Breastfeeding Nightmare

[Mamaofaboy]

I’m sick of breastfeeding. I write this with my 21 week old DS finally latched after 10 mins of what feels like wrestling to get him to take a feed. He fights, wriggles, pulls off, cries, latches back on like he’s starving and then does the same again.

This has been happening for at least 10 weeks and I keep waiting for it to get better, but it doesn’t. He was diagnosed with silent reflux about the 10 weeks and he’s taking 3.5mg Mezzopram daily which has made a huge difference to his physical symptoms but he’s still a nightmare when feeling. I should add - this only applies to the boob! He has one bottle of EBM on an evening and he’s absolutely fine. He’s even had a handful of bottles of formula when milk stash has ran low and he’s fine with this too.

Every feed feels like a fight and it’s really getting me down, we have to alternate between rocking, waking around, bouncing, sitting still, standing, perched on the end of a chair so his legs are dangling and he can’t kick off - the list goes on!

Does anyone have any similar experience and anything that helped? BF has been a real uphill struggle for us and I'm feeling really deflated.

Hello! I could have written your post. My DD was SUCH a fusser. Every feed was a fight from about 3 months when she became aware of her surroundings. Feeding in public was a no go. She’d be crying because she was hungry but couldn’t concentrate long enough to get let down then would get frustrated, pull off again and scream.
The only times I could feed her was at night when she was sleepy or before naps but even then I would have to get her sleepy with the dummy first. If I just offered breast she would go mad.
It got better when she was around 7-8 months old. She was also eating then so I think she was less hungry and wouldn’t get so cross waiting for let down. She’s had her on/off fusses since then but things are great now at 1 year.
I don’t know why she was like that. I will be honest, if she was my first I would have been thinking about throwing in the towel but she didn’t take a bottle (still doesn’t).
I never had this problem so much with DS although he was quite fussy with BFing around the 4-5 month mark thinking about it but again wouldn’t take a bottle so I just pressed on.
I hope things will get better. I felt so sad with DD at times as it wasn’t the peaceful bonding experience I had with DS and seemed like a fight every time.
Now we are finally having the lovely feeds I had longed for and I’ll be sad to stop.

Also i could NEVER feed her just sitting. I had to be walking around rocking her. It did get better! It took a while though.

Thank you for the quick reply @jamsandwich1

I feel like we’ve had every single problem going from the outset and we’ve battled through them all, but with this lasting SO long I’m getting weary with it all now! I think he does prefer the bottle, I’ve worn nipple shields for months most of the time as he latches easier but I think it’s affecting my supply so we’re in a catch 22!

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t (and maybe still am) thinking about throwing in the towel - but just as you say sometimes on a night we have a lovely sleepy feed, or first thing in the morning a lovely happy one where he stops but to smile at me and I could cry haha.. motherhood is such a rollercoaster of emotions!

Also, all the reasons I’ve been so intent on breastfeeding all this time haven’t gone away. I feel guilty if I’m able to provide him with milk but then decide not to if that makes sense.

Does anyone know what age is the most beneficial to provide breast milk til, until it tails off? Weaning?

We’ve actually been advised by paediatrician to wean early to help with the silent reflux so this might help too.. I hope!

How many bottles do you give him and what quantities? When DN had silent reflux at a similar age Sil was told not to give more than a very specific quantity per time. It was usually no more than 20-40ml and then she had to finish via a breastfeed. This was to control the reflux because she was told too much formula / ebm in one go is what made it worse & bm would help on the long run (DN had a slight dairy intolerance which is why). As DN was a premie they saw the consultant every 2 weeks until he weaned early at 4 mths.

Are you getting much regular time with a consultant? Have they assessed your feeding plan?

He has one bottle when we wake him for a dream feed at 10-11ish, he’ll take anywhere from 180ml to 240ml. He’s always been a hungry boy, he’s scream blue murder if we tried to take it off him anything less!

I also have to top him up after his breastfeed at 6.30ish (milk supply very low by this point) and give him upto 120ml but he’d happily guzzle more.

