3 week old won't finish breast.

[Arcoiris3101]

My DS is 3 weeks old (as per yesterday) and I have been struggling with breastfeeding this entire time. At times I've felt that I've cracked it but then I get so much conflicting advice that I don't know what to do and it doesn't work for my son.
I've been told to feed on one side and let him finish that breast for as long as he wants, which I try to do, however, it comes to a point where he unlatches on and off and it's really distressed. At this point I wind him to see if that's the problem. Sometimes I get a burp Sometimes I don't. So I tried again but he doesn't take it. After a while - I'm talking an hour- I give up and offer the other breast which he takes and the cycles basically repeats itself. After a while he's upset but he doesn't seem satisfied as when I present him the breast he will try and latch. After two hours of this on and off nightmare I give up, as I am too upset myself, give him to husband who settles him very nicely (something I also seem to struggle as I feel he only wants me for feeding and will very often start rooting). Husband has been with me all this time but he's going back to work next Monday and I'm so so so scared of being by myself because I just don't seem to feed him right or settle him.
He has plenty plenty of wet Nappies so I know he's not dehydrated and his poos were mustard and seedy so far but yesterday which can mean he's not getting enough of the hind milk. He also had a posterior tongue tie that got sorted yesterday, so maybe this has affected him?
I don't know. My HV is not majorly concern as he put his birth weight and a little biy more quickly (by day 10) but I feel so inadequate and ready to give up breastfeeding because as much I want the best for my baby, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Someone more knowledgeable will come along I'm sure, but just wanted to say if your baby is putting on weight and having wet and poo nappies, then you must be doing something right!
Mine is only a few weeks older and I'm still finding my feet with breastfeeding.

If they unlatch maybe they have had enough? It's only since abiut 5 weeks old that my baby will ever take both breasts in one sitting. They have been cluster feeding to the point that I don't know when to say one feed has ended and another has begun (if trying to tot up how many feeds in one day).
Have you got any breastfeeding support groups near you? I went to one and got good advice (free of charge but can make a charitable donation, also paid for a lactation consultant).

It sounds like you are doing really well so maybe try to access the support you need.

As far as I remember the finish the breast advise was because it was thought that the better fattier milk was at the end but that's been challenged of late. You can switch sides as soon or as often as either of you want. Go by his cues, if he wants to swap let him.

If he unlatches and won't go back, I would offer the other side. If not interested but happy leave him be and maybe hold/rock/sing off to sleep. You're doing great, this is a tough time.

I'd just switch him when he gets restless on boob 1 and not fret about it. No need to spend an hour with him latching on and off if he'll latch onto boob 2 happily. If he's not interested then just leave it for a bit and try again later.

Firstly you’re doing an amazing job 3 weeks in! It’s very hard work, so well done!

Personally I switched sides more often than this! Maybe every 15 minutes, usually felt the boob that felt heaviest and went with it! Fussiness can sometimes be wind or sometimes be them upping your supply in the early days. As long as baby has wet and dirty nappies then you’re doing well! There are some brilliant breastfeeding support groups on Facebook, would you like the links?

Also I never worried about hind/fore milk and I'm pretty sure it's either been discredited or just isn't important.

He sounds absolutely fine and normal.

When he gets fussy on one boob offer him the other. If he gets fussy on that one, try just walking him around or settling him in a sling or something. Or try offering a dummy, as he may simply want to comfort suck. But it sounds like you're doing fine to me. Don't worry about "hindmilk" and all that crap, just offer baby milk when he seems to want some and stop when he's no longer interested.

I’ve BF three and I know it can be hard going to start with. However, from what you’ve said you sound like you’re doing extremely well. He’s obviously getting plenty of milk, good weight gain and plenty of wet and dirty nappies, so when he no longer wants to feed, he’s full. Try putting him down for a sleep, instead of keep offering the breast. He will probably grizzle a bit, that’s normal and then doze off. Don’t be too quick to pick him up again, go and get a shower or make a hot drink.

Just to repeat, you are doing very well.

It sounds like you are definitely doing brilliantly, because your baby is gaining weight and doing lots of wet and dirty nappies. I think you are overthinking the fore/hind milk thing - follow your baby more, and if he doesn’t want one boob, don’t force it.

