Utterly shattered and wondering if it's worth it...

[sushistar]

DS is 3 weeks and is still feeding and feeding and feeding. SO muc to do - going to family for xmas 2morrow and house is a tip, presents unwrapped, bags not packed, baby screaming, have been bfeeding all afternoon, HAD ENOUGH. Have already given in to giving him a dummy for 10 mins peace. Feeling sorely tempted by one of those ultra-strict formula feeding routines - which is so not me - but SO TIRED and SO MUCH TO DO!

formula will not magically make you less tired , a strict formula routine at this age is not possible.

get as much help as you can, and concentrate on feeding your baby

can your DH not pack and wrap the presents?

I have been there - although not at Christmas. I persevered, and I am glad I did, but it can be miserable at the time.

Is there anyone who can help out with the packing and wrapping etc?

So sorry to hear your finding it tough. The first few weeks are the hardest honest. Can someone not lend a hand and get pressie wrapped etc for you? Take all the help you can get.

You have forgotte (or don't know) how much time and effort, washing & sterlising those bottles is and then making them up, boiling the kettle and forgetting about it. Crawling into bed drifiting off and then remembering there aren't enough bottles made up for the night etc

3 weekers do this. Prepare for a few really sleepy baby days when he is finished boosting your supply.

I swear they do it to keep you on your toes. One week feeding like a maniac, one week sleepy leaving you with engorged boobs, squidy boobs narky baby, and so it goes on. Nothing to do with how you feed them he is just being a new baby.

if all those things were done would you still feel like stopping. If not, don't.

A woman with a three week old baby should not be cleaning, packing or wrapping anyway. That is what husbands and partners are for. Otherwise they just fill their time scratching their balls and watching top gear.

Yeah, DH is a star and is helping. But hoouse is so messy and neighbour is coming to feed the cat while we're away so it needs to look at least habitable... DH is doing lots but it's a 2-person job and I'm just so tired of feedig all the time when I'm sitting in the middle of so much stuff that needs doing! Sorry, mouthing off. Thanks for responses. No one told me bfeeding was such a FULLTIME JOB!

Have you not got anyone who can take baby off you for half an hour at a time? Does your baby never nap? (mine never did so if yours is the same then sympathy). Is there anyone to help you with the housework at least? Can no one else wrap pressies? I know the feeliing, but you don't have to do it all yourself.

You're just at the beginning and it is a nightmare, BUT IT DOES GET BETTER and you'll be glad you carried on. Not much comfort now but something to work towards perhaps.

presents don't have to be wrapped. Wait until you arrive and other people may be able to take the pressure off you a bit. While b/f try and type out a list of what you need to take - will feel like you are working towards it. Everytime you get 10 mins, bung a few more things in a bag off your list. Also, shops will still be open xmas eve, if you forget something, it can most likely be brought in a shop!

House being a tip, ah well. It is supposed to be at this point! Also, starting a formula routine will just mean a heck of a load more stuff to take away with you...

Go and sit somewhere else! I used to retreat to the bedroom in the mess I was comfortable with!

For a while it is a full time job - and one of the most important jobs you will ever do!

Soon you will be sitting there with a sleeping baby snugged into your boob muttering "sorry I can't get up he is feeding", while hogging the remote and various snacks to keep your strenght up.

Delegate, ignore, delegate, delegate, ignore some more.

Nothing is more important than your 3 week old baby right now.

Tidy houses get messy again, Christmas comes round every year, but never again will you have this precious time with your lo.

Happy Christmas!!

In the nicest possible way, I think you need to revise your expectations of yourself and what is possible when you are b/feeding a 3 week old baby. Your job, and your only job atm is to look after that child. Everything else really is secondary. Please don't start giving your baby formula just so you can go and wrap xmas presents.

It's a full time job for the first few weeks only - after that, it really is the easy option! Was for me anyway - the thought of all that sterilising, boiling, loads of bottles hanging around the kitchen ... much easier just to lift up jumper! Hard that it's come at Christmas, I really sympathise - but have to say that if I was feeding the cat of a family with a 3 week old baby I would be alarmed if the house was tidy!

BTW I know how you feel - my DS was 4 weeks last Xmas. Mnaged to spend most of it with my bum glued to my mum's sofa and ds glued to my boob.
Happy days!!

This year he is trying to wreck the Xmas tree, and a trail of detruction is left in his wake - I would say that it gets better, but...............!!!

Nothing else matters right now except bfeeding your baby, it is a full time job, I'm afraid.
Get someone to run out and buy a pile of gift bags on Monday morning and just stick the presents in them.
Leave the house exactly the way it is, it doesnt matter.
Do not do anything at your family's house, they should be waiting on you hand and foot. In fact why don't you get a rota drawn up of who is going to be your helper each morning and afternoon!
A year from now what wil be more important to you - that your postnatal house was immaculate or that you dedicated yourself to your LO during those first precious weeks and months?
3 weeks in is about as hard as it gets, I do sympathise.

