i think i need to stop bf. but i don't know how to

[hidingbehindthesofa]

dd is 16mo and i'd like to have another child. i'm still feeding dd 1st thing, before her afternoon nap and before bed. andi expect that this will not help conception.
i was thinking of cutting back anyway but i really think i need to stop in order to get pregnant. i just don't know how to do it. she won't take cows milk (or goats or any other kind), so what to do?

it's up to you
lots of people get pg while still bf

does she eat any dairy? cheese? yog?

you could do don't offer don't refuse and just give her water instead

she eats lots of cheese and will eat yogurt as well. i was thinking more of comfort and how to get her to go to sleep.
also, she demands breast milk in the morning like her life depends on it!

yep, I have mates who got pg whilst bf-ing. Why don't you cut it down gradually, starting with the afternoon nap - if you put her down just after lunch, she'll have a full tummy anyway.

You could then try to get her to have a morning cuppa with you (10% tea, 40% milk, 50% cold water sort of thing). It might enough to fool her into thinking it's a totally different drink. If you already have a morning tea ritual going on, they love being a part of it.

But you can get pg whilst feeding, and there are supposed to be continued health benefits for your daughter, even in the second year - so don't pack it in if you feel she is "too old" or you feel under pressure from wider society.

I'm thinking of ttcing next year and my DD is nearly 13 months. I've been getting regular periods since she was 7 months but I too worry about whether I am ovulating while BFing. My big problem is I think its impacted my libido or maybe its being tired running after a toddler.

I feed her 3 times a day too. I would maybe cut the two sleep feeds and keep the morning feed and drop that last. Giving her breakfast as soon as she wakes up seems to be a trick that is well used.

HV suggested cold turkey and I have to admit that I would be tempted when DD a bit older and I found I couldn't get pregnant. i'm also worried about miscarriage and BFing despite reading there is little data of a positive correlation.

I was in the same boat, however after reading this book and charting for a few months, I know exactly what is going on.

First I wondered "am I ovulating?" I got my answer after one cycle, yes I am. Great.

Then, I saw that it was taking my body a long time to ovulate and that I was ovulating much later in the cycle than before leaving me with too short a luteal phase (time between ovulation and period) for implantation.

So, I cut back from feeding 2yo ds on demand to 4 or 5 feeds a day, and bingo, ovulating much earlier and having a long enough luteal phase now. Hopefully will be pg very soon

So, the bottom line is this. You may not have to stop to get pregnant but on the other hand, you might. If you follow the methods in this book then you will have an answer as to whether you need to stop rather than stopping because you think you need to IYSWIM.

But maybe you just want to stop anyway, which is fine too, 16 months is brilliant!

thanks mawbroon. i have read that book and i'm re reading it now to try and understand it better.
i like the morning cuppa idea. we always have tea in the morning and i think she'd like that a lot.
i have had regular periods since she was 4mo but am not completely sure i am ovulating which is why i was thinking of stopping bf. doesn't it suppress something or other which means getting pregnant can take longer? i'm 39 so i can't afford to hang around IYSWIM.

ideally, i'd like not to stop completely - perhaps just have the morning or eve feed, but feeling the pressure to stop to try and concieve.

Hi, I don't have any suggestions but I can echo what mawbroon says. I'm still feeding at nearly 15 months, just am and pm though. I chart almost obsessively so while I have regular periods, I think it would be tricky for me to conceive at the moment though we are trying. I also seem to be taking a while to ovulate and having a short luteal phase. I want to carry on BF and get pregnant! I think I may also have to stop or cut down 2 one feed a day

On the milk front, I have found that temperature is key to getting my LO to drink.

All the best of luck

I was still feeding DS1 twice a day when I got pregnant with DS2. There is a 2.5 year gap between them.
Could you try an ovulation testing kit to see if you are ovulating?
We used a dummy to help DS1 off to sleep for his daytime nap (worked so well he wotn give it up!!).
Would have thought if you only feed once or twice a day you should be fine.
I was a bit gutted as I breastfed DS1 exclusively for 6 months (including night feeds every night) and my periods still came back as soon as I started giving him solids (6 months).
GOod luck with ttc.

For what it's worth, here's how I did it. I finished feeding my 13 month old DD about ten days ago(sob)! And it was a lot easier than I ever envisaged, once I'd got started. I would like to try to conceive in the New Year, and while lots of other people seem to manage bf and ttc, I don't think it would have worked for me. I only had one period while I was breastfeeding, just before she was a year old, which co-incided with me dropping the morning feed - so for about 6 weeks I was only giving her her an evening feed. I didn't have another period in those 6 weeks, but when I finally stopped altogether I got one within a week.

