Giving up breastfeeding...? Help please

[Hhcub]

So... how do I mentally deal with whether to give up breastfeeding?

My little one is 17 weeks now. It's been a long ride. Super, super painful (like, toe curling, noise making pain) on my left side all the way through. I've had latch checked numerous times, tongue/lip tie checked numerous time and we're at the doctors once a week along with health visitor once a week.

We've been treating it like thrush as she was showing a thrush like rash... creams &nystatin for her and creams, gel and tablets for me but it's still painful.

She's also been struggling with her weight, dropping from the 50th to the 2-9th percentile at about month 2. I've been doing hourly feeds since then.

Not only have the feeds been practically draining but the pain and gearing myself up for each feed has been mentally draining too.

I have a huge amount on guilt over not being able to breastfeed my two and a half year old (long story!) and I am so, so emotional at the thought of giving it up now.

Just to add, my husband is in the military and we have no friends or family local so feeds and all care for both my children is 100% down to me so making bottles up won't make things any easier, in fact probably the opposite! 🤦‍♀️😂😭

So, in short. What do I do?! How do I be okay with the decision to give up and when?!

I'm so emotional about this all.. I feel like I would be selfish and making decisions based on me and not her.

Help!!

Thank you

I think you need a fully trained BFC to talk through how you are feeling @Hhcub.

Have you got the BFibg Helplines numbers so that you can talk to one?

Making a decision for you IS a decision for her - if you're in a better place physically and emotionally, that's going to be good for her too. I would think about it as what is best for the family unit as a whole. And if/when you do stop, think about what you can do to make bottles easier. Are the big cartons of ready made formula affordable? We used to make up all the bottles at the start of the day and refrigerate them - not what the instructions suggest but the NHS guidance does say you can store it in the fridge for 24hrs and it was WAY easier than making bottles through the day. We also heated them in the microwave - none of that waiting around for hot water. Just don't forget to shake!

I would just say that you are not "giving up", you are choosing when to stop. Everyone stops breastfeeding at some point, for a variety of reasons. You've breastfed for 4 months, which puts you in a minority of women who get to that timescale (it's less than 20% of women). Try if you can, not to frame it negatively. Easier said than done, I know.

Who has checked latch and tongue tie? A lactation consultant and trained tongue tie practitioner?
You can also just feed from one side or use a nipple shield on that side.

Nothing wrong with stopping too obviously.

I am struggling to breastfeeding too (extremely painful, baby doesnt latch properly etc..) I decided to keep trying (mostly just to comfort the baby) but I'm mostly expressing milk, and topping up with formula 3 times a day (my baby eats a lot!). It works for us, she gained one kg since birth and not even 4 weeks old! You have to do what is the best for your little one, and loosing that much weight is worrying to me. Nothing is wrong if you decide to stop ( although you can keep pumping and feed your baby with it) and formula is a great thing, they made for situations like this.
However, our system is extreamly tireing, includes a lot of sterilisation, heating up, etc. I found it very difficult to deal with, and I have help! Can't even imagine you're situation, but as a pp suggested, you might try formulas with disposable bottles, you don't have to worry about heating them up and washing the bottles.