You’re not meant to be constantly unlatching then from one boob to switch to the other, but if he’s had a good go at one, then it’s fine to try the other, but not force it if he isn’t interested. And at 3 weeks old, he’ll probably really vary in terms of how much/how often/how long - just go with whatever he wants on each individual feed. And I’m sure the tongue tie having been sorted will help.

Please don’t give up - it really sounds like BF is going very well.

sounds like you are doing great and seems normal. As long has there are wet nappies and he gaining weight don't worry too much about colour ( based on my MW advice to me)

mine LO definitely just cluster fed for hours on end swapping boobs as he desired.

MW told me to feed on one side to he had enough but this was trickier to work out as never seemed to 'finish'.

he was also fussy with me but fine as soon as DP took him away from the me and the boobs.

First few weeks are the hardest but it definitely got a lot easier for me after the first month or so.

Sounds like you're doing better than you think if baby is growing / weeing etc.
Some babies are fiddler or needier than others. My no1 spent 3+ hours once, the health visitor didn't believe me!
If it's taking too long, you could always limit the time on breast, and then offer baby a bottle... Give yourself a break and OH can get more hands on?

Good luck (and keep going)

Xx

Once he comes off one breast just offer him the other.

You don’t need to worry about fore milk and hind milk - if you’re offering both sides frequently then it sorts itself out.

You can just follow your baby - no need to try to ensure he gets anything or “finishes” a breast (it’s never “finished”). When he’s done with side 1 give him side 2. If he comes off side 2 too can always offer side 1 again.

The start of breastfeeding can be so tough, it sounds like you’re doing a great job and that baby is thriving with good weight gain and lots of wet and dirty nappies.

I would try just switching breasts when he unlatches the first time rather then persevering with the same side. Please don’t worry about foremilk/ hindmilk, all breast milk is good and nutritious for your baby, current thoughts have discredited the idea of trying to maximise hindmilk.

Your baby’s behaviour at the breast could just be cluster feeding, constant on/off feeding and fussiness. It’s an important way of establishing your supply. Totally get that it’s frustrating and confusing, try and go with it if you can, plenty of drinks and snacks, Netflix and just let baby feed feed feed, changing sides as often as they want.

National breastfeeding helpline and NCT helpline are fab, your local LLL will be supportive. There are likely local breastfeeding support groups, ask your midwife or HV for info.

Lots of luck with it, sounds like you’re a great mum and doing a fab job x

3 weeks old was really hard for me, expressly with my first baby.

It's a massive "growth spurt" kind of time where they seem to just go from one side to the other constantly to get milk going. Mine also pooped constantly, so if i didn't get a sandwich or something made before DH went to work I was struggling to eat between feeds and nappies 😵‍💫

I think he called to see how I was one day and I sounded so wrecked he came home early 😳

It went a bit mental/cluster feeding etc for me again around 6 weeks then settled a little (at 10 weeks he started thumb sucking and was briefly more settled) but then it all went a bit relentless again at 4 months.

All this felt more ok 2nd and 3rd time around, as I knew it was coming and that it was normal. So I could mentally prepare myself a bit 😏

DC1 sounded similar and I would get very stressed trying to work out what was wrong/remembering what side I had last fed on/timing his feeding. However a breastfeeding specialist my Health Visitor introduced me to said to just feed in one side and when he got fussy, burp then swap sides until he came off and he should be satisfied.

This seemed to work and it all seemed much more simple. He was feeding every 2 hours but it was far less stressful.

It sounds like you are doing well with the wet nappies.

It is always a daunting feeling when your help partner has to return to their other commitments but it can also be exciting and you'll find your own routine after a few days.
You need to be flexible of course, but you will cope, and find ways to settle baby.
Fresh air is key,babies like looking up at the clouds and birds,go for walks and you'll feel better for getting out the house.
White noise is also one to try.

I had this issue with DD, and I just remember being so anxious all of the time as initially she lost a lot of weight in the first week (Initial bad latch due to flat nipples) and had bad jaundice so needed treatment. She gained it all back within 2 weeks and went on to gain very well.

