Any advise on stopping breastfeeding please.

[Sweetpeaherman]

Hi. I am fairly new to mumsnet, and wondered if anyne out there can give me any advice.

I have a little boy who is just one, and is still breastfed. He is doing well on solids, and drinks water and juice during the day, and will also drink a little milk from a cup in the afternoon, although probably only about 100mls over an hour. I then breastfeed him at 7.00 and he goes to bed around 7.30.

He has never slept through, and when he wakes up in the night, I have always fed him back to sleep as it was the quickest way. Ay one point he was waking once, and I always hoped that he would just drop this feed, however for the past 3 months he is waking 2-3 times.

I know many people here have breastfed beyond one, which I think is admirable, however I feel like I would like it to come to an end.

This is turning into a very long post, so if you are still reading, then I am grateful, and I'll get to the point.

When he wakes up in the night, I don't want to leave him in his cot to cry, and feel that this isn't an option. He has just gone to sleep tonight for the first time in his life without being breastfed, dh gave him formula in a cup, of which he had about 100 mls, and took him upstairs. He cried for about 2 mins and then went to sleep in his arms, and is now asleep in his cot, but I am unsuare what to do when he wakes up, and also concerned that he isn't getting enough milk and fluid.

Has anyone else been through this, and if so can you give me any advice. Should I offer him water or formula in a cup, (we have tried a bottle a couple of times, but this just seems to get him even more upset)and is there anything other than I can do apart from me or dh cuddling him for as long as it takes for him to go back to sleep.

I feel very cruel, and writing this is making me upset and I dont know whether I can do it, or whether I'll end up breastfeeding him again, so I would be very grateful if anyone can share any similar experiences and offer any advice. Thanks.

You have done brilliantly to breastfeed until your little boy is one and you are in no way cruel to feel like you want it to come to an end - those guilt feelings are just wonderful aren't they? I'm trying to remember back to when my little girl stopped breast feeding in the night - the brain cells have deteriorated since becoming a mum! If I remember rightly, stopping the night feeds wasn't as bad as I anticpated. I think she got a bit upset but because she got lots of cuddles calmed down very quickly. I think initially I gave the feeds but wouldn't feed her to sleep if you know what I mean. She then got used to getting to sleep on her own (albeit in my arms initially). Then slowly stopped the night feeds altogether. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you very much for your reply. I have tried a few times to just cuddle him, but he gets very upset and within seconds is screaming, it just seems to be the only thing that he wants and to be the only way that he will calm down.

If I confess I have already fed him back to sleep- he woke up a while ago and after both of us trying to placate him for 20 mins we gave in and I fed him, so my new regime has faltered already! It's so hard because for me I want to stop, but when I see him so upset, I just think that he is the most important thing and I don't want him to be that upset! Oh well, I'm sure we'll get there in the end. Thanks again.

I think dd was about this age when we stopped night feeds. From my experience I would say that it will be easier if your dh does all the cuddles and drinks when your little boy wakes in the night, and you don't go in at all, as he'll just want to feed if he knows you're there.

This was what worked best for us in the end - it was always hopeless if I went in, and I'd usually end up breastfeeding her. It's hard for a few nights, but it's a great achievement when they finally are able to get themselves back to sleep on their own.

I'm sure lots of others will be along with more advice. Really good luck with it.

One other thought - personally I'd consider keeping the bedtime breastfeed in while you're sorting out the night-time waking, and just phase out bf gradually. But it's very personal of course. Good luck anyway whichever way you decide to go.

You could try reading this article - it assumes you're co-sleeping but I think some of the principles will help even if you're not.

I don't want to undermine your decision, but are you sure you want to stop? If you're upset to the point of crying over it, maybe you aren't quite ready to do it? Apologies if this is insensitive. I'm still feeing my nearly-thre-year-old to sleep, so what do I know?

Hi Sweetpea,

Well done for feeding until one BTW.

As others have suggested I would view the 2 things seperately i.e. stopping night feeds and stopping bfing altogether. I still bfeed DD2 in the mornings and at bedtime if I am home but never in the night as I had had enough (she is 21 months). With DD1 I stopped bfing at 8 months and regretted it so this time I carried on and it just gets easier and easier.

I am not saying that you shouldn't stop bfeeding, just to maybe not associate stopping night feeds with stopping altogether.

Also there is no need to buy formula unless for some reason he cannot have cow's milk.

