Breastfeeding after 12 months

[RedRobyn2021]

Just looking for some insight really from more experienced mothers

My daughter is almost 11 months and I have always fed her to sleep at night. In the day she might sleep in the car or in the carrier if I'm out with the dog (although these have both become more challenging as she's got older). We also co-sleep so that me and her dad can actually get some sleep.

I'm just really curious as a lot of women seem to stop after 12 months, how do you do this? But also, why did you stop?

I'm also interested to hear from women who chose to continue after 12 months? How did things change as your little one got older?

@Eightmagpies and @NotVictorianHonestly I’m also a solicitor, in a big firm in London. I’ve found it all much easier second time round because post-covid wfh is so common. As I said in my first post I’ve actually carried on feeding DC2 during the days on my wfh days (3-4 days per week before the recent restrictions) and I can put her down for both naps which is nice (for all of us inc the nanny!). She is fine going to sleep without breastfeeding when I’m not there.

This is a helpful and reassuring thread! I’m still bf-ing my 13 m/o with no sign of him wanting to stop! Whenever I’m around he will come and pretty much help himself by pulling my top up!! And yet when he’s at nursery or with DH he’s fine with just water and cows milk! As a FTM I had the preconception that we’d stop at 12 months but now I realise I’m likely to bf for some time yet!!

Mine was 2 in October and I’m still going. She gradually reduced the number of feeds she had, and now doesn’t feed to sleep, only on waking in the night and occasionally during the day if we are at home and she isn’t busy with things. I’m hoping she will eventually just stop by herself.

I co-slept with my son until 2.5. Breast fed until 3 yrs, but only to get to sleep at night

I don't think anyone has said it yet (rtft but quickly), but the WHO actually recommends breastfeeding "up to 2 years and beyond" if you need a response to judgey comments (though you don't owe anyone one).

20 months here and planning to go to 2 years and then reassess. I cosleep with DD and feed her to sleep (and back to sleep). No exit strategy at the moment, but it's working for everyone.

Go with your gut, and ignore anyone who thinks they know what's best for you and your baby. Good luck!

I went back to work at nine months so we switched daytime feeds to bottles at that point. The first one I got my partner to do and there was a bit of protest, but after that I switched a feed every three days and she didn't seem bothered at all. I then did morning and evening feeds to 14 months. Stopped because I was due to go on my first overnight work trip, but tbh I had wanted to stop around then anyway. I just offered bottle instead of boob, again one feed at a time, and she didn't bat an eyelid. This really surprised me, especially when we were dropping the last feed. Obviously many don't have it so easy, but I have other friends who stopped around that age with no fuss. In our case, I think offering the bottle as an alternative helped as she definitely gets bedtime comfort out of it, but if I had kept bf all feeds until after 12 months I might have been tempted to try and skip the bottle

@RosieLee2019

This is a helpful and reassuring thread! I’m still bf-ing my 13 m/o with no sign of him wanting to stop! Whenever I’m around he will come and pretty much help himself by pulling my top up!! And yet when he’s at nursery or with DH he’s fine with just water and cows milk! As a FTM I had the preconception that we’d stop at 12 months but now I realise I’m likely to bf for some time yet!!

This is what I thought, when I had her I thought I really want to get to 6 months, then I wanted to get to 12 and we're not far off now. I've found that after 6 months it has gotten so much easier, but also I don't have a clue how we would even stop as I feed her to sleep and we co-sleep too. I just don't know what to expect as she gets older, I don't know anyone IRL that fed past 6months so it's not like I can ask anyone.

@EekGoesTheBaby thanks

I'm still nursing my 3 year old. We still cosleep and he still nurses to sleep. He nurses a lot less during the day unless he's ill. I'm planning on nursing him as long as he'd like.

The world health organisation recommends breast feeding til 2 years and beyond

Your right society isn't aware of this and you do get the comments even questions annoy me like "oh how long are you going to feed him for?" Which just spurs me on to make it to 2 years I just ignore them as sadly they're ignorant comments from a generation who were advised otherwise in terms of getting babies to be "independent" and onto bottles etc

We're 23 months, I night weaned around 20 months he just understood so much more so I could explain to him how milk goes to sleep at night too and can have in the morning etc. i just feed before bed and before naps now unless he's poorly or something which works really good for us. I
found breastfeeding a saviour from 1/18momths as my DS picked up soooo many colds / viruses / hand foot and mouth and it was THE best and easiest way to settle him! Do what's right for you, not because your worried about what others expect because their expectations are actually really outdated

Also if you have a local la leche league group might be worth a join on there to connect with other mums? There is a Facebook group I joined people can just chat or ask Qs on there or you can go to
Meet-ups. Their website is great too

@milkieway I find it really sad as well. I was one of those ignorant people, I just didn't know any better. I'm sure if there was more support for women who wanted to breastfeed we'd probably find more "long term" feeding.

I found breastfeeding so hard because none of it was what I imagined and my mother formula fed me, so didn't think it was right that I was feeding her so much. This undermined my instincts and I found it all very stressful, constantly doubting myself. Then she got sick and we ended up in hospital and I was so grateful that I breastfed, it was all I could do to comfort her through all of it. I wish it was more the norm, but I don't think it ever will be until women are supported more in the beginning.

