FTM - stressed, upset and totally lost

[thismotherhoodthing]

Well done to anyone who reaches the end of this! I'm basically stressed anxious upset and looking for words of encouragement or friendly advice. I'm a FTM and DD is 6 days old. My birth and post birth experience is a bit of a blur and DD wouldn't latch on in the hours following birth. We chose to stay in the birthing centre to try and get feeding established rather than going home.

However I quickly realised that I thought there would be more specialist support available than there was and other than being shown a few positions we were mostly left in a room on our own to persevere and told it would happen soon. One midwife did try to help her latch but was basically forcing her onto my breast and DD got incredibly agitated and from then on wouldn't let me put her anywhere near my breast.

After 3 days we came home with an instruction to keep trying her at the breast but also to pump every 3 hours and give her EBM, topped up with formula if needed. I've been doing this and absolutely hating it/feeling stressed/like a failure every time DD rejected my boobs and cried hysterically. Today I paid for a private IBCLC to visit. She said DD has a mild tongue tie/Frenulum but to "watch and see" what needed to be done. As it wasn't too bad. She gave me nipple shields to try and DD latched straight away. So I've been using these today however the pain is so bad and my breasts are feeling so full all the time and don't seem to empty. The shields are full of milk when she stops feeding so she must be getting something but my boobs feel like rocks, Nipples are red raw and swollen and I'm worried about getting mastitis. I've tried expressing but also worried about over stimulating and making it worse. Tonight I've given her a bottle of EBM a lot of which she spat up and she's also breastfed through the nipple shields. Now I feel like I have no idea how much milk she’s getting and no idea what I’m doing.

Has anyone used nipple shields to BF? I keep thinking surely she is now only sucking on my nipple rather than taking the Areola into her mouth like shes meant to?

I just want to enjoy these first days with my beautiful daughter but I feel like i can't

@Etherealhedgehog this is really good advice. ❤️ I thought about this before I gave birth, but never envisaged I'd want to give up after 10 days! It feels like an eternity though.

@kos88 DD is also small so I do think that could be a factor

It can be so easy for some women and so so difficult for others. Every week you manage to express you are doing such an amazing thing for your baby building up precious immunity with antibodies from you and setting them up for a healthy life. Well done you!

So many people told me just to give it three weeks but we didn't even get tongue tie diagnosis for eight weeks and I am so glad I pumped to at least give me choices. I absolutely love breastfeeding now but oh my it was difficult.

@Flittingaboutagain thank you. I'm in the hospital again today as I think I have mastitis. I feel spaced out, like im on another planet! Hopefully antibiotics will kick in quickly

Don't know if it's available in your area but through the health visitor I went to a breastfeeding group, 4/5 mums and babies and a breastfeeding health visitor
It really helped chatting with the other mums aswell as the support from the health visitor

We are nearly 5 months in now and I've managed to keep up the feeding.

@123feraverto thanks for this i will take a look into it

I've decided to take a break from trying to breastfeed and just pump. I ended up in hospital for a few days on an IV as I developed mastitis that was turning to sepsis so was very ill. Also two huge chunks of my nipples fell off yesterday so I'm going to let them heal before trying anything else

How much did she weigh at birth, OP? And how many weeks was she born at? Does she sleep a lot?

This sounds a lot like my baby. I pumped for a month until she gained a little weight (6lb-er) and then basically started again with breastfeeding & she bfed for 6 months. Sometimes they just need to gain some strength before they can manage it. Worth a go maybe?

Oh my goodness @thismotherhoodthing , hope you're feeling much better now.

You don't have to breastfeed if it's not working out, your baby will be happy and love you regardless.

I am also big of boob and flat nippled, and a male paediatric nurse taught me how to feed as he had to use a technique easy to explain rather than ram my boob into baby's mouth like some others had.

It's not the most portable but I sat on the sofa with a pillow on my knee, then baby on the pillow so I wasn't supporting both boob and baby at the same time. So I had more control over placement of my areola/nipple into his mouth. It did still hurt a bit early on (like the new shoes analogy pp mentioned) but once my nipples healed it was absolutely fine. And as baby got bigger I experimented with different positions but main thing was to get things working properly first. I didn't use nipple shields though.

I would definitely get baby checked for tongue tie, my DC2 had that and even though I knew how to feed it was excruciating until the tie was snipped.

Good luck and take care of yourself too

Ah bless you. I hope things turn around soon. Keep pumping it buys you time and options. Well done you for persevering for your little one!

@Glassofshloer she was 7lb2oz at birth and she lost just over 10% by day 3. We're now at day 11 and she is almost back to her birth weight. She is quite little and has a tiny little mouth She sleeps a lot during the day, not so much at night! 

@ferrypenguin that's interesting. Once I'm ready to try again I'll have a go with this. Definitely going to ask about tongue tie