Fussy Toddler- Tough Love

[iusedtoloveopalfruits1]

So my 21 month old DS has become more and more fussy! He hardly eats