@RedRobyn2021 sounds like you're doing absolutely amazing and to make it to 11 months is incredible - It is a huge achievement. I think with breastfeeding I started to feel like it just worked in so many ways and so why would I stop - things always just naturally changed over time with it and so worrying about the future or trying to make changes before we were ready was just pointless. it's a two way relationship so as he got older I found I wanted to reduce feeds abit and I could do this in a gentle way so I felt gradually like I was getting my body back but we still had all the benefits that breastfeeding brings and I didn't have to put us through any stress of going cold Turkey or whatever

Your absolutely right my MIL from the get go banged on about "routines" feeding every 3 hours its not her fault but def impacted my fragile new mum confidence and I too felt I was constantly fighting against my instincts with all the crap advice I was receiving eg put him down / self settle bla bla bla utter rubbish!! Makes me cross really new mums are exposed to it

Happy to chat more as you go through your own journey - you're right there absolutely isn't enough support sometimes it's just hearing others experienced helps so much

@RedRobyn2021 yep, exactly the same re the co-sleeping and feeding to sleep! I’ve always bf on demand too, so it’s not like we have a feeding schedule where I can gradually drop feeds. Like you, I have absolutely no exit strategy lol

@RedRobyn2021 I went to type this morning but the day has got away with me and I knew my post would be long - sorry in advance!

Really love the responses so far; some great experiences for you to draw on.

At the end of the day, you know your baby and if it’s working for you now, carry on as is (I’m a big believer in “our baby, our rules” as long as mum & baby are happy and healthy). As you can see from this thread, BF beyond 12 months isn’t uncommon but it isn’t really discussed in RL, unless you bring it up. I do now and I finished feeding 9 years ago when dd was 30 months.

Many people, including myself, had targets of say 3 / 6 / 9 months; then went, ”oh shit, now what do you do?!” And the honest answer is, change only what you want to change after 12 months, but remember the end goals for your baby, which I would consider to be the following:

A) your child should to be eating balanced, nutritional, healthy foods, and being offered a variety of foods from 12 months onwards.

B) Milk adds to a child’s calories so essentially, you want them eating more food and slowing reducing their reliance on milk to fill them up.

C) Food intake will impact sleep patterns (alongside a multitude of other things like teething, growth spurts, illness). However, if there is a reliance on milk (and comfort, which I’ll come to) it will mean sleep is broken because they’re waking up hungry. Basically, make sure they eating enough during the day. Offer food all the time and don’t stick to the breakfast / lunch / dinner.

D) Feeding to sleep is a habit / comfort which can be broken at any time of you choice. Just remember at some point it does have to broken and there are gentle ways to do this when you/baby are ready (beyond 12 months)

As you know, breastfeeding (and bottle feeding with the main carer like mum or dad, I may add) is more than just milk. It’s comfort, it’s a painkiller (teething), it’s attachment and its security.

You should also know, as PP pointed out, the WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2 years old and beyond, which supports the notion that breast milk doesn’t change nutritional value at 12 month and one day. It continues to provide lots of nutrition for baby (in case any judgy family or friends say something).

I would like to share some advice that might help you in your journey beyond 12 months, which I had given to me (on MN 9 years ago):

1. Feeding to sleep can be replaced with you or DH rocking / soothing to sleep, from around 6 months. We started a “pattern” (hate the word routine) which put DH in charge of bedtime from around 10 months. I’d go in during that pattern to feed DD but I’d then come away, with DH carrying on the pattern of stories (lots of fucking stories!), shushing and patting. It just took some of the responsibility off me because I was feeding in the night.

2. Night weaning may be something to start considering from 12 months but it is totally your choice. I look back in hindsight and wished I’d done this at 12 months but at the time I wasn’t ready to stop it and like you, felt it worked and all was good. In reality, I was knackered and it was impacting my MH being woken up multiple times a night for a child who would have been perfectly fine waiting for food the next day. We night weaned using a very gentle method (www.drjaygordon.com/blog-detail/sleep-changing-patterns-in-the-family-bed) at around 16 months. Best decision I made and as I said, wish I’d done it earlier. Happy to share what I did when it comes to it as I used a bit of this blog as guidance and did my own thing which worked for us (bearing in mind we’d already nailed DH putting her to bed).

3. Constantly give them food. It generally reduces the reliance on milk.

Hope this helps you.

@MoveHouse thank you so much for this

My 20months old son is currently having two breastfeeds a day and typically 200ml cows milk. Also has a yoghurt every day and sometimes cheese. I was reading on the nhs website about too much milk affecting iron absorption would you say this was too much? He sometimes isn't the best eater so wondering if stopping feeding would help. Any thoughts/experience welcome thanks

The comments tend to stop because as a toddler feeds less often fewer people are aware you’re still feeding. I fed until 2 when I’d had enough. My little one would have continued longer. I did introduce a cup of whole cows’ milk at about 15months, so when I stopped completely I offered more cows milk instead. I found breastfeeding after 12 months extremely reassuring and helpful whenever my toddler was ill and not wanting to eat or drink anything else.