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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Did anyone simply choose not to breastfeed.. feeling guilty?

20 replies

namechangedaily · 07/12/2021 14:14

When my baby was born who is now 11 weeks, I suffered badly with my mental health to the point I was nearly admitted to a mother and baby unit.
I breastfed her the very first feed and then for about 24 hours if that and gave up. It hurt, I was tired and not well.
Did anyone else just choose not to breastfeed? I'm a terrible mother aren't I...

OP posts:

TokyoSushi · 07/12/2021 14:15

Yes, I didn't breastfeed either of mone through choice. They're 8 & 10 now and completely, 100% fine, no ill effects whatsoever.

Whatdidyoudo99 · 07/12/2021 14:18

You are not a terrible mother… as long as your baby is fed and loved that’s all that matters. Don’t be so harsh on yourself

Kbyodjs · 07/12/2021 14:23

Not at all; I breastfed my first and neither loved nor hated it but when I had my second I just did not want to. My mental health was spiralling and I felt that was one thing to do which helped. I have no regrets and my second DC is now 2 and my bond with him is just as strong as his sisters, his health is the same as my first DCs and it’s not something I ever really even think about now

Malteser71 · 07/12/2021 14:24

Mine are now 16 and 12. Neither breastfed a single drop. My choice.

Incredibly healthy kids. I honestly never gave it a thought. I do think people who are opinionated on this have too much time on their hands

Negligee · 07/12/2021 14:24

You're not in the least terrible, in fact it was an intelligent decision to prioritise your own MH in the circumstances.

Fallagain · 07/12/2021 14:25

You didn’t just choose not to breast feed. You breast feed for the first day which has given your baby an amazing start and then you made the sensible choice to stop feeding to make sure you looked after your health so you can be best mother you can.

I stopped bf DD1 at 6 weeks due to a whole host of issues. Despite two lots of counselling through the maternity mental health services it wasn’t until I had DD2 and remembered how difficult it is to bf despite the fact I was in a much better physical and mental health that I was able to accept that I did the right thing with DD1.

girlmom21 · 07/12/2021 14:40

DD2 is 15 weeks and I did the same as you. BF for the 1st 24 hours and then gave up. I had PND with DD1 and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my mental health again.

A happy mother is much better for a baby than a mother with MH issues.

iwantadogdhdoesnt · 07/12/2021 15:13

Go easy on yourself. You tried, and decided you'd be a better mum not breastfeeding. You made the decision to be able to best look after your child. I EBF both my children until they were 2 and you'd never know

fantasmasgoria1 · 07/12/2021 15:17

I didn't breastfeed because the thought of a baby feeding from me actually made me feel nauseous. I don't know why because it's natural but it did. I bottle fed and they were absolutely fine.

Nat6999 · 07/12/2021 15:22

I didn't, the hospital tried to force me to but I was off my face on drugs & when I finally got back on this planet refused to be pushed about & demanded a bottle.

Timeturnerplease · 10/12/2021 19:40

I chose not to breastfeed either of mine. When falling pregnant I originally thought I would, but the more I learnt about the practicalities, the more I knew it wouldn’t work for our family.

As it turns out, a hormonal condition meant that I didn’t actually get any milk with my first, though I was offered medication by our (private, IVF) consultant to address this but I declined.

Being a primary teacher helped me feel better about my decision - I’ve never been able to look at a class of eight year olds and work out how they were fed as babies.

Nat6999 · 11/12/2021 00:41

I didn't have any problems around milk coming in because it never arrived.

WTF475878237NC · 11/12/2021 01:01

Ah OP you didn't choose not to. Your mental health needed to be prioritised. You couldn't help that. Of course the research shows breastfeeding is better if you can, and I really wanted to especially during the pandemic as the baby gets antibodies from vaccinated mum, and it's a natural pain reliever etc but none of the benefits outweigh the necessity of having a mentally well mum so give yourself a break.

immersivereader · 11/12/2021 01:04

Did six weeks with DS. Ended up with thrush, cracked nipples and mastitis. Awful time.

Just went straight to bottle feeding with DD. No regrets

flamedancer · 11/12/2021 01:14

I haven't breastfed any of my 4 children through choice. It made me feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. I've always seen breasts as sexual things.
I know that is the complete opposite of how a mother/woman should think... but I couldn't help it

DoucheCanoe · 11/12/2021 01:19

I chose to formula feed #1 then chose to breast feed #2, they're 9 and 15 now and you wouldn't know the difference in how they were fed.

Interestingly though #2 catches every cold, bug that does the rounds whereas #1 has been sick a handful of times in his life.

Biologically breastmilk is better for sure, but formula is an excellent substitute so you are not doing anything wrong nor are you a "terrible Mum" for considering your needs as well as your child's.

EishetChayil · 11/12/2021 08:58

Give yourself a break! Nobody honestly cares how any other mother feeds their babies.

Toplowlight · 17/12/2021 07:51

You’re not a terrible mother. Your health and well-being matter too. It sounds like formula was the right decision for you - please don’t feel guilty about that.

Franca123 · 17/12/2021 08:03

I formula fed both mine because I didn't want to breast feed. I don't believe breast is best as never been able to work out why people say it is. The NHS and society generally try to make women feel guilty about breast feeding. Ignore them.

Kyliealwayshadthebestdisco · 17/12/2021 08:41

OP, I was determined to breastfeed even though I had terrible trouble with my milk coming in and baby latching on, and did not get enough support with it in the hospital despite asking. I feel like I spent a significant amount of time and energy on it and lost a lot of sleep trying to figure it out, it was very stressful especially as neither the hospital or my abusive ex husband would let me give a formula bottle and the baby was losing weight and I was terrified the baby would die from lack of nutrition. Felt I had to stay awake to watch over baby and make sure baby didn’t have a hypoglycaemic seizure (I’m a doctor and have seen it happen in these situations).

Anyway, I eventually achieved it at great personal expense to myself, but ended up being so unwell mentally that I had a psychotic break and had to be sectioned 2 weeks postnatally and was admitted to a psych ward without the baby until an MBU place was free and put on lithium, so ended up not being able to breastfeed anyway. I can’t say for sure this wouldn’t have happened anyway postnatally, breastfeeding or no breastfeeding, but I feel strongly that the pressure to breastfeed that I (and my ex) put myself under was at least part of what caused me to end up being so mentally unwell.

I don’t exactly regret trying so hard to breastfeed as it was important to me personally, but I would not put myself under the same pressure if I ever had another baby, I would try as I learned a lot from doing it last time, but if it wasn’t happening relatively easily, I would not lose sleep over switching to formula! We are put under way too much pressure to breastfeed as mothers and I still feel angry more than a decade on with the midwives who colluded with my ex to put me under such psychological pressure that I literally cracked.

So after all that I just want to say do not feel bad about prioritising your mental health in such a situation, in a civilised country with easy access to safe preparation of formula, I really don’t think it’s worth the potential downside to you or your baby to risk your mental health over it.

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