midwife but think I need to hunt out a lactation consultant. I find in the hard chair of the surgery I can get the positioning and latch ok (although not sustainable- the chair hurts my back!) but it's at home that it is harder, especially at night. So maybe getting someone to come to the house so I can get tips in my usual feeding spot.

We had to go private for the TT as it was such a long wait in our area and even then had to travel more than an hour to the private hospital although they don't offer follow up.

It is so good to read from your posts that things get better

Just wondering how you’re getting on with your LO now? Am trawling mumsnet for posts like these as currently have a very hungry BF 5 week old who I can’t put down for ages after a feed due to sickiness. Wondering how others coped and when it got better for them! Am getting almost 0 sleep…

@BumbleBee92 I'm not the OP but said I'd reply anyway. First off well done it is so hard in the beginning.

DS is now 6 months. There are ups and down. He went through a great patch from maybe 10 weeks to just before Christmas of sleeping from 11pm to 6/7am ish. He is now back up to waking every few hours at night. I have just started solids and the public health nurse said to up feeds later at night as he might be hungry but I think he is teething and looking for comfort, but I will start feeding him more today.

I am lucky DH was home every day for lunch (we live on a farm) and I sometimes went to bed for half an hr when he was home to recharge.

I know it's the old saying 'sleep when baby sleeps' and it's a bit of annoying, but at the start I said feck cleaning/ cooking (thank Christ for batch cooked frozen meals)/ looking good myself. I sat on the couch with DS and binge watched things like married at first sight. I was still exhausted as he often wouldn't be put down.

Have a water bottle and snack station and set yourself up on the couch.

I initially wanted to get to 6 weeks. I got to 14 weeks of EBF (some in bottle) then started giving him a bottle of formula once a day so I could have a break if I have a 2nd one I would most likely introduce formula earlier but that's a very personal decision I know some women would balk at that for me it was a life saver. Now at 6 months we are flying with BF and I am so glad I stuck with it. I love the way he gets so excited when he knows its boobie time and the way he looks up at me and tries to stroke my face (grabbing fist fulls of hair not so much
)

Are there any BF support groups near you? I did a few online ones with la leche league and they were good. But I'd have loved to have gone to an in person one

To update on what I said before: he had an extremely tight posterior tie. Somehow it had tightened after the initial consultation so that was cut. There is still a very slight restriction but weaning has taught him to use his tongue better and latch is fairly easy and pain free now. Sometimes he tightens again during teething spells but it resolves itself.

The reflux was bad until about week 8-10 I think. Probably more like 8.

I was told week 6 is the worst for reflux and it did seem to be true for us.

Dairy makes him really sicky and uncomfortable so I cut that out completely.

You will get through this! 💪

Name change fail but if you're interested you'll work it out...

@Irishfarmer @Whyx thank you and glad that things seem to be going well for you, hope the current night wakes settle down soon x