Given Nutramigen and feeling depressed about my feeding journey

[thismotherhoodthing]

DD is almost 5 weeks old. We had issues with BF from the start and she wouldn't latch so I ended up pumping to give her expressed milk. I tried nipple shields and ended up with severe nipple damage and chunks of my nipples physically falling off so was instructed to let them heal and break from attempting to BF. In the time I Unfortunately ended up with a really bad bout of mastitis which turned to sepsis and I was readmitted to hospital.

After this I decided to supplement with a bit formula (Hipp organic) and pump less so I could actually leave the house. BF was still not happening and we also got Her tongue tie divided to see if this helped - it didn't. Last week we increased how much formula (we were giving her to the point of doing 1-2 days on 100% formula to see how she tolerated it

She has always cried A LOT and been difficult to settle and shown signs of digestive discomfort such as hiccups, wind, bloated hard belly and stiff body - she is difficult to burp. But now after feeds she will arch her back, straighten her body, squirm and grunt/moan as well as scream and cry inconsolably. She goes bright red and looks in so much pain and it comes in waves. I have to lay her across my chest on her side in an upright position and rock her. She doesn't throw up excessively but when she throws up there has been phlegm/mucus in there a few times l. This was so awful to watch and it got to the point where we realised that other than 5/10 mins of quiet awake time she was either asleep or crying inconsolably. She can only be comforted by feeding or a dummy (doesn't always work) and when feeding she is frantic with the bottle.

On Sunday she had green stools with play dog consistency. We called 111 and were sent to walk in centre then paediatrics. After a lot of waiting around we were told to feed her less, more often. I said I didn't want to continue giving her the same
Formula without more of a plan so we were given Nutramigen and sent away to make an appointment with GP (which is end of this week. In the meantime I am just feeling so upset about it all and can't stop crying.

We gave her Nutramigen from yesterday - she took it without fuss but threw a lot of it up (she doesn't usually throw up much). The symptoms are still the same but I know I need to give it time). Her nappies are also now incredibly watery and explosive (to the point of running off the changing mat.

The Nutramigen smells so awful and makes her smell too.I don't feel like I want to feed her and keep asking my husband to do it which obviously makes me feel like a really terrible mum. I also found the ingredients surprising and feel like I don't want her to have it unless it's really necessary but how do I know that?!

I'm just not clear what our plan is and why we were given Nutramigen over anything else - how do I know she has a CMPA? Friends have suggest OTC lactose free formulas instead but I don't want to keep trying lots of different things.

I just feel really depressed about this - I know am incredibly sleep deprived which is making me feel worse. On top of my awful BF experience so far I feel like a total
Failure. I just want to be able to feed my daughter without her being in pain. I don't feel like I have been able to enjoy her so far as I am scared to leave the house on my own other than for short walks as I dread the feeding and scared for people to visit in case she just screams. She is a beautiful baby and I love her beyond words but I think I am suffering from anxiety about feeding

I don't know what I'm hoping for here other than someone wanting to talk to me about this :-(

Can't really help but lactose free formula is not the same as cows milk protein free formula so don't buy OTC stuff.

Have you contacted your health visitor? They may be able to help.

Also there are lots of CMPA groups on Facebook which I know friends have found useful.

Be kind to yourself, you've had a difficult time so far

@FusciasBright21 thank you. I'm going to call the HV this morning. I'm not sure how I know it's a CMPA as no one has said that's what it is -we were just given the Nutramigen. Unless it's in order to rule out CMPA first I suppose. Thank you I will look at the groups

Your health visitor should be able to talk through the symptoms with you. If CMPA is suspected I think your daughter should be referred to paeds for allergy testing, but again this is based on what I think friends did with their children. Which was quite a while ago now!

Oh it sounds like you've had a really rough ride in these first few weeks, you must be exhausted.
I would call a HV and see if you can get someone to visit you at home for a decent chat.
You asked for a different formula, which is why you were given a different formula. For an independent evidence based breakdown on ingredients First Steps Nutrition is the place to look at.
I would try not to seek too much guidance from
Friends as often though we'll meaning things like lactose free formulas are a bit of a marketing ploy unless your baby is recovering from bad d and v where the lactase could have been stripped from their gut.
A good Health Visitor can be alongside you in this journey and they are often are a bit easier to access than GPs, there are so many reasons your baby may be finding feeds uncomfortable including possible CMPA but also things like reflux or the age old colicy/high needs baby who seem to find their transition into this world, some babies just seem to find their journey into this world so much more stressful than others or other things too. Trapped wind in itself is really uncomfortable and so getting as many hints of different things to try with HV re winding is worth it.

A stretchy sling is one thing babies often find very soothing if you have a sling consultant near you who can come and help you get the hang of one of these it can be a real game changer, that ability to keep them upright and feeling really safe and close to you post feed can help a lot.

Be kind to yourself,
This is really tough and hope it all eases soon.

@FusciasBright21 that makes sense, and would be what I would expect too

@NewtoHolland thanks -I'm going to call the HV this morning and try to get some help

OP you poor thing. You have had such a rough ride

Two of my dc were fed nutramigen and completely thrived on it. Your DD has the absolute classic symptoms of a food intolerance. The thing is that it might not be dairy or soya, so nutramigen is the way to go to let her gut heal. Then when she is stable you can get her assessed by a pediatric allergist. One of my dc was allergic to 14 things at 4 months old and now aged 15 he is 6 ft tall, has already taken 1 alevel and only cant eat kiwis and peanuts.

When you feed the nutramigen is she doing the arching and crying (which is pain from the allergic food entering the stomach and casuing spasms) If not, that is a huge step forward. She may well over drink now if feeding isnt hurting, so try taking the bottle out of her mouth every oz and just let her settle for a minute or two before offering another oz. Slowing her down will probably help with the throwing up. Her nappies are going to be a mess for a week or two while her guts heal. The fact that they have changed from before is also a good sign.

Nutramigen does smell quite strange, but you will get used to it. Interestingly enough the ingredients look strange, but it is actually made up from normal milk, they just put the milk through a process where all the proteins in it get chopped up into tiny pieces so that the immune system cant recognize them as milk and so doesnt react. Its this process that gives the ingredients the chemical sounding names.

Is there a way you can access some counseling? I know I needed some help when my first dc was diagnosed and I hadnt had such a rough time as you. Sepsis right after childbirth and are sleep deprived is a horrific thing to recover from.

@SeaToSki thank you,
Really good to hear your DC thrived not eh Nutramigen and that you have a healthy 15 YO!

That makes sense, and maybe when I speak to the GP they can be clearer about the next steps. I just felt stressed about going straight in with such a strong smelling formula without knowing why as I only want her to have this if she has to. But what you've said makes sense

To be honest she has never done the arching and crying during a feed. During a feed she seems happy - although drinks the milk frantically as if she's looking for comfort . The arching/crying/grunting in pain etc was coming up to an hour after feeds . She is still doing this with the Nutramigen. The formula I was giving her before was Hipp Organic

I'm going to ask my HV today about speaking to someone as I think I am finding it really hard and have become very anxious about the feeding. I love every other part of motherhood (even through the sleep deprivation) but have come to dread feeding her

Thanks