Any advice? Running out of ideas

[Afsgh]

I've posted here before about my DS' slow weight gain. We're at 9 weeks now and having had a tongue tie revision 12 days ago (which had seemingly been missed by four health professionals), he has just been weighed - he's put only 100g in two weeks and has dropped below the 2nd percentile line.

Up until this point he has been EBF and the advice has been to stick at it. I now think this could be cruel and hindering his growth. It's been suggested that I try to express a top up bottle, but he is so unsettled he tends to spend hours on me, either feeding (although seemingly not very effectively) or wanting to comfort suck/be held, which doesn't leave much space to try to express. I do have a Medela hand pump but I've never been able to express more than 1oz after a feed, at best.

I seem to have an overly emotional attachment to breastfeeding, such that the idea of even one formula feed makes me feel like I will have failed. I know this is irrational and I have never judged anyone for feeding their child formula, so I don't know why this is a hang up for me. Anyway, after the weigh in today my DH and I have decided it's time to try to give DS a bottle in the evening.

I feel like I have done everything to make exclusively breastfeeding a success, but the weight gain is so slow, he is increasingly fussy and unsettled and I'm getting no more than 3-4hrs of unbroken sleep each night. He also is very gassy and I think may have silent reflux.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting, but I'm finding the whole thing pretty brutal at the moment. Others I know with little ones this age seem to be starting to emerge from the newborn fog, whereas it seems to be getting harder with my DS. I just want what's best for him. Any tips/suggestions, anyone who has been through the same?

It does sound as if you've tried everything possible. So please don't be too hard on yourself.

Some things that might help if you want to continue BFing are:

Making sure he's actively swallowing and trying some breast compressions if he's not.

Trying a hospital grade pump. I used Ameda Lactaline and could pump off one breast whilst baby fed on the other which saved some time.

Going to a BFing Support Group or getting in touch with your local La Leche League

Spending a day or two in bed with him. Get your phone and a book, some snacks and drinks and just feed as much as he wants to.

This article from Kellymom is very good as well

You've done really well sticking at it for so long. It can be exhausting.

If he's on you for hours at a time, maybe he's trying to up your supply, I don't know?

If I were you I would do combination of formula and breastfeeding, until he's gaining weight a little and you sort out the breastfeeding issue.

You have not failed.
You are a loving mum who will make hundreds of decisions and choices for your child throughout their life. This is one of those times. You have been presented with a situation and you are making a choice that to the best of your knowledge will help your baby. That’s being a good mum.

I’m an advocate of breastfeeding but an even bigger advocate of doing what you think is right for your baby.

It may be that you can mix feed, that you can return to ebf after a while or you might move to formula completely. All are ok x

Give yourself a break, it's really tough at this stage. I gave my ds and dd bottles here and there for no other reason than I wanted a break, initially felt guilty which is madness, but they both bf well afterwards. It might give you some breathing space and take the pressure off.

You have to do what's right for you. I've ebf 3 DC and I certainly wouldn't judge you.

If you are determined to bf then I recommend taking to your bed/sofa with DC for a week - skin to skin all the time, eat and drink plenty yourself, really focus on their latch and feed them at every opportunity even if it's only 5mins since the last feed.

I found a haaker pump really good for expressing (which I otherwise found nigh on impossible), it goes on the other boob when you're feeding.