No-one looks back and wishes they spent more time cleaning the house

Send DH out tmrw to buy gift bags, chuck the pressies in them and volia, wrapping done. As for housework, stuff it. Just get DH to tidy up and put things in their place (or in the cupboard under the stairs!), dusting etc can wait.

BF really is the most important job you can ever do and plus if you do give up now you'll spend Xmas uncomfortable with engorged breasticles and looking like you've smuggled 2 huge Christmas puds under your jumper.

Hang on in there.

I think all babies, whether FF or BF, whether contented or fussy, are pretty much a full time job at 3 weeks. It does settle down, honestly. I BF both of mine but know from friends who FF that it took an inordinate amount of time to get all the stuff up and running, plus if you have a snacking baby you are still pinned to the sofa feeding / burping / feeding etc for hours at a time. It's just what they do when small.

If this is first baby, I think you need to extend your comfort zones re mess. Wait til your house has loads of red plastic goodies in it! Don't worry about wha the neighbour thinks. S/he will be glad to help. If no time to wrap, buy present bags or stick in carrier bags adorned with sticky rosette things / ribbons or ask the recipient to shut eyes at approp moment!

You are doing the most important job. Nothing else really matters. Anyone who is a parent will accept that. Anyone who isn't and doesn't is not worth the bother, IMO. He is only 3 weeks old. Be kind to yourself and take it easy.

best wishes

sweetie the chances are, if you have a baby who likes to feed often, you will be doing exactly the same with a bottle. I remember feeling just like you do, and I was formula feeding.

Your husband will just have to do it, and what doesn't get done just doesn't get done.

Your job is feeding the baby. Everything else is his job. Harsh, and won't last until baby is 10, but right now, that's the way it is.

I agree with the others. Breastfeeding is tough the first couple of months (though steadily gets better so don't panic!) and when I had DD, my 2nd, I realised that you just have to give in to the breastfeeding and ignore everything else. Makes life a lot easier. With DS I tried to be superwoman... and failed.

I think you just need to get some practical help with things. First, the wrapping presents ... take them with you unwrapped along with a roll of paper. Ask someone else to wrap them when you get there. i.e. if it's your parents then ask your dad to wrap your mums and vice versa. Or stick everything in gift bags!

Can you write while you're feeding? If so, do a list of what you need to pack and then run round in a 10 min dash before you go. Or get your DH to rush round.

For the house, if it's really important to you, pick up any dirty washing and stick it in a cupboard. Put all rubbish in a bin bag. Pile everything else up. Apologise to your neighbour if you feel it's necessary. And you never know... she might clean the place lol.

DON'T beat yourself up for not managing a screaming 3 wk old and a house and Christmas. A screaming 3 wk old is more than enough for most people. Oh, and if a dummy works for you, no harm (both mine have).

If your baby naps at all, nap with him. Being slightly refreshed is far better than a clean house or wrapped pressies in the long run.

Stick with it as it is sooooo worth it. It's near impossible to see that in the first month or two, but it really is. I fed DS until a year and was gutted when we stopped even though I boiled the kettle for formula a couple of times a day for the first couple of and really couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. But it's lovely after that!

One of the best pieces of advice I was given while struggling with bf'ing was, every time you feel you can't take any more, say to yourself: 'I will decide whether to give up breastfeeding in the morning.' That way you make a rational decision based on what's really right for you, rather than an emotional, spur of the minute one. I still gave up at 6 weeks, as I had various problems with it and felt I couldn't take any more, but that way of thinking allowed me to get as far as 6 weeks, whereas otherwise I would have given up much sooner - and when I did make the decision it felt like the right one, and I didn't regret it later. I think this might be particularly appropriate for you given that your immediate worry is Christmas - it's only three days away, and if you can get to that point (especially once family are hopefully fussing around you), then you might find it easier to keep going. And I second what others say - EVERYTHING other than the baby is someone else's job at this stage.

However, I do have to scotch what I think is a bit of a myth: making up bottles really isn't much of a faff. It only takes 10 mins, and you can do three or four bottles of water at a time. That's not a recommendation for bottle-feeding - I just think quite a lot is said about the hassle of making up bottles, and I simply don't think it's true.

Oh, and the other thing to agree with is that it really does get better, and quite quickly. My first month with DS was the hardest time of my entire life and I thought I would fall apart. By six weeks things were substantially better, and now, at 13 weeks, I feel like a completely different person. And I second what Suzi says about dummies: if they work for you, use them.

Can only reiterate what others have said.

Let the dust, crumbs etc. build up.

Let other people sort out the food, shopping etc.

Sit with your lovely baby and get to grips with BF-ing. You are still at the very beginning of your relationship with your baby. It takes a couple of months to find BF-ing easy, but you will start to enjoy the lovely intimate moments that a feed affords you both. And in future months and years you will be sooo glad you stuck it out.

You are not the only one to think about packing it in. The number of times I stood crying in the kitchen to my DP, cried down the phone to my mum, thought it the most wretched time ever... but it did get better, and some of the best memories I have of DS's first year are lying on the bed, in the afternoon sunshine, as he slurped away and I dozed.

Go easy on yourself. You have got your priorities right - you and baby now, everything else can wait.