Full Weaning vs. Night Weaning what are your experiences?

[LGBirmingham]

Just that really.

DS is 15 months old and eats solids very well. He doesn't take any milk at all at nursery and does fine there 3 days a week.

I had hoped to keep breastfeeding until he self weaned or was at least two but I've started to really resent the breastfeeding. In the day I feel like he is using me as a drink and snack bar as soon as he is hungry or thirsty if there isn't another alternative and I'm feeling annoyed by it. I don't resent the feeds for comfort, such as the one straight after nursery as it feels like there is a genuine need for that one. In the night he can only wake once or twice and go quickly back to sleep which isn't so bad but on a bad night it can involve around 4 wakes and sometimes it feels like he is really dragging it out, suckling for 40 mins or something ridiculous. I just feel done with it.

From what I've read it is really beneficial to breastfeed until they are two if you can but the way things are now I just want to throw in the towel. I'm not sure where to start? I also wonder if we successfully nightweaned would I feel differently and be able to keep the day feeding going which would still give him the benefits of breastfeeding? I appreciate that nightweaning might not stop the nightwaking, but I'm wondering if it might make it possible for DH to get involved again. Until about 6 months he used to be able to take care of some of the night wakes and settle him with a bottle and DS would fall asleep in his arms, but that just stopped working and DS wouldn't go back to sleep and would just get very upset.

Anyone have any words of wisdom from their own experience? We won't be doing controlled crying/similar as it's just not for us, although I can empathise with the levels of sleep deprivation that drive people to take this option.

DC1 - night weaned (by going cold Turkey at night) age 10 months, although I did end up feeding him around 4-5am as it was the only way to get him to sleep until a decent hour, managed to drop that feed by introducing a gro clock at 19 months.
The night weaning was a game changer for me and I was happy to continue daytime feeds until he turned 2.

DC2 - 19m old - about to introduce a gro clock and drop the 4-5am feed. I recently cut down daytime feeds as she wanted to breastfeed a lot and wasn't eating enough solids. So now I just feed 3x day (morning, after lunch - just before nap, and bedtime) and will probably cut that down a bit, maybe drop the midday feed first (she obviously doesn't have that feed when I'm working). I'm planning to stop breastfeeding completely after she turns 2 but might stop sooner, I'll see how I feel.

It is probably a bit silly but I feel I have to be fair to DC2 by feeding her as long as I fed DC1

I might weaned at a similar age because I was working and DS kept me up all night reverse cycling. He BF for another year but I was very much of the distracting method after that so really only 3-4 times per day.

I’ve started! Not going to lie, it’s hard going. We’re going ok with cold turkey but my left boob is a bit engorged, my right one must have stopped working ages ago as no sign of milk in there at all!

Going to see how it goes, if it seems too hard I might see if I could just keep a morning feed for just a few weeks and then phase that out but don’t know if that’s just worse really…

Good luck @Corilee2806

We've had sleep throughs the last two nights, for the first time ever!! If this continues I will start to put limits on day feeds. Although past experience tells me to never expect anything Good with baby sleep to last

How has your first day been? How has LO taken it?

So it’s not been going too badly in the day, he seems to have accepted it quite well and we’ve been busy with Easter break so lots of distractions. I’m ok, bit of engorgement but kept on eye on it and think the milk is starting to go now 6 days in.

It’s the nights though… I don’t know what to do. My husband has been doing them as it’s the only way he can settle, I can’t do it without boob yet, will try again when my milk has gone. He’s been really tricky and even though I’ve given my husband time to catch up on sleep in the day, the last few nights he’s losing it and getting really angry with DS which just isn’t on! I’ve offered to try and take over but he’s saying no. Today I’ve left him at home, I just need to be away from him. I know it’s really tough but he’s been shouting at him, calling him names etc. i wonder if I’ll just have to carry on feeding him at night, I don’t know what else to do.

Oh @Corilee2806 that does sound really tough! Definitely isn't on for you husband to be shouting? Sounds like you're doing great in the day though. I will definitely follow some of what you've been doing when I'm ready to fully wean. I must admit that day weaning feels like a more insurmountable challenge to me than the nights.

Not sure if it helps your situation but I'm still taking care of any night wakes. I read in Lyndsey Hookway's book 'still awake' that it's best for the primary care giver to do the weaning as it's overall less distressing for the child to have you there for them. But also to expect them to be really, really upset and cross but not to get caught up in their drama. Just be calm and cuddle them and soothe in other ways. The first night of not feeding here there was one wake which lasted 2.5hrs with ds very upset on and off, but remembering what Lyndsey Hookway said really helped me to feel calm.

Perhaps your husband needs to just accept he will be upset and just remember that being open and present whilst ds is upset during this difficult transition is 100% enough without needing him to immediately calm down or go back to sleep? Sometimes you just need someone to cry on and hear you don't you?

Still not fully night weaned either though, if he wakes from 4 am onwards I offer a feed but only a short one and don't let him fall asleep on the breast. We've had some sleep throughs but mostly only wakes once. Last night was more but we were staying at my mums which I think is why. He actually settled within 5 mins each time he woke though, like he was just checking I was there.