Friend says I've put them off breastfeeding - I feel so guilty

[daniellemumof2]

My friend is due her first baby in a few weeks and after seeing me breastfeed and how relentless it can be, she said I have put her off.

I know it's hard work and tiring, and that breastfeeding isn't for everyone, but I have had a lovely experience breastfeeding my baby so far, aside from a bit of a dip in my supply a few weeks ago after a bereavement but this has improved since then. I've never spoken to her about how difficult it can feel in the very early days of cluster feeding etc. I've spoken about being shattered, but only spoken about that in the general sense because being tired comes with any newborn. It wasn't related to breastfeeding.
I feel so guilty that I've put her off, although I know her baby will be perfectly healthy and happy on formula and as long as she's happy too then that's all that matters.
Not a question or anything, just sounding out really. I just feel really bad about it!

But you didn't do anything...perhaps she never wanted to breastfeed in the first place and you're a handy scapegoat, maybe she'll change her mind when her dc arrives, either way not your fault.

My dad died just before my second was born and combined with the hormones and exhaustion, I felt guilty over some absolutely ridiculous things which with hindsight were absolutely not my responsibility or fault so I sympathise but this decision belongs to her...not you.

Also

I remember feeling a little bit the same when my SIL, who was due shortly after me, saw me relentlessly breastfeeding and said it would be too much hassle for her.

It transpired later that she never actually intended to breastfeed anyway, because her DH didn't want her to

There's no need for you to feel guilty. You're happy doing your thing and she'll be happy doing it her way.

This is 100% her own issue. Don't take any of it on board. Just smile and be supportive.

Thanks all. I've actually told her how lovely it has been for me and spoke of the convenience of it more than anything else on the few occasions we've actually spoke about breastfeeding. I've always been careful as I would never want to influence anyone's decision on how they feed their baby. I feel like women get enough pressure to breastfeed from midwives as it is, they don't need anyone else shoving stuff down their throats too.
I've told her I'll support and do what I can to help whatever she decides and have even spoken about how good we found the MAM bottles when our first DC was a baby.

She likely just doesn't want to breastfeed. Not really fair of her to 'blame' you though. I'd have asked her how exactly I'd put her off.

She was rude to say that to you. I suspect she didn’t want to bf anyway for a different reason.

OP, if anything, seeing and being exposed to friends breastfeeding only served to solidify my desire to breastfeed (I already intended to, but seeing it in action reaffirmed it for me.

So I absolutely think she probably didn’t intend to breastfeed at all.

If she didn't intend to breastfeed then she should've just said so, it's not like I'm going to judge her. At the end of the day, the way others choose to feed their kids is none of my business. I formula fed my first child after a pretty horrific birth and I also didn't want the added stress of worrying about breastfeeding on top of that and if my baby was getting enough. I just wasn't in the headspace to take on something like breastfeeding with my first and he's now a thriving, healthy schoolboy.
I'm now quite paranoid to feed my baby in front of her as I worry about how I must come across. I always feel as though I'm pretty relaxed when I breastfeed. The only times I maybe haven't been, were the first few times I fed in public, but that was down to nerves really.
She's asked my opinions on which formula to use but I've had to tell her I don't feel comfortable advising her on this as I haven't used formula for almost 6 years, but that I will support and help her if she needs it with feeding.