Help! May not be able to breastfeed but want to do the right thing.......(a long ramble)

[IrishMammyto2]

Hi All,
I would really appreciate some advice as the more i think about this the more i end up in a pickle....

My third DC is due to be born on the 20th January, and i am thinking about how i should feed him/her...

With my dd i ended up formula feeding her at 3 weeks, as she lost over one pound in the 3 weeks since she was born. She was a very discontented baby, not weeing, pooing sleeping just screaming for approx 20 out of 24 hours.
She was later diagnosed with silent reflux at 7 weeks and until recently i believed that the reason she lost so much weight was because she expended so much energy on crying and not sleeping. She was on the boob more or less all the time she was awake so it definetly wasn't a case of not stimulating milk production.

With my ds, at 5 days old the midwife had a long serious chat with me about how much weight he had lost and the fact that my boobs were so soft and yet another discontented baby that i wasn't producing enough milk. I was adamant that i was going to breast feed him as i wanted to feed both of them so much and felt that i had been "robbed" about feeding my daughter. However due to tiredness and despair i gave him one feed a day of formula, (yes i know it dosent increase supply but i was in despair....) Anyway within another five days he was totally formula feed and putting weight on. Diagnosed with (milder than his sister) silent reflux at 5 weeks.

I never got that full, sore, milk coming in feeling that i hear others talk about. My breast pads were rarely damp let alone need changing. When i stopped feeding them my boobs were not sore.

As i said above i am due no.3 in 2 weeks want to do the best thing for this little one as well.
My boobs are now smaller than they were before i got pregnant and i cant help but wonder if i just wont produce milk...would i be better off just going straight for the formula. Or should i aim to give the colostrum for the first few days/feeds, how will i know when to start formula if i go down this route?

I am less adamant this time about breastfeeding, as i spent hour after hour feeding my older two and think this will be nigh on impossible with having two older ones. (Now 2.5yrs and 5yrs.)
I also question in the back of my mind whether the lack of milk/starvation went some way towards causing the reflux instead of (as i believed at the time) the reflux making baby so discontented minimising my supply due to lack of sleep rest etc. For this reason i dont want to attempt breast feeding in case it triggers or exacerbates reflux.....

Anyone got any thoughts, experiences, advice etc?
Thanks in advance...

I'm not an expert but I'm sure you will get plenty of encouragement on here and an answer re the reflux issue you mention. Just wanted to say that I think you need a breastfeeding EXPERT rather than your HV; I've read enough on here to make me realise that it is quite likely that the health professionals you see, may not actually be best placed to give you expert help.

Have you contacted your local NCT to see if they offer breastfeeding counsellors?

Thanks for replying.
I went to a breast feeding clinic both times before and they said latch was great, etc etc.
I totally get what you mean re hv and mw's. They may be fab in general, but not specialists in breast feeding, or all things baby. Thats why i thought i would ask you lovely lot...

Keep an open mind and come on here for advice/support when the baby is born.

Hace a look at Association for Breastfeeding mothers website too

Am not sure about your bf/ff dilemma but ds had severe silent reflux (he was on three medications and had an oxygen requirement for a few weeks) and is still bf at 17 months, so silent reflux alone shouldn't be an obstacle with the right medication, advice on positioning etc. It can make the baby feed all the time, as the milk soothes the burning from the reflux, so this could be a reason for the constant feeding. Sounds like you could have done with a lot more support with the previous two, would second the other posters suggesting getting advice from someone who really knows what they're talking about. Good luck!

No reason you can't try again with this one IM. Even if all baby gets is colostrum that still makes a big difference and is definitely better than nothing.
Am a bit about the mw commenting on soft boobs at only 5 days - ok 4/5 days is average for milk coming in but can take up to 7 days, or you may have been more efficient that you thought and boobs adapted to ds's small feeds quickly. I never got leaky boobs either but it is not the best indicator of production.
Hopefully if you can get a good bcf or join a support group you can give it your best shot. Good luck

Thanks for your replies.
Leige: sorry to hear you too have had to deal with reflux, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Both of mine were on numerous (5 at one point)meds which were a battle to get increased according to their weight increases. Really dreading having to deal with it again as heartburn has been awful again this pregnancy

Jacks: i think the mw was confident that i wasnt producing enough as ds wasnt having 4/5 wet nappies a day, wasnt settling well, losing more than 10% birth weight by day 5...

At the moment i think i'm with you on the "colostrum is better than nothing" but how long would you think this would be of benefit if baby is going to lose as much weight so quickly? ( i cant really phrase this any better, hope it makes sense)

Hi IM, yes it still makes a big difference. best start for digestive system and immunisations. Here is one link for the benefits by time period if it helps.members.tripod.com/~bmsg/howlong.html

Sorry - pressed post before I added 'so even just a few days is worth it'

it's great you've started getting informed now - if you phone up the nct lines you should be able to get loads of information and hopefully a support person/contact lined up to help you in the early days. the kellymom website has some useful links on reflux as well, www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/reflux.html#refluxsymptoms which are worth reading.

I don't have any really concrete advice but thought you might like to know that I don't get my milk in until day 6, and both times was on the verge of being 'helped' onto formula.

With DD1 she was a CS so they assumed it was because of that but DD2 was a natural birth, latched on within 5 minutes of being born and I still didn't get any milk properly until the night of Day 5, it was only colostrum before then (I was expressing by hand to show DH that that was why she was fussing so much.)

Both times they lost a lot of weight and both times i didn't get engorged until days 6/7, well after my milk had come in (after they guzzled for 24 hours nonstop!)

I don't know about teh reflux but be reassured that being engorged or not doesn't mean anything, and not getting milk for awhile is not that unusual!