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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

What are some misconceptions you had regarding breastfeeding?

55 replies

Hope54321 · 25/11/2021 11:14

Before I gave birth to my baby I never read about breastfeeding and I didn’t talk to anyone regarding breastfeeding. I just assumed I would come home with a baby and he would be feeding like all the other breastfed babies I see. Hah! Little did I know how tough it would be trying to establish breastfeeding. Anyway we got there in the end. Here are some of the things I was unaware of regarding breastfeeding:

  1. It can take weeks or even months to get a good latch.
  2. Cluster feeding for hours is a thing and it is normal.
  3. Oversupply and fast letdown exist.
  4. Comfort feeding isn’t a bad thing.
OP posts:
devildeepbluesea · 26/11/2021 21:05

@HardbackWriter

I thought it would be either really hard or totally amazing. I was really surprised that I find it easy but underwhelming. I can't quite work out why some women find it so incredible an experience (I'm not doubting that they do, I just have never found it to be more mind-blowing than feeding with a bottle, or indeed than doing other care tasks like bathing or feeding the baby). I find it really convenient but I see it as mostly practical rather than emotional, which was the exact opposite of what I expected.
As someone who ended up FF after 6 weeks I'm baffled as to why some people see FF as a "faff". Was never anything approaching a faff for us.
canyoutoleratethis · 26/11/2021 21:08

@FartnissEverbeans

This thread gives me hope!

I decided to have a go bf DS2 having EFF DS1. I want to do mixed feeding, not exclusively bf.

I expected it to be hard, but I didn’t anticipate this level of pain every time he latches on Sad I actually cried out tonight when I started feeding him, it hurt so much. I assume his latch isn’t good and I’m bad at positioning him but maybe if I power through it’ll be okay in the end? My milk has been pinkish at times - I assume because I’m bleeding into it. I’m not cracked or anything - it must be damage inside the breast.

I live overseas so I don’t have a health visitor or a midwife to ask.

No! Don’t power through! The worst thing you can do is keep feeding with a bad latch, that’s when the damage is done. If baby has a bad latch, you need to unlatch and try again. It’s so hard to start with, but you need to preserve and be strict. I’m still breastfeeding my 9-month old DD, and EBF for the first 6-months and my best advice is to never allow a bad latch. I would sometimes have to unlatch my daughter a dozen times before the feed could start because neither me or her could get the latch right, but no matter how tired you are or how cranky baby gets, you must get the latch right. I watched so many videos on YouTube and also got my DH to video my latch from different angles so I could do a compare and contrast. If I got too stressed or baby got to frantic while I was trying to sort the latch, I handed her to DH for 5 minutes so I could calm down and focus. Eventually we got there and we both learnt how to latch properly (it really does take both of you), and then it was plain sailing, and I love it. I also managed to avoid nipple damage by never allowing the bad latch that causes all the harm. Yes my nipples were sore sometimes, but they weren’t damaged or hurt because I didn’t let it get that far.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job but I really would work on the latch to stop the damage Flowers

Bellfor · 26/11/2021 21:09

That you only bf for 6 months. Looking back I can't believe how stupid I was! Weaned dc1 for no reason because I thought ebf for 6 months meant only 6 months.

HardbackWriter · 26/11/2021 21:10

I actually did find formula a real faff when I stopped breastfeeding DS1 at 6 months, and I slightly regretted stopping for that reason (and I'm planning to feed DS2 to 1, which is another couple of months, solely to avoid bothering with formula). I think it's probably what you're used to - if you're used to never having to carry any kind of feeding stuff with you and never having to prepare anything even quite minimal effort feels annoying. And as I said I found breastfeeding very easy; obviously if breastfeeding is itself very difficult then I can see why formula would be the much, much easier option.

sociallydistained · 26/11/2021 21:13

Many of my friends who didn’t manage to successfully breastfeed had the same experiences as OP. I feel like I am prepared for all eventualities (FTM 31 weeks pregnant). I’m so hopeful it’ll be okay and not as bad as many stories I’ve read but I am prepared for it to be hard and take time. I so want to breastfeed and I even have dreams about it a lot (even before I was pregnant and I didn’t even want children?!). Here’s hoping 🤞🏼

RosesAndHellebores · 26/11/2021 21:16

@devildeepbluesea oh how that resonates.

I thought it was entirely natural and thought it would be beautiful. And I attended every ante-natal class.

