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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

3 months breastfeeding continual struggle

6 replies

Tixy22 · 22/06/2022 13:41

First time posting- I would really appreciate some thoughts or to hear from others who've perhaps experienced similar if possible.

DS has been (almost) exclusively breastfed for 13 weeks.. The odd 50ml or 70ml of EBM or formula here or there when I've been worried about hydration.

He's my first baby and as far as I know, he's not a great feeder. Since day one I've had to coax him to feed, wake him up, prompt him etc. Many people have said 'if he's hungry he'll ask to feed' but this just isn't the case unfortunately - I've left it several hours before, only to wake him or offer the breast and him suddenly realise he wants it. His suck has never been very vigorous and often times he slows down or gives up and falls asleep (this was especially in the early days). It feels like hard work, setting alarms or clock watching in case it goes far beyond 3 or 4 hours, compressing throughout the feed to try and get him to take a decent amount of milk (otherwise he's happy to just doze off). I'm exhausted mentally and physically. At 3 months it feels much the same as it did weeks ago.

I've found breastfeeding rewarding at times, but also very stressful to the point of it being a continuous source of anxiety for me as I'm always worried he's not getting enough or that his lacklustre feeds will negatively affect my supply and create a vicious cycle.

One of the biggest causes of my worry are the obvious changes in my supply - I know at 13 weeks it should be settled by now but I feel like it's still very changeable and sensitive. If he's not fed well for a couple of days, I feel a knock on effect a few days down the line and it makes me anxious again. Then I go about trying to add in pumping sessions to restore supply and I'm tetchy and anxious because of it.

He snack feeds mostly - hardly ever a text book proper long feed where I know he's satisfied and can go a few hours afterwards. He doesn't feed properly outside the home so I don't really feel I can leave my flat. The furthest we've gone on an average day is a 30/45 min walk around the park and home again - I feel like I don't really have a life.

When I set about breastfeeding I had visions of it being brilliantly freeing, portable and convenient, but instead I'm just an anxious person clock watching on my own in my flat.

HV and lactation consultant said no obvious tongue tie. He just doesn't seem motivated by milk like some babies are.

Might there be some medical issue with me as to why my supply still fluctuates so much even at 3 months? I feel pessimistic about the fact this could go on for months and months.

I'm not sure what to do or even if there's anything that can be done but I just wanted to get this off my chest...

OP posts:
WorkEvent · 22/06/2022 13:47

How is his weight gain?

I’m about as pro breastfeeding at they come (still feeding my 19mo) but if it was making me anxious and stressed, I’d be inclined to stop.

Tixy22 · 22/06/2022 13:51

He was born 25th centile and has hovered between 9th and 25th since birth - he seems to be fine but its because I've been working so hard to get him to this point.

I've considered giving up before but the guilt and upset was horrible. I do know, though, there has to be a line drawn where both our well being needs to take precedent. It's just really hard to accept I might need to stop.

Bloody nature and hormones!

OP posts:
Moonandstars2118 · 22/06/2022 13:51

How is his weight tracking? I have a 13 week old DS and although he does cry for food he’s recently become a really difficult feeder (largely due to reflux) so I have to feed little and often and sometimes really push him to feed. But because his weight is tracking well I’ve been told not to worry. But i really sympathise with you and the toll it takes ourselves! Especially with the warm weather it’s an added worry.
With regards to your supply if you’re only pumping every so often that could be why your supply seems a bit inconsistent - I definitely find it really increases when I’ve pumped so I try and pump once a day to level out the supply. xx

Tixy22 · 22/06/2022 13:56

Yes same he's remained fairly stable weight wise but it's because I've worked myself silly trying to get him to feed.

He's also very gassy, indicating tummy ache a lot so I think that also puts him off feeding properly. I had hoped he'd have improved with his gut by now.

Interesting to know you pump every day consistently... Is this something people do to keep on top of supply?

OP posts:
Moonandstars2118 · 22/06/2022 16:16

I started pumping every day to see how much he was feeding as he lost a lot of his birth weight initially. Now I do it as I wake up with very full breasts and want to relieve a bit of the pressure so that I don’t give DS a fast flow which makes his reflux worse. But then it stays the same level of supply for the rest of the day which is helpful.

GPT3 · 23/06/2022 14:01

Is he unusually placid in general or unusually sleepy? If so then you need to get advice from a pediatrician.

If not then it's very likely that the reason he never cries with hunger is that you always feed him before he gets to the hangry stage.He takes quick snack feeds because he is an efficient nurser and he only needs quick snack feeds. Not wanting to feed when you are out is also quite normal - whenever I've taken DS out anywhere he would always be too busy looking around to be interested in nursing. He'd go way longer between feeds when we were out than he would at home but that didn't put me off leaving the house - I just trusted that he would make up for the missed feeds eventually.

If he has a few days when he doesn't feed as often followed by a few days when he feeds much more often and your boobs feel totally empty that doesn't mean that your supply has totally plummeted and your baby is going hungry.

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