Can someone reassure me that I can get back to normal BF?

[Monkeybird]

Hi all,

Have been struggling to BF my 18 week old who's pretty poorly with a virus. Depressingly, he's often much happier now to take EBM in a bottle than he is to feed from me, and he seems to have a complete aversion to my breasts. We keep getting in these cycles where he refuses to feed, though is hungry, cries, gets tired, sleeps a bit, wakes hungry again, is even tireder and less able to feed etc etc. Have had some good advice from BFN helpline and had a bit of success feeding with him lying on his back and me just, er, dangling over him but he didn't have much and half an hour later was miserable and hungry again. I had expressed a bit in between and so he had some of that in a bottle also.

But the problem is I'm now exhausted and demoralised and have no faith that we'll ever go back to full BFeeding. I know that sounds a bit hysterical but you know how it is when you're knackered... He's marginally less poorly today than yesterday and no longer has a bulgy fontanelle, and he has had some milk directly from me in the last 24 hours. But I'm now dreading tonight, since I'm poorly too and can't really express enough in between feeds to keep us going (let down reflex is taking ages and though my 8 year old is now at his grandmas) the 3 year old is here, also under the weather still and DH is knackered from doing everything also. We're too tired to get a proper regime of expressing going though think I may have to if he's gonna get enough milk to help him get better...

What should I do: express in between normal 3 hour feeding times, or wait until he's actually hungry and express then and give it him there and then, or try and do both? Or just persevere with the BF, even though his unwillingness to suck is killing me and then upsets me so much, I find it even MORE difficult to express...

Has anyone got any suggestions for managing this till he's better and willing to feed normally?

And can someone reassure me that I will be able to go back to normal BF? And how? What if he's just decided he doesn't want to anymore?

I'm not sure, but wanted to bump for you and give you my sympathies.

Just a tiny thought, have you had a look at the advice on Kellymom regarding a nursing strike?

Kellymom - nursing strike.

Hi monkeybird - not uch better then? If he will feed a bit try expressing from the other side at the same time. It may take DH to help you get everything balanced at first but it should save you time and I found it easier to express when DD was feeding. Please try not to dread the next feed as you will only make yourself stressed which won't help. Try the bath that someone suggested on the other thread, then cuddle up in bed and let him do what he wants. At least you will be cosy too.

Hope it all goes well - I remember it well myself!

you sound very tired and like you need someone to mother you at the moment so I can understand how panicy this is all feeling.

I never really was in this situation with dd as she was suction baby when she was ill.

just to reassure, at 18 wks you have a well established milk supply so even if it dropped due to his lack of nursing, it will bound back when he is feeling better and can do so.

offering ebm in a bottle probably means that you are meeting his calorific needs so is less likely to ask for the breast (?) I would go with keeping him close day and night, lots of skin to skin, co-bathing etc.

as with the letdown, try hand expressing a bit to get some milk in the nipple before attaching him (?)

it may be worth reading good olekellymom on nursing strikes to give you some ideas and reassurance. there are further links at the bottom of the page.

My DD was ill with this rsv virus and didn't feed for hours. After that she wanted to feed little and often. If it's do-able you might be better just trying to feed him more often than 3 hourly. If he won't feed when he's awake you may be able to get him to feed when he's almost asleep- stop the cycle that you describe with him getting more and more tired.

thanks all...

CMOC, it's up and down - he had some BF last night overnight but has not improved much today and we've had to express, because he's getting so tired and hungry the cycle is just getting worse.

Evenhope, I've been offering frequently but I think that has also contributed to the problem. For some reason he just can't face sucking me, (hurts? too tiring?) though will suck his dummy. I'm not going to stop offering though but it's very wearing when I keep having him scream and arch away only then to glug down the EBM instantly.

We've just started another cycle of refusal, stress etc. with him getting no milk so I'm off upstairs to calm down and try again leaning over him in a bit. If that doesn't work will express again and just give him that straight away but just don't know what to do for the best overnight...

is sleeping on me now skin to skin

am going to see if he's interested when just waking and try and express one side to quicken letdown...

poor you and him
first thing, keep the faith, you can get back to full time bf, believe in yourself and take things one feed at a time. it's great that you've tried the helplines as well, keep on phoning.
all the skin to skin sounds great, keep trying to feed him while he's sleepy/asleep as well, to 'trick' him into bf while he's relaxed.
can you do syringe feeding rather than bottles?
my dd had a nursing strike when she had hand foot mouth a few months ago, so lots of mouth ulcers, she recoiled from my boobs, it was horrible . i had to syringe feed her ebm for 3 days before she would latch back on again but we did get there in the end with lots of skin to skin, expressing just before offering her the boob so it smelt more of milk, and dream feeds. it was the dream feed that did it in the end.

OK, he's still not interested in feeding from me but will try feeding in his sleep a little later. It worked last night so hopefully will again - thanks for reminding me Morocco.

And have had a bit more rest and managed to express lots this evening so have a bit of a stash in the fridge and pumps at the ready if he doesn't have much from me tonight (though whether I'll have the energy I'm not sure) Might at least try to express by midnight when he usually has a feed if he hasn't had much...

Have now read the Kellymom stuff which helps and am trying to keep him next to me as much as poss

Might try the syringe idea later - we just happen to have a big one to hand. He took to cup feeding quite well but I got a bit distressed at how much EBM we lost down his front!

God this is gruelling. I'm trying hard to stay positive about the outcome for BF but it's tough.

Hope it is better today. morocco made me think - could he have Thrush in his mouth? That would make his mouth sore.

With the cup feeding try and get hold of a Doidy cup, Blooming Marvelous sell them. Also try a bottle lid as a cup as it is nice and small.