Baby that doesn’t breastfeed for comfort

[penguin303]

My baby is now 4 months old and is EBF and overall I would say that the experience has gone well. Baby didn’t lose any birth weight and gained very quickly, he hasn’t been weighed in a while now with actual scales but using my scales he seems to still be gaining. Also plenty of wet and dirty nappies so overall no concerns on supply and him getting enough milk.

My main concern which may sound silly to some, but I don’t feel like he particularly enjoys feeding. He has never found the boob a source of comfort, he has never used my breast to fall asleep, he will only latch when hungry and is a very efficient feeder (max 10 minutes). If I offer it to him and he’s not hungry or he is upset then it only makes him much worse. He also had his first nursing strike recently after a sickness bug and this was tough and I just feel like we haven’t come back from it 100%. He has a dummy for sleeping and sometimes I have to alternate between the dummy and the breast quickly to encourage him to latch and actually feed. He is incredibly impatient at waiting for my let down and so if he has to work for it he can get upset. He also often goes through phases of preferring one boob (not always the same one either) and if I offer the “wrong” boob, he will cry.

Is any of this normal? Writing it down it does seem silly to say “my baby only feeds when he’s hungry”, it’s just that I hear experiences of other women just being able to offer the baby the breast and that fixes everything so I feel like my experience is quite abnormal.

Congratulations on your Easy Baby op! Bloody well embrace it!!
Be sure your next one won't be the same!!

I think likely he uses the dummy for comfort instead of the breast, tbh, that's basically the whole point of a dummy.

Yes - DS2 is exactly like this, which was mad because DS1 nursed for comfort for two years before self weaning (he just stopped asking when I got pregnant with DS2 and felt harder on me than him at the time...). It certainly confused me a lot. But as time has gone on two other differences have emerged... DS2 is much, much better with solids than DS1, he loves absolutely anything and eats really well. He's now 11 months and for the past month or so, he's started to reject the dummy and nurse for comfort from time to time. I think as he is becoming mobile and spending time away from me, he's choosing to nurse.

So I don't know if this helps as of course all kids are different, I just thought I'd offer my experience!

@Littlebirdyouaresosweet Writing it all down did seem incredibly silly. I will admit he is generally an easy baby and I shouldn’t complain, it just isn’t what I expected at all.

@MolliciousIntent That makes sense, it’s also obviously what I used it for so I shouldn’t be surprised. Just thought that he would take either/or but seems to prefer the dummy if upset.

Not all people find the newborn stage & bf difficult.. Maybe you feel a bit guilty you are managing so well? Honestly the Terrible Two's may be here before you know it. Or your dc may skip that also!! My ds is nearly 8 and still a dream dc..
Unlike some of his older siblings..
Now there are some stories!

@triplecheeese Yes this experience really helps, thank you. I have wondered if perhaps when he is older he will use it for comfort more, particularly once on solids. I guess I am just confused by the lack of connection that a lot of women talk about when feeding, at the moment he feeds for business and that’s it!

How old was he when you introduced the dummy?

@MolliciousIntent About 6 weeks, but to be honest, I found him similar before this. He would try to latch on for comfort but he didn’t want the milk and it would make him uncomfortable, so he preferred the dummy.

My DS was like that and honestly I thought it was great ... I never 'fed to sleep' so he never associated the breast feeding with sleeping so it was really easy to put him down to sleep, he also happily mix fed which mean DH could feed him when I wanted a break. Personally I much preferred it that way ... DS was very happily 'independent' !

Yes my girl only ever used me as a food source, never fed for comfort. We did have some weight gain issues for a while at around 4-6m as she wasn’t feeding regularly enough but that’s sorted itself out. She’d rarely give hunger cues once she’d past the newborn stage either, Id have to just randomly offer. Id often offer boob if she was upset and she’d refuse, which to me makes perfect sense as if the actual issue is she’s tired, or in pain etc etc more milk isn’t the answer! Sleep or pain relief is! I know for lots of BF babies boob is the answer to everything but it wasn’t here 🤷🏼‍♀️

My ds was like this. He’s never been massively into food for comfort (now 11). Still sees meals as something he has to do rather than great joy.

Dd was a total boob monster and so it was a real shock, she loves her food, always has, loves cooking too (now 14). Really interesting how early these patterns become apparent. DS is very affectionate and loves a cuddle, he was a much easier baby!

@Ragwort Yes I would describe him as independent, he has never been a velcro baby either and could put him down to sleep (in the sleep regression at the moment so we won’t talk about that). But ok great, I obviously need to learn to appreciate this and stop worrying about it. I felt like something was missing and perhaps I wasn’t doing something right and so therefore wasn’t as desirable for him. Feels so embarrassing when written down!

@Allsizes8to14 Yes! The lack of hunger cues is also something I had to figure out. Glad to hear you went through something similar. You’re right, milk won’t always be the answer, I just naively thought it would be!

@wonderstuff That is interesting as I would say that was always my attitude to food too, only once pregnant and now breastfeeding have I actually found to crave food.

My DD 8 and DS 3 are exactly the same. He would feed to sleep but actually now he still feeds first thing in the morning but not to go to sleep, whereas for DD the feed to sleep was the last one to go. She went above the 90th centile from around the 75th whereas DS has gone down from 75th to 25th but still has plenty of energy and slept better than DD did as a baby.

I have 4 dc and they all mixed fed. The two that were all business with feeding as infants, are very much business about eating as teens… the two that loved to linger with that last milky sip and snuggle and would happily have a milk snack here and there are now both my food lovers, will snack all day, try new foods, cook creative meals etc etc. I hadnt connected it before, its v interesting

Mine never fed for comfort, she was always in and out, 12 minutes was our record feed. Because of that, I never weaned because it was no hassle and continued to be no hassle until about 18 months. The last 6 months, she'd feed for comfort all the bloody time if I let her. So, there's still hope OP 🤦‍♀️😭😂

Really glad to hear that others have been through this too, and interesting about the link to an interest in food later on in life.

Definitely not complaining, I am sure it’s the easier way to be, but not what I expected and thought I must be doing something wrong 😂

Hi,

I just want to message and say I’ve had the exact same concern with my little one (7months). Baby has not used the boob as a source of comfort and only really feeds when hungry. When I’m at groups I see all the other mums feeding when the baby gets upset and have to admit I start to question myself and wonder why it isn’t like that for us. I also feel silly saying it and dont feel above to ask anyone about it but your message has been really reassuring for me - so thank you! It’s hard not to doubt myself when for most the boob seems like god and the medicine for comfort X

I could have written this myself!