Seeing women breastfeed makes me upset..

[yetanothernamechange2022]

Ok before you shoot me down, I don't mean in the way that I don't agree with it.
I have a 5 year old and 4 month old. First time round I gave up early as I was worried I couldn't see the amount he was feeding.
This time round I really wanted to but I got PND, she wasn't feeding so I gave up at the first hurdle.
When I see people feed now or my friends send me photos I feel so envious and such a failure that I didn't do it and that I gave up. I see people so confidently feeding in public and can't help but look in awe and envy and wish I could've been a good enough mother to do that.

You are a good enough mother!

I do appreciate that horrible feeding(I’ve been there too) but you are a good enough mother and you did not fail, your child is fed and cared for and is presumably thriving.
How a baby is fed is such a small part of parenting, long term it simply doesn’t matter and breastfeeding doesn’t make someone a better mother.

If your Dc has a happy tummy then that’s absolutely all that matters

Please don’t beat yourself up about something that really isn’t hugely important in the grand scheme of things, I bet you’re a fantastic mum

Next time you catch yourself looking at a mother breastfeeding just be kinder to yourself and remember that you are making a lot of assumptions about them that might not be true. They are breastfeeding but they might also (likely for mothers) be carrying around their own burdens. Maybe they didn't get the birth they wanted and feel like a failure. Maybe they are struggling to bond with their babies in other ways. Maybe their relationship with their child's father didn't work out. Maybe they are worrying about their lost career. Etc etc.
Not that you want to be wishing bad things on other mothers. It's more about remembering there is more behind the snapshot you're seeing, motherhood is so hard in so many ways, breastfeeding isn't a magic wand that makes motherhood a breeze, some people can do it and some people can't.
Best to try and leave these thoughts behind because there will be so many times throughout motherhood where it's tempting to compare but what is the use in that?
Pnd is a horrible struggle. Instead why not give yourself credit that you are up and still out there doing the best for your baby in spite of your challenges. You are the mother you are, you're not them, so stop comparing and love yourself as the mother you are.

There will be things you are acing that they aren't. Feeding is just one little piece of the picture. For example I breastfeed but am also incredibly lazy and my kid watches far, far too much TV. I am also addicted to my phone and look at it far too much instead of interacting. Thirdly I am fat and i eat too much sugar, which is likely to rub off on DC.

Give yourself a hug, right now. Then every time you get those feelings, hug yourself again. You are 'good enough'. Breastfeeding can be wonderful but it's not all there is to being a mother. Now, hug!

Everyone has their own thing that upsets them.

I get quite upset hearing/seeing people give birth with no issues and get to hear their babies first cry etc. I have to remind myself while a lot of things went wrong something did go right ;my baby is completely healthy and alive.

Your child is fed - you are a good enough mother.

I hope you're getting help for PND,it took me far too long to seek help.

OMG you're a monster. You stopped BFing and then they starved to death! Oh, hold on no they didn't, because you made sure they were fed and happy. Because actually you are a 'good enough' mother. Just not perfect in every way. And the illusion of a 'perfect' mother harms all mothers. It's makes us all guilty and sad.

That mum you see BFing, she's worrying that her baby has nappy rash. That other one, worries because her relationship isn't golden and therefore the baby will have a 'broken home'. It's all bollocks. We do the best we can.

You did the right thing for you both at the time. You ARE a good mum.

Listen, this will matter less as time passes. When they’re eating rubbish food and drinks out with their mates when they’re older you’ll realise that it really doesn’t matter. And I don’t mean that as an insult or to be flippant but in the grand scheme it’s really not worth getting upset about. You tried, it didn’t work, they had formula instead, absolutely no issue. Don’t be hard on yourself when there’s no reason to be.

Thank you so much all for your kind words ❤️

Breastfeeding doesn’t automatically make you a ‘good mother’. You are enough and you’re babies worlds

Try not to worry OP

Bless you. Sorry you’ve had a hard time

You’re plenty good enough! Give yourself a break okay? We all have our own struggles.

Do these women sending you photos of them feeding know how you feel about your own experience?

Breastmilk doesn't a mother make

Without a doubt, there will be other parenting things that you will be better at than other mums before your children are fully cooked grown ups. How you feed your baby is only one very small part of being a Mum.