Anyway - I'd cut back on day feeds without even meaning to from when she was about nine or ten months - I just didn't offer, and she asked less and less. I was staying at my mum's for a week when i cut out the morning feed - my mum kindly got up with her as soon as she woke and took her down for her breakfast. I was worried she'd be screaming for a bf but she didn't ask once, as long as she got her breakfast she was happy! My mum did offer a bottle with cow's milk every day but she completely refused. Tried everything over the course of the next few weeks to get her to drink cows mild but all that she will take is that Toddlers milk in a NUK trainer cup. When I dropped the final feed (the one before bed), my dh put her to bed, and offered her the NUK cup. She wasn't too pleased but took a few glugs and then went to sleep. Never asked for a bf again. So she doesn't drink much milk at all now, but eats plenty of cheese, yoghurt and takes cows milk in her breakfast cereal.

I guess I'd recommend getting someone other than yourself to get her up in the morning and put her to bed when you're dropping those feeds, and hopefully she'll get used to it really quickly. Best of luck in TTC!

Iused natural fertility advice to conceive number 2 son and - TMI alert! - if you can spot fertile mucus in between the periods you are having, chances are you're ov'ing and ready to do the deed there and then. It should be clear, stretchy and profuse (as opposed to opaque/white, clotty/cheesy/creamy and scant)

Good luck!

There is another good natrual contraception / conception book out there but it is out of print.
Fertility - Clubb & Knight.
David and Charles, Third edition 1996.# It has a chapter on Bfing and temping with charts. If you CAT me I can send you it in scanned form. It will be in about 7 emails as the files are enormous.

ok, heres the plan:
dh is going to get her up in the morning and offer raisins and water (her faves) before they come in to me.
i'll get tea and have that to offer when she sees me.
afternoon nap will be delayed till she is really ready to sleep so that she doesn't need to bf to sleep.
eve bf will continue till the 1st 2 are solidly knocked off.

thanks everyone. i really appreciate this advice. its taken me a little while to work up to stopping but i guess this is my jumping off point. have kept going a year longer than i ever expected to anyway!

Sorry, a bit off topic, but I'm amazed to see people giving tea to toddlers. I thought that went out in the 70s!

I can't imagine giving tea to mine, they're manic as it is....

hbts, I got pregnant with dd2 while still feeding dd1 several times a day. I think it's down to the individual, so imo mawbroon's advice is spot on, ie, check to see whether you need to stop rather than stopping "just in case".

ooh, cross posts:

thanks peachy and 5goldrings. TMI coming up: i do have CM but its always white and i can never tell if its stretchy or what!! drives me nuts - the way she describes it in the book, its as if its really simple to distinguish. all i can tell is that its there - not what consisitency.

peachy, thanks for your kind offer. i am going to try and temp chart with this book (as i understand that bit). if it doesn't work, may i contact you then for your one?

thanks a lot ladies.

I'm not sure if this varies from edition to edition, but the version of the book I have has pictures of the CM in it!! I always thought mine was a bit weird, (not going to describe it) but there it was in the book.

I am normal hooray

Agree with you re the tea Welliemum. I read that there is something in the tea that inhibits the absorbtion of iron, so tea is not the best choice for a toddler. It's not the caffeine, so decaff isn't any better a choice.

also www.fertilyfriend.com has some good information (e.g. fertility factsheet you can download). Don't bother paying membership, once you have read their literature you can easily chart your own temperature/monitor your gusset (sorry!) if that's what it takes.

Or just relax, have a glass of vino, and get romantic...

PPS With regard to the tannin in tea stopping absorbion of vitamins, whilst this is true, we are talking about really dilute tea here, and not given at the same time as a meal. Don't think it's going to harm a toddler.

Just to offer a different angle on this ...but would you consider charting (using all 3 signs to be sure as looking at cm alone doesn't guarantee you are ovulating as you can get ewcm in annovulatory cycles as well) for a couple of cycles to see if you are ovulating, before cutting down on the bfing? It may be that you are ovulating & it would be a shame to start mum-led weaning if it wasn't needed to conceive....defo recommend the TCOYF book - very comprehensive & has a section on bfing in the back as well.

This is a great website, charts to down load etc www.fertilityuk.org/

hi all,
i havent' offered tea to dd yet, to all those worried - (i was only thinking of a teeny bit of mine in a large cup of water with milk as well), but raisins first thing seem to be working - she's cutting down a bit on the morning feed.
and nap time bf has ceased with only a little fuss. so, result!
i think i do ovulate, but am using a first response OPK this months just to check. and i am trying charting temps this month as well.
it was sooo easy to conceive dd1, that having TTC only once this time round and it didn't happen, i'm thinking of all the things i could do to make it work this month.
sorry, should be posting on the TTC thread!
thanks for all the advice though.

LOL, don't worry, I wasn't fretting that you'd be brewing up gallons of scorching builders' tea! jUst a throwaway comment really.

I'm lucky and haven't had to learn the technicalities of TTC, so I can't be much help on that score - hope it all works for you soon!

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and until a couple of weeks ago was bf DS (3 in January) morning and evening. It didn't take any longer to get pregnant this time, while breastfeeding, than it did last time.

thanks guys,
good to hear all these stories