I ended up weighing her every week for 8 months as I was so worried about her weight gain (she was a difficult weaner too due to many food allergies sadly).

So, she used to feed 5 to 10 minutes only, on one side only. I used to get mixed advice which confused me even more. I ended up feeding every 45/60 mins for 4 months straight which was hard work, and alternating boobs so each one got drained. Around about 4/5 months she suddenly started being receptive to

If your DC is gaining weight well, generally healthy and you aren't concerned then I would carry on as you are. Offer them whichever breast was fed least longest from first at the next feed (helps keep even size for you, so supply doesn't get built in one too much more than the other, also gives that nipple a break from initial hard sucking), let them feed well and offer the second, if they don't want it you can't make them eat (I tried!), but if you're worried re weight then maybe offer that first breast, and then try offer the second after a short break to see if they can be enticed.

I loved dream feeding also and those feeds were the ones where I was able to start getting DD to eat from both sides as she was sleepy and receptive.

Someone will be here to offer professional and more coherent advice I'm sure.

The thing that strikes me is:

He also had a posterior tongue tie that got sorted yesterday, so maybe this has affected him?

I have no experience but breastfeeding with a tongue tie is not easy - well done for getting this far. He's only tiny, he had a big procedure for 21 days old yesterday. Give him time to resettle.

I've also not heard of the forcing 1 breast till its 'empty' I just switch mine over when they came off - unless they appeared to fall off. (But my youngest is 8...).

Also, it does get easier, I've re read your post and it sounds like he's gaining well which is great.

Nobody tells you how hard (emotionally and physically) breastfeeding is in those early weeks. If you want to stop that's your choice and your DC will be fine, but I found that taking it week by week helped me not feel too overwhelmed by how often I was feeding at that time (15-20 times a day, was hard work)

Be kind to yourself, you're doing well and it is hard.

Just to add to the above:

The fussiness/pulling on and off is a way of stimulating another let down. It encourages your supply to build up too. The more milk that is removed from the breast (so either breastfeeding or expressing) the more your body will make.

To be honest I would swap baby to the other breast when he first comes off, then offer the first breast again if he needs it.

It sounds like you are doing a great job! It can be INTENSE breastfeeding a newborn so well done!

Will giving a newborn baby a bottle of formula in the hospital affect me beating able to breastfeed?

I'm desperate to breastfeed this baby (my 3rd his 1st) and he is desperate to give the baby a bottle in the hospital he says it's just something he really wants to do, but I've always believed that baby won't latch probably after being bottle fed? And I really struggled with establish fully with my 1st two so really want it to work this time.

You're doing great. He doesn't have to finish a breast, that's old advice. Just follow his cues and you'll be fine.

I think you're trying too hard I breast fed three babies who've all made it to adulthood just fine. Follow your baby's lead. They don't need to 'finish' at one breast. Offer the other if you want to. I used to alternate breasts at each feed, unless the baby was clearly still hungry then swap breasts.
I grew up on a farm watching various mammals feed their young, and ignored whatever advice was current at the time, and followed the lead of the animals who did these things far more naturally.
Sounds like your baby is thriving!

Loads of bollocks about hind milk, feed until they stop then give the otherside if still awake. I wouldn't try to relatch the same side again. I personally never winded unless a burp happened as I was moving them. They usually them feel asleep so very little winding ever happened. Breastfeed DS and DD until age 2. DS was slow to gain weight because he was such a massive baby to start with and because I listened to stupid advice, but DD gained steadily as I knew what I was doing second time around.

When very little could often go one side to the other and repeat. It's normal, supply and demand. Plus you are their comfort.

@MumEmilyof3

Will giving a newborn baby a bottle of formula in the hospital affect me beating able to breastfeed?

I'm desperate to breastfeed this baby (my 3rd his 1st) and he is desperate to give the baby a bottle in the hospital he says it's just something he really wants to do, but I've always believed that baby won't latch probably after being bottle fed? And I really struggled with establish fully with my 1st two so really want it to work this time.

I would stick to your guns, as apart from the latching on issue, you baby needs as much colostrum as possible. Also, feeding from the breast in the hours after birth, stimulates your milk production.

Explain everything to him and make sure he can have plenty of cuddles with the baby.