First time posting- I would really appreciate some thoughts or to hear from others who've perhaps experienced similar if possible.
DS has been (almost) exclusively breastfed for 13 weeks.. The odd 50ml or 70ml of EBM or formula here or there when I've been worried about hydration.
He's my first baby and as far as I know, he's not a great feeder. Since day one I've had to coax him to feed, wake him up, prompt him etc. Many people have said 'if he's hungry he'll ask to feed' but this just isn't the case unfortunately - I've left it several hours before, only to wake him or offer the breast and him suddenly realise he wants it. His suck has never been very vigorous and often times he slows down or gives up and falls asleep (this was especially in the early days). It feels like hard work, setting alarms or clock watching in case it goes far beyond 3 or 4 hours, compressing throughout the feed to try and get him to take a decent amount of milk (otherwise he's happy to just doze off). I'm exhausted mentally and physically. At 3 months it feels much the same as it did weeks ago.
I've found breastfeeding rewarding at times, but also very stressful to the point of it being a continuous source of anxiety for me as I'm always worried he's not getting enough or that his lacklustre feeds will negatively affect my supply and create a vicious cycle.
One of the biggest causes of my worry are the obvious changes in my supply - I know at 13 weeks it should be settled by now but I feel like it's still very changeable and sensitive. If he's not fed well for a couple of days, I feel a knock on effect a few days down the line and it makes me anxious again. Then I go about trying to add in pumping sessions to restore supply and I'm tetchy and anxious because of it.
He snack feeds mostly - hardly ever a text book proper long feed where I know he's satisfied and can go a few hours afterwards. He doesn't feed properly outside the home so I don't really feel I can leave my flat. The furthest we've gone on an average day is a 30/45 min walk around the park and home again - I feel like I don't really have a life.
When I set about breastfeeding I had visions of it being brilliantly freeing, portable and convenient, but instead I'm just an anxious person clock watching on my own in my flat.
HV and lactation consultant said no obvious tongue tie. He just doesn't seem motivated by milk like some babies are.
Might there be some medical issue with me as to why my supply still fluctuates so much even at 3 months? I feel pessimistic about the fact this could go on for months and months.
I'm not sure what to do or even if there's anything that can be done but I just wanted to get this off my chest...