BF and sleeping through

[naturelover]

DD is 4 months old and exclusively bf on demand. She's a pretty good sleeper, feeds at approx 10/11pm, then 3/4am, then 7/8am, most days. I'm happy with the pattern she's fallen into all by herself. Of course I fantasise about a full night's sleep and am tired much of the time.

DH seems to think we could "train" her to drop the 3/4am feed by either giving her water in the night or simply not feeding her (soothe/distract her till breakfast time!) He reckons it would be short-term pain for long-term gain.

My gut instinct is that it's borderline cruel, but he argues that I'm being "ruled by my emotions" and I'm making my life harder than it could be.

I have no intention of doing what he suggests. Apart from anything, would it affect my supply? If it would then I would have an "unemotional" reason for not doing it.

Yes it would affect your supply - don't do anything like this before 6 months. It is easier to feed a baby during the night than it is to spend endless hours trying to avoid feeds for 'training' purposes.

Go with your instincts - your DH is talking 'pish'

It would affect your supply for sure.
Also, 4 months is too little to be dropping this feed. She is waking becasue she wants or needs it.

My DD is now 11 months and still wakes twice or more some nights... meaning AFTER i go to bed. i.e. midnight/1 am then again at half 3 ish, then maybe 5 or 6 ish... your baby is waking ONCE!!!! I think you are very lucky... perhaps you should tell your DH this..

Thanks, I already feel better. I know I am extremely lucky and I do try to tell DH this. Anyone would think he had to get up and feed her! He's in another room and has uninterrupted sleep on work nights.

When she wakes she is definitely hungry, feeds enthusiastically and then settles again. I consider myself very lucky. I had no expectations of sleeping through until at least six months so it's good to know this is a reasonable timescale.

I've tried it and it didn't work. Think Mears is right, much less hassle to feed quickly, night waking unlikely to last forever, especially perhaps when eating solid food in a few months. 4 months is pretty young to be expecting no night feeds IMHO...

If you want to shift things around, you could look for signs she's interested in cluster feeding in the evenings perhaps and maybe shift the 10pm feed to 9, then see if you she's interested in feeding about 12? M DS has done this all of his own accord (except tonight - I've been waiting for his midnight feast and he's snoring right through it - shouldve got sleep instead of furiously MNing!) and if he feeds at 12 will go through to 6 usually...

I coped with sleeplessness by adjusting my expectations to fit my kids somewhat - aimed only for short stretches at first - ie if you get 2x3hr slots in a night you're still getting 6 hours; then aim for 6 hours straight through; then gradually extend that...?

And BTW, what's wrong with being driven by your emotions, that's what parents do sometimes?

Tried it with much older babies I hasten to add, who still woke at 4 whether or not they were being fed...

naturelover - is your DH not liking the fact he is in another room perhaps to avoid being disturbed with night wakings?

I must admit my DH and I never did this at all - we stayed together in the same bed, even with baby in it. He still managed to work as well (then so did I).

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving it a try to be honest. We ensured DD got all her feeds during the day (last one at 1030pm) and then hoped she didn't feel the need to have another and this worked fine for us. I think my DD was much happier once she'd dropped the middle of night feed. I presume this was because she too was also getting a good quality stretch of sleep.

I'm not suggesting just removing the feed, but perhaps try and give her more in the 10/11pm feeds and see how she goes. I have to say though, once we missed out the 3/4am feed, DD was waking about 6 for her breakfast. We made sure this was a bigger feed than usual and gradually she slept a bit later and later.

On the rare occasion that DD did wake earlier, if it was about 5am then I would not feed her (as 6am feed so close) but if it was any earlier, she'd either be offered room temperature formula or water. Soon enough she realised this was not fun!

But you know what? It really is whatever you're happy with. My DD slept through from 12 weeks, with the occasional waking lasting til she was 6 months. I was very happy with this. But, my neice is still on demand feeding her 18 month old and she is very happy with that; depends on your lifestyle doesn't it? I LOVE sleep and wanted to regain my lovely 8 hours ASAP!!

I understand only too well where your dp is coming from
but there is one thing I would advise him:

Sleep training is unlikely to work or have a happy outcome
if the mother (i.e. the primary caregiver) is not 100% behind it.
And motherly love will always overrule outside forces,
nothing to do with you being 'emotional'!

It's great that he takes an interest and tries to help
but he needs to accept that at this stage you have to have
the final say because you are the one who is doing most of the parenting.
(Not because he's lazy, I hasten to say, but because he ain't got boobs!)

Naturelover I too think you are lucky. dd2 is a similar age to yours. and on a "typical" night has a dream feed any time between 10 and midnight. She then wakes around 2am and often 5am. However, despite these 2 wakings I also think I am lucky. She feeds for 10-15 minutes (hungrily and gratefully) and goes straight back in the cot and back to sleep.

If you or dp read some of the other threads, you will realise that you and I aren't too badly off. I felt a bit hard done by initially as dd1 was a beautiful sleeper and still is. (nothing to do with our parenting imo, just a different baby). I used to be a bit smug, but now I have dd2 I know better!

Good advice from Mears, I personally found it very reassuring.

Naturelover - I'm in pretty much the same boat as you, ds is 3.5 months old and he has a very similar feed pattern, 11pm, 4/5am, 8/9am. My dh hasn't put any pressure on me to give up night feeds mainly cos I'm a total angel and don't wake him at all () but my mum has been putting pressure on me, saying I should give a bottle of formula last thing at night in order to help him sleep through. Now I really struggled with bfing initially and I didn't go through that hell to give him a bottle of formula now unless he really needs it (which he doesn't!) so I'm ignoring my mum totally. If you're happy doing the night feed stick with it, I did read somewhere that it's one of the most important feeds to do as the milk producing hormones are at their highest then. Do what feels right for you and your dd, that's what's most important. I too dream of a full nights sleep, I usually get around 7 hours, but it is broken. But it will happen in it's own time. Do you manage to get a nap in the afternoon? I find that really helps if I'm shattered, I put ds down for his afternoon nap and then have a sleep myself. Even just an hour makes such a difference!