HTH

Sweetpea, I wanted to share something with you that really helped me when my ds went through a phase of refusing to be fed to sleep.

The well-known attachment parenting expert Dr. Sears once said "a baby crying and fussing in its parents arms is not the same as crying it out alone".

If you know your ds' hunger is satisfied (e.g. through a cup of cows' milk) then if he cries out of tiredness then, you could just cuddle him until he goes back to sleep. He might cry - he might cry a lot - but it's not the same as just leaving him to cry on his own.

HTH.

Wow, your post is v. timely for me too! last night was the first night that i stopped bf'ing my 1yo, and for exactly the same reason as you. DD has been increasingly needing me when she wakes in the night and I just have got so tired that I feed her about 3 times. On Friday I bf her before bed, but DP went to her through the night. She really really cried her heart out. It was awful. Last night I didn't bf her before bed, DP put her to bed (for the 1st time in a year), and went to her when she woke. This time she cried a lot when going down but then slept till 4am, which is a MASSIVE improvement.

It is so hard to know if you're doing the right thing. I feel really sad that I will not be bf'ing my DD again (feeling very teary today - and huge boobed!). And, I don't want to deny my DD. But, I also feel pressure to stop. Both by outsider comments and also my own needs. Sigh.

Good luck with it.

Goldpony, it is just a thought, so tell me to shove off if you want.

Might it be easier on you if you dropped feeds gradually rather than doing it all at once, say over the space of a few weeks? That way, your supply will adjust accordingly and you won't get the same engorged feeling.

But I suppose psychologically you might prefer to "get it over and done with" too. It is just a suggestion.

Yes, I am totally torn and am thinking that it might be easier in lots of ways to keep giving her JUST one feed/day before bed for a week or so. But, I also feel/know that waking and bf'ing have become very much intwined: I can't manage to not feed her during the night when she's crying if it remains an option! Plus, I don't want to give her mixed messages. Much clearer for her if bf'ing has just stopped?

Confused.

My DD is 15 months. Initially I thought I'd breastfeed for a year. Now I'm saying okay, 18 months . But I do want to stop for various reasons (period hasn't returned and I'd like a gap before finishing b-feeding and conceiving another child). I know what you mean about it being heartbreaking,and I hope I can keep my resolve and have finished by 18 months.
I'm trying to cut it down gradually, the "don't offer, don't refuse" weaning technique. Get her distracted if she seems to want a breastfeed in the daytime and offer something else instead.
Night is another story, because like you, its the only way she settles. But I think around the 18 month mark, I'm just going to bite the bullet and rock her back to sleep when she wakes in the night rather than offering the breast. I know it'll be tiring, but I just don't really want to breastfeed for much longer, but I know DD loves it I'm hoping with this method she'll eventually forget about it? But maybe I'm just being naive...

Are you sure you want to give up the whole thing, or just the night feeds?

Our DS3 is 16 months and I gave up night feeds at 8/9 months by just cuddling him to sleep, offering water, and eventually putting him down awake while I stayed in the room, gradually withdrawing until he would go down awake-ish.

I sprayed myself with perfume before going in to settle him once I had given up, so that he wouldn't smell my milk as easily. The whole thing only took about 3 nights. I also found it helped to come downstairs onto baby forums while I was cuddling him as it distracted me from the crying. My HV said something very interesting, which was to remember that some of the crying will be him being cross, rather than unhappy.

I thought it would be hard not to feed at night too, but actually once you have made that decision it is very easy. I even managed to get back on track immediately having given two one-off feeds in the night after a) we were at my parents' house in one room and I hadn't been to sleep at 3am when he woke and I wanted him asleep quickly and b) had to take all three DS to the out of hours Dr one night when DH was away and wanted him to settle quickly again at 3am.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I totally agree with you and ideally i think i would like to take it all a bit slower. But, like Sweatpea's DS, my daughter goes from whimper to full blown screaming in a very very short time. Breast feeding is the only way we've found to help her calm down. Unfortunately our neighbours have become a factor (banging on the walls) and I just feel I need to change tact comepletely now as bf'ing to sleep 3 times a night is so exhausting in the long run (I work). So, I am expressing to keep my boobs from exploding and we're pressing on with it. (Also we're staying away from home for a few days to give the neighbours a break).

Sweatpea have you decided to leave it for now? Last night DD woke between 1.30 and 3.30 but didn't get her up, just patted/rubbed/held her back. Lots of tears but eventually she fell asleep - until 6.30.