Choosing betwen evils, thoughts please...

[agnesnitt]

My son is eighteen weeks old, happy as a pig in muck but not gaining as much weight (or any at all this last week) as I would like. He's been breastfed since birth. My health visitor and many friends have suggested that I could give him one formula feed a day or start weaning.

I'm torn. I am not entirely happy with the thought of either of the options to be honest. However, both have their plus points. First would be the possible bump start of weight gain. Second is the faint possibility that having a full tummy one way or another might allow me to get some desperately needed sleep of an evening.

My problem is that I am wired very strangely and can;t help but feel I'm failing him if I give in. I weaned my daughter at this age, but she was physically trying to steal food if it went near her. My son isn't quite so determnined as yet, although I do get the impression that he begrudges me every bite he sees pass my lips.

I need input!

Agnes

Is he happy and active? Babies , especially breastfed ones tend to gain weights in spurts and can go a week or so without putting any on.
I'd say he's a bit young for weaning yet and if you put him on the bottle he might stop bf'ing all together plus you'd still be doing it.
Can't advise about sleeping. all 4 of mine were breastfed, 2 were good sleeps, 2 had me up at night for years (one still does. She is 3)

agnes, when you say not gaining as much weight as you would like is he following a centile at all? Breastfed babies have peaks and troughs in their weight gain, unless there has been a real problem with his weight I would probably just not have him weighed for a couple of weeks as long as he is passing plently of urine and stools.

OK - here's my input. But I come from the radical wing of the breastfeeding militant tendency, so feel free to ignore me.

I think he needs more breastmilk, not formula or food. He might need more calories to gain weight (although slow weight gain is fine if he is otherwise bouncing, alert, healthy and happy) but the best possible way for a person this age to get calories is to have more breastmilk. Which might mean that you need to up your supply a bit. I suggest that you try to feed him MORE often. If you can, take a day in bed with him, the remote control, some delicious food, some books and the phone off the hook. Just let him feed as often and as much as he wants - this sohould up your supply and also put a bit of weight on him to keep the HVs happy. Then just keep feeding him as often as you can/he will - and before you know it, you will be at 26 weeks and you can start introducing some non milk food.

Good luck - you've doen brilliantly so far - try and keep it up. You will feed seroiusly fab if you do!

He's pretty much following a horizontal line on his chart, instead of following one particular centile he's just about to hit the lowest one marked on the sheet. He's been gaining weight very slowly for about two months now, whereas when he was very small he was piling it on at a reasonable rate.

I know they have their moments where weight is concerned, but over the last eight weeks he has only put on about seven ounces. The irony is that the only reason I know this is that going to the clinic once a fortnight is part of my routine, so I can touch base with my HV regularly and discuss how I'm coping with my PND.

Agnes

Sounds just like DD, I carried on until 6m and tbh the weaning did not help, it took about 6 more weeks for her to start rapid gain and then she shot up!

I can't comment on the formula other than you need to look into what a top up could do to your supply.

well I agree with the frequent feeds, this should up your milk supply if there is a "problem" with it. My DD lost loads of weight and dropped from the 75th to the 20th centile (on a formula chart!), however this is where she has stayed, she was obviously just never meant to be that big. If he is well in every other way I would maybe make an excuse not to have him weighed next time as this can't be helping your PND. Sorry to rush off but DS2 crying, will check back later

If it was me I would carry on BFing and just give more feeds. Baby rice has no calories in it anyway and is meant to be as well as milk.

I suppose also it depends on your long term plans. I started introducing one bottle of formula each week from about 5 months because I was going back to work at 6 months. If you don't have this kind of deadline, you don't need to do this.

I don't want to get flamed here but I'm glad I introduced formula when I did (I didn't have any kind of weight worries for my DD - just wanted to go back to work without expressing and my DD was totally unphased by it).

I have no issues with supply, but I suspect he has an issue with interest. I have enough milk to have ASDA and Sainsbury rip me off should they wish. He just doesn't seem to want to consume much of it

I have 'done' baby led feeding since he was born. He's fed as and when he wants, during the days that's about five times and as often as he can at night. Usually for about half an hour at a time. It's not that he isn't feeding, it's that he doesn't seem to be getting much out of it.

Agnes

agnes, I can understand you feel torn.

He's too young to get anything in the way of extra calories from weaning at the moment.

Baby rice or whatever else you give him would tend to replace milk at this stage. Not good. The idea he is 'begrudging' you food when he sees you eating is certainly in your head and not reality

Adding formula ditto - if he is not interested in extra breastfeeds, then giving him formula would tend to replace the breastfeeding he does do. I don't see the point of that - there is no logic to it, as net calorie gain would be nil, net weight gain would be nil and there is, as you say, no guarantee it would have any effect on his sleep.

There are ways to ensure more rest and relaxation for you, though. Can someone take him for an hour or two each day or each evening (an 18 week old will cope with that if you time it right)? You sound as if you need a break, and formula is only one sort of a break...and not that great a break either, as it is extra work

I'm utterly alone alas. It's me and the two kids

I came here as it just seems so accepted to throw food/formula at them if you breastfeed and run into problems and there's little support if you're unsure about what to do. I just get looked at like I'm a fool if I say I'm not happy at the thought of their proffered options.

Agnes

Agnes, is there a nice, sensible teenager who lives near you, who might help out with your older child at least, to give you a break? An hour a few times a week after school playing with your daughter for £5, if you can afford it, would be worth a lot more than that to you, and your daughter would probably really enjoy it.

Surestart also offer volunteers to come and play with the children for an hour or so to give you a break - worth looking into.
You could give using a sling during the day to give him unlimited access and see whether that helps get a few extra feeds in too.

Love the name btw - Agnes is one of my fave characters.

I know it is hard but it really does not go on forever. Make sure you eat and drink enough, not that it really helps milk production but you will feel better for it!

Sorry about the lack of reply, have been superglued to the sofa all weekend:/

tiktok, no teenagers that I trust in this area. Nobody at all really. My support network is rather small and of the friends I do have they're all run off their feet with Christmas and study.

cmot, Agnes and I are like that . I even have my own inner PerditaX

Anyway, I can't use a sling as I get backache. I used the weekend to get in as many feeds as I could, but it's not logistically possible to do that all week What I'm trying right now is spacing the feeds evenly, so he is more inclined to take a good full feed rather than cluster feeding which he likes to do.

It's all a bit mental. Am away off to the children's centre later to see if I can catch their breastfeeding advice chapess.

Thanks for the advice.

Agnes