I thought the community midwives and hv's would support me >>hollow laugh

QuiltedHippo · 26/11/2021 21:16

That lansinoh/nipple balm was a necessity - bit of milk on your nipples left to dry was far better. And free!

That milk coming in was some grand event and you'd definitively know it had happened - I think boobs maybe got a bit fuller and DD made more gulping sounds but it was very subtle

Fritilleries · 26/11/2021 21:19

@QuiltedHippo

That lansinoh/nipple balm was a necessity - bit of milk on your nipples left to dry was far better. And free!

That milk coming in was some grand event and you'd definitively know it had happened - I think boobs maybe got a bit fuller and DD made more gulping sounds but it was very subtle

You got lucky.... I remember mine looked like actual melons one morning. Shock
devildeepbluesea · 26/11/2021 21:23

@RosesAndHellebores I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience too. HV understanding of BF issues is nothing short of negligent in this country.

My DD was my only. She's nearly 9 now and I still get.upset thinking about how badly we were let down.

canyoutoleratethis · 26/11/2021 21:24

@sociallydistained

Many of my friends who didn’t manage to successfully breastfeed had the same experiences as OP. I feel like I am prepared for all eventualities (FTM 31 weeks pregnant). I’m so hopeful it’ll be okay and not as bad as many stories I’ve read but I am prepared for it to be hard and take time. I so want to breastfeed and I even have dreams about it a lot (even before I was pregnant and I didn’t even want children?!). Here’s hoping 🤞🏼
I would think about maybe expressing colostrum before birth. I found it gave me a lot of confidence in how to use my breasts for their ‘new purpose’, i.e, to get milk out of them. It was a slow start, but don’t focus on how much you get out, focus more on learning how to massage and manipulate the nipple etc. As I said, it took a few days, but I did end up expressing quite a bit, but the real benefit I found was the confidence it gave me that I was capable of producing ‘milk’ and expressing it. Just a thought as I know it helped me as an anxious FTM who really wanted breastfeeding to succeed
BertieBotts · 26/11/2021 21:55

I just assumed that you fed them until they got teeth somewhere around 6-9 months and also that once they started having solid food they would pretty quickly wean off breastmilk and go solely onto solids. I ended up feeding my first child for 4 years and my second for nearly 3 so that didn't quite go as planned :o

Happy to report that teeth are no problem in the main though. They do sometimes go through a biting phase, but it hurts even if they don't have teeth so actually you have to deal with it just the same.

Legomania · 26/11/2021 22:08

I intended to go to a year both times, and stopped a month short, the first time because I was sick of being bitten - for me the teeth definitely did make a difference - and the second time because I was getting agonising deep burning pain that the GP had no clue about (possibly thrush).
The middle bit of bf was nice but the beginning (more the first time) and the end were bloody horrible.

SickAndTiredAgain · 26/11/2021 22:09

That it would definitely be difficult.

I’m not denying that it is for many people, but I thought it was a given, and actually I was lucky enough to find it really easy.

LifeIsBusy · 26/11/2021 22:12

I never realised how lonely the 2, 3, 4, 5am feeds would feel, especially when you have a baby that just wants a boob to go back to sleep and you just want more than a couple of hours free of a baby.

BertieBotts · 26/11/2021 22:13

I would say though the top things people don't realise/aren't told.

Milk doesn't come in instantly, but instead on day 3-5. They have colostrum until then. Colostrum is highly concentrated with immune boosting properties but not much in the way of nutrition/energy. If you're separated from baby, have a traumatic labour or a c section that can cause a delay in milk coming in. You might be advised to supplement in that case. It's a good idea to read about paced bottle feeding or non bottle methods of supplementing if you want to breastfeed exclusively.

That it's not all or nothing. Mixed feeding is perfectly possible, you may want to read about how to protect milk supply.

Milk supply down regulates at around 3 months in causing boobs to leak less, feel less big and full and babies often want shorter feeds at this age. It doesn't mean your supply has gone, it's normal.

Establishing breastfeeding is nothing like established breastfeeding. It gets easier, it is not that intense forever. The longer it goes on the less intense it gets.

How supply and demand works. Boobs are not like fleshy bottles you carry around on your chest, you don't need to wait for them to refill and you don't have a set amount you will produce and then they are empty. Breastmilk production is more like a trickling leaky tap which collects between feeds. Then this tap can get "switched on" (letdown) in response to your baby feeding, crying etc. You may be able to train your letdown to respond to a pump, although most people only get the excess when they pump. So you never need to worry that your boobs feel too empty for your baby. In fact letting too much excess milk build up tells your body to produce less of it as it's wasting resources.

