Reassurance on bf please?

[ChocolateHobnob]

Hi,

My DD is 8 weeks old, exclusively bf, thriving (25th centile at birth, now following 50th line). We saw the HV yesterday who asked how well she slept. When I told her (she sleeps badly, but it isnt hunger, because she doesnt feed nonstop all night, though she does feed at night) the HV said that feeding on demand was causing the problem and not putting DD on a feeding schedule and letting her cry if she wants to eat at other times. I don't get this - I thought feeding on demand was normal for an 8 week old?? HV seemed to imply I was spoiling her - she kept saying DD's hunger shouldnt rule my life.

I feed DD on demand and it does vary according to time of day (she cluster feeds in the evening and spaces feed out at night) but she tends to feed seven times in a 24 hour period. She does around 5 poos a day. She is following her weight line and is healthy and alert. I don't think she's eating too often...
Does this all sound okay or am I creating a future monster, as the HV implied?

Anyone who uses the words 'should' and 'shouldn't' in relation to patterns of infant feeding needs urgent retraining.

Your HV is giving you poor advice and poor support....as you suspect

Babies need to have their normal needs for comfort and hunger met, and when their needs are met, they become more confident, less whingy later on, and grow up with better self-esteem. There is bags of research on this, and a lot of scientific back-up from the fields of neurology and biochemistry (showing exactly what happens when babies are made to wait to have their normal needs met....it's to do with cortisol levels and the way neuro-pathways develop - read Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt for an accessible account of all this). Letting a baby cry is especially unkind and especially dangerous to future mental and emotional health - this is not an exagerration.

On top of this, 'letting the baby cry' is not the sort of parenting style' you have shown you want to adopt - so she is undermining your choice.

You should not let your dd's hunger rule your life? Eh? I can't think why anyone would not respond to a baby's hunger as a matter of great importance....at 8 weeks, what could be worse than having your need for food and drink ignored? 8 week olds do not understand the concept of 'I'll feed you in an hour when the clock tells me I am allowed to' ....unlike adults, they do not have a notion of 'patience' or delayed gratification...and I bet that if the HV was thirsty and was told she was not allowed to have a drink of water/tea/coffee until the right time showed on the clock, she might object

She sounds like the sort of ignorant HV you might do well to avoid - what do you think?

I think HV is talking out of her arse.

Sounds like you're doing a fine job - feeding an 8 week old on demand is the best way to establish a successful breastfeeding relationship - this is the same hv who will be telling you to top up with formula in a couple of weeks time if you follow her advice.

Sorry, am still gobsmacked at your HV suggesting that you allow your 8 week old to go hungry.

argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Thanks. Your responses echo what I thought - ie that the woman has no idea, or at least has an idea that I don't have to subscribe to! It might be different if I was struggling to feed her, if she was demand feeding every hour out of 24, but all I said, in response to a question the HV asked about sleep, was that DD didnt sleep through the night. The HV then blamed my BF on demand. In fact, DD isnt up asking for food nonstop - often she is playing or just wants a hug. So the HV was on the wrong end of the stick anyway.

Next time I think I'll just say 'she sleeps fine' and then the HV wont have any advice to proffer! She is doing fine, and I dont want to limit her food intake or ignore her. As you've said at this stage she is expressing needs and it would be cruel to dismiss them. Thanks for the reassurance! I will continue as before and ignore the HV.

(I should add that we saw the GP too - eight week check and vaccinations - who believed in demand feeding and talked way more sense!)