Help with what to do!

[Mikkelsmum]

Hi all,

I'm at a bit of a loss. I have a 7 week old dd. 8 weeks on Thursday. She arrived at 36.6, not sure if that matters. I'm not a first time mum, but my DS died the day after he was born, so I'm not sure about what is normal and what isn't!

We have had a tough time of it. She was hospitalised twice, first for jaundice and then for ten days for really bad reflux (she was vomiting blood).

I really wanted to EBF. Because of the hospital stays, I ended up having to express and bottle feed her breast milk. My supply is good, no issues there.

I do have a couple of issues though.

1 - I'm finding the expressing and feeding her exhausting. I feel like I'm constantly trying to find time to express. She can be quite clingy and it's hard when she won't be put down. Also, at night, I get up to express and I'm in a constant state of stress in case she wakes up before I'm done.

2 - she cluster feeds / has a fussy period in the evenings. Sometimes, like last night, from 4 to 9pm. It's exhausting. I put her on the boob and she uses the nipple as a dummy. Sometimes it works to keep her calm for a while, but most of the time she screams non stop and I end up with sore nipples. The dummy doesn't work at all.

I'm at a bit of a loss what to do. I want to move to formula. Especially as my husband is going back to work next week. I don't think I'll manage the expressing without him here. Also, I can't go back to proper breastfeeding, partly because I need to know how much milk she's taking in, and partly because I don't think she would want to.

But, I'm worried about the fussy period/ cluster feeding aspect. Putting her on the breast calms her down a bit. So if I can no longer do that (no milk) then I'm worried my evenings will be worse.

But also, I think if I move to formula, she won't have that cperiod in the evenings of incessant crying.

I just don't know what to do. Is the evening screaming even normal?? For 5 hours? I'm exhausted from it- I hoped it would calm down by 6 weeks, but if anything, it's gotten worse!

Any advice is really appreciated!! Thanks!

It’s fine to move to formula if you want to. But lots of babies have a witching hour anyway, with mine it was overtiredness and was solved by a strict nap routine.

Thanks @RandomQuest - can I ask, how do you implement a strict nap routine? For all 7 weeks I've pretty much hone with the flow, so not sure how to do that. Amy tips are welcome!!

Will she take a dummy?

@bloodywhitecat I have tried and tried the dummy, but she just spits it out!!! I wish I had started the dummy in day 1!!

I'm very sorry for your loss.

It does sound kind of normal, I mean, the first weeks were screamy and exhausting and shambolic for us.

I feel your pain with the expressing - that's hard work and very difficult to do anything else (such as look after a baby) at the same time. It's not all or nothing though. Why not very gradually reduce the expressing and introduce formula one feed at a time, until you find a rhythm/balance you can sustain comfortably?

Try different shaped teats op.
Worth persevering imo.

Try looking at Gina Ford for some ideas on a routine.

It doesnt sound like the expressing and then bottle feeding is sustainable for you and a happy well rested Mum is very important, so formula could be a good option. But dont forget that you can express and feed in the morning, use some formula at lunch time, express and feed for mid afternoon and then formula last thing and overnight. That might give you enough of a break to make things more doable. She might be more fussy in the evening as your milk supply is naturally lower then, but also if she is over tired.

The only way mine got used to the dummy was if I put it in and then gently tapped on the end for a few minutes, or kept a very gentle pressure on it. They often have to get used to having to suck all the time (or it pops out) and that helps the, to get the idea.

Thanks @SeaToSki and @piratehugs , you are right, I hadn't thought about combined feeding, I'll give that a go and see what balance works for me. I appreciate your advice, thanks!!

Just thought, it also might be looking at what you are eating… mine would tie themselves in knots with unhappiness if I so much as thought about eating anything with onions and garlic in it. I had a friend who had to stop eating all mustard, broccoli and cabbage.

@SeaToSki how on earth would you know that they were reacting to something like onions or garlic. Like specifically? I've bought a lot of frozen ready made meals and I'm making my way through them, so as not to have to worry about cooking!!

Gina Ford. It is strict and definitely not for everyone but worked well for us. I’ve also heard good things about Huckleberry for timing wake windows but haven’t used it personally.

I agree OP to persevere with the dummy and try different shapes. I also agree to try mixed feeding and if you end up solely on formula you could try skin to skin to calm her in the evenings. Other things that might help are the tiger in the tree hold, baths and a walk in the pram or a sling.
Does she have any symptoms of CMPA. What did the hospital say was causing the reflux and vomiting blood? Is she medicated?
With naps I used to go off how long they’d been awake for, there are various resources to help you work out how long a baby of a certain age can stay awake for.