Front line health care professionals in the UK have very little training in bf and may have little experience supporting bf. There are bf expert qualifications and positions in the UK but as they are mostly charities or private healthcare practitioners they are not mentioned by the NHS. But if you want experienced, specialised breastfeeding support look for an NCT or ABM breastfeeding counsellor, a La Leche League Leader, a breastfeeding peer support group or an IBCLC. Google these terms plus your town, there will usually be at least one local to you, possibly with some free or low cost groups to attend.

Looneytune253 · 26/11/2021 22:13

@devildeepbluesea As someone who ended up FF after 6 weeks I'm baffled as to why some people see FF as a "faff". Was never anything approaching a faff for us.

Can you not see why bottle prep and arrangements would be seen as a 'faff'. There's no faffing on with breastfeeding

PinkPlantCase · 26/11/2021 22:19

I thought the vast majority of people would exclusively breastfeed but have learnt that that’s not the case.

In my social circle it’s the minority.

Blueducks · 26/11/2021 22:20

Similar to @Luckyelephant1 and @SickAndTiredAgain, the biggest surprise for me was how easy it was.
I’m not posting this with the intent of upsetting anyone who found it hard or couldn’t. But, I feel a balanced view is important.
I read so many stories on here and elsewhere about how difficult it can be to establish feeding. I genuinely expected not to be able to do it. I decided to give it a go and was ambivalent about success.
Both my (c-section) babies latched on in the recovery room and fed like troopers. I fed my first until 2.5 yrs. my second has just turned 2 and is still going. I had mastitis a couple of times with the second. But, in the most, I’ve been lucky to have a really easy and lovely journey.
I hope I don’t upset anyone with this post, but I also hope that offering a different perspective helps give hope to some mums to be reading up on breastfeeding.

devildeepbluesea · 26/11/2021 22:21

@Looneytune253 no. It simply wasn't an issue.

pregnantncnc · 26/11/2021 22:27

That support isn't needed for weaning.

Seriously, where the fuck is the support for helping women wean from breastfeeding when they are ready? Healthcare professionals seem to either expect you to stop BF between 6-12mo, or assume you're happy to carry on forever.

I assumed that I'd just stop breastfeeding one day, probably on my son's 1st birthday, and that'd be that. He'd start drinking cows milk and I'd hand express to reduce any engorgement until my milk dried up. Sure, you CAN go cold turkey, but when you've been feeding on demand and using breastfeeding for comfort and bonding as well as nutrition - it is bloody hard!

pregnantncnc · 26/11/2021 22:36

[quote Looneytune253]**@devildeepbluesea* As someone who ended up FF after 6 weeks I'm baffled as to why some people see FF as a "faff". Was never anything approaching a faff for us.*

Can you not see why bottle prep and arrangements would be seen as a 'faff'. There's no faffing on with breastfeeding[/quote]
I EBF but tried expressing a few times and found the whole process of washing out and sterilising bottles really tedious and annoying. Hence why I only expressed a handful of times. I remember at the time thinking "I'm going to do everything I can to keep BF to 1 year so I don't have to start doing this with formula etc".

GrrrlPwr · 26/11/2021 22:38

Omg I wish I'd read this thread when I was PG!

The most difficult thing over ever done, bfing.

This has really great info, and balanced perspectives.

Anyone Pg & planning to bf please read and prepare!
Because there is very little support out there in the community. You have to go looking for it.

And if anyone wasn't able to bf for as long as they wanted to- I'm so sorry you were failed. But you did your best, and that's all any mum can do.

High 5s all round!

devildeepbluesea · 26/11/2021 22:42

@pregnantncnc each to his own I suppose. It was a matter of supreme indifference and un-bother to me.

pinksquash13 · 26/11/2021 22:57

Agree with the poster who didn't notice milk coming in but my boobs were already melons. My nipples were also giant salami slices. Gross.

That breastfeeding would be simple after a while. And to some extent it was but also leaking, over supply, regular feeds needed to keep up supply, pumping etc.

Breastfeeding is lovely though. Not every moment but some feeds are beautifully peaceful and I definitely used to get a flood or hormones.

immersivereader · 26/11/2021 22:58

That you can get very ill forcing yourself to do it. Cracked nipples, thrush and mastitis