I can’t see how that would help @Ozanj seeing as my issue is getting him to feed well on the breast, he’s happy at the bottle?

Definitely no dairy intolerance or symptoms of other allergies either.

DS was full term 39+1 and a healthy weight so never seen a consultant, just a paediatric nurse who agrees with our feeding plan of around these times (both breasts each feed) - 7am, 11am, 2pm, 5pm, 6.30pm, 10–11pm dream feed (this one can be formula if I’ve not pumped enough) and usually one, sometimes two breastfeeds in the night.

You've done very well breastfeeding this long, it sounds like it's been a hard road and you've done really well. It doesn't sound like you or your baby are getting a lot out of it right now... There is nothing wrong with switching to bottles; it's not throwing in the towel and you can still have lovely snuggly cuddly times with a bottle fed baby. You can continue to express and use your milk if you think that would be better, but formula is absolutely fine.

Dd is a bad feeder, she does manage to remain clamped on whilst fighting though.
Can you feed him more at night? I feed laying down in bed and let her latch on then I go back to sleep

I wonder if when you do start weaning things might improve? I did feel it got better for me a bit then. Thinking about it, mainly at that point because I didn’t stress about feeding in public so much. If she was hungry, I didn’t have to have a public screamfest with her screaming at my boob thrashing around while I walked round a cafe with everything in show rocking her, I could just give her some water and a rice cake or whatever and wait until we got home! (No qualms with BFing in public in general, just with my mad DD!)
Also, maybe if he takes a bottle you could feed in the day with that and BF in evening/night/first thing in the morning? You still get that nice bonding experience but maybe some of the stress will be gone?
Don’t feel guilty, please. Happy mum = happy baby.
I would have bottle fed DD for some feeds if I had the choice as the fight was making me feel so down and fed up xx

Thank you @MsFrog it’s easy to think I’ve not given it a “good enough” go I guess. Good point that it’s not just me that’s not enjoying this but him too - the fact it’s best for him is all that’s kept me going.

How do you mean @mayblossominapril what’s your DD like? We used to co sleep and feed lying down for the first 3.5 months or so but he’s been more settled on his own, the few times I’ve tried it since he’s not actually fallen back to sleep feeding and just wriggled around!

Fwiw, I sat down on a chair at bedtime and she latched on immediately, didn’t pull off and fed for almost 10 mins. Even 3 months ago I wouldn’t have believed that would ever happen

Thank you @jamsandwich1 I hope so, ready to start the weaning soon I think so will persevere til then and see how we go! Pleased things are better for you now xx

@jamsandwich1 I wonder if sometimes I’m almost force feeding him - he used to be a really slow eater upwards of hour feeds and now when he pulls off whinging I try to pop him back on thinking he’s surely hungry - maybe I should just leave it be but I hate the thought of him hungry! We’ve settled into the routine so well he doesn’t really give me feeding cues but always seems very happy to begin the feed.

She pinches, scratches, hits and kicks whilst feeding and stretches my nipple as far as it will go whilst still sucking. I’ve currently got thrush due to the damage!
I just sleep in the same bed as her, she’s now 14 months, and she just feeds or comfort sucks until she passes out again. If I don’t really wake up when she wakes up she’ll just root round for a nipple. The feeding isn’t as violent at night.

They do get a lot more efficient after a while so feeds are a lot quicker. DD used to feed for a couple of mins only and I was convinced she wasn’t getting enough but she was gaining weight as expected and plenty of dirty and wet nappies so I guess she was just really quick.

Sil was told to bf baby sitting up upright and the advice to give smaller feeds more often is because silent reflux can be made worse by drinking too much in one go. Although baby appears fine immediately afterwards the reflux develops after the feed which is a pain. At my nursery we feed a baby who developed a throat condition due to reflux & it’s very similar advice except we have to make sure he sits up when bottle feeding too (we have to monitor how much of his special formula he drinks) & he has a pediatrician led feeding plan.

I do think you probably do need face time with a pediatrician now. So they can test for allergies or try thicker or soy based formulas.