For the Gina Ford, its a book called the Contented Little Baby Book

for foods to avoid during breast feeding, you just have to do trial and error. I started by eating really bland foods like cheesy pasta and peas, ham sandwiches and lettuce and cucumber etc…get a baseline and then add one thing in at a time. Of course if the baby has a dairy sensitivity it wont help, but with that kind of thing the crying would be more likely to be after every feed and also have runny poos.

@SeaToSki thanks! I've ordered the Gina ford book. Interesting about the foods. Thanks for that.

@WhatNowwwww thanks! Yeah, she's on oneprozole. A really high dose. I'm wondering if i need to up the dose again as she has started sucking her hand. That coupled with the general bad form she's been having.

The bleeding was caused by the acid aggravating her oesophagus. So she was tube fed until it healed and now on medication.

Not sure about CMPA, no one mentioned it.

Mine fussed with bran flakes and brassica so cauli broccoli etc. can you get a pump that goes in your bra? My sil had one and it was amazing she could move round and do stuff whilst pumping and she used to prop herself up and snooze whilst pumping.

A dummy is also great for refluxy babies, that's the main reason I wanted DS to take one. He absolutely refused and refused and I tried loads of different brands and materials and then what finally worked was for two days I put the dummy in his mouth every 15 minutes he was awake and tapped on it to encourage him to suck. I'm serious. Just kept putting it in. Never held it there, never forced it, never tried to make him take it if he was upset. Just kept popping it in. On day 2 he sucked and from then on it's been fine.

Incidentally he's never been obsessed with it and woken for it at night, but it's been a godsend in helping him get to sleep especially as he refused to sleep anywhere except on us until 4 months old (around the time he finally started taking the dummy I think).

He's now 18 months and has it just for sleep, but it was also so helpful on a long haul flight recently. His reflux started to get a lot better around the time he turned one.

Whoops pressed post too soon.

We also attached the dummy to a comforter when he was one, so that when it's time to ditch the dummy he'll still have the comforter toy which should have some comfort connection transferred to it since he cuddles it when he puts his dummy in.

I'm very sorry for your loss of your son. It must be a whirlwind of emotions having your DD, and especially with we having a rough start. I wish you all the best

Thanks @addler, it's been really tough. The pregnancy was really stressful as very high-risk and dd being unwell too.

But yes, dd is amazing, but it's a constant reminder of what my ds didn't get a chance tonhave or experience.

Thanks for the dummy advice. I'll keep persevering with it!! It's great to hear your advice.

Also, I was told her reflux would get better at 4ish months, definitely when she starts solids! Was this not the case with you?

@nattynoonoo821 thanks! I must look into this pump that goes into the bra!! Thank you!

Interesting about the foods... I wonder.

Hey, OP. You're doing really well, congrats on your baby and I'm so sorry to hear about your son. Sounds like you've had a tough few weeks.

The expressing sounds like really hard work. I don't quite understand why you're not putting her directly to the breast - you say it soothes her, which sounds like a good thing, no?!

Cluster feeds in the evening are when your baby is 'putting in her orders' for how much milk she needs - the more she feeds the more you will produce the next day. So it's not using you as a dummy, it's how a baby establishes, boosts and regulates your milk supply. It can be bloody hard work, I know! They happen periodically when your baby needs to ratchet up your supply.

As for colic/reflux - there may be something in your milk that's causing it - as noted some foods may not agree with her. Breastmilk is generally easier for a baby to digest than formula. Formula moves through the gut more slowly. If it's a cow's milk allergy, then cutting this from your own diet may help, and moving onto formula may well worsen it.

Tiger in the tree might help, and sometimes carrying around baby-wearing can help, motion, backrubs, etc. Again, I feel for you, it is not fun having a colicky baby. I used to find just having a bath with mine helped, warm and lots of skin to skin.

More info here on GERD and reflux, and some suggestions for ways to try and help:

kellymom.com/hot-topics/reflux/

6 weeks is still really early, you're both still recovering from birth and feeding may not be settled yet.

You can tell if she's getting enough milk from wet/dry nappies, and your regular weigh-ins with HV/midwives.

Shout if there's anything else I could help with.

His reflux definitely got better as he got older, but I wouldn't say it was a magic fix as soon as he started solids. It just made the reflux colourful and chunky

I'd say it slowly got better as he got older, but it hadn't really gone until he was about one. Until then he would have days where he still have hiccups all day, he burping a lot and throwing up his milk. But he also didn't seem be in as much pain with it, so I didn't mind the cleaning up so much since he was happier.

But around one it was pretty much gone completely, but even now he's 18 months he still has an odd day every month or so where he seems to be really hiccupy still. So on those days we just let him eat little and often and pace his milk to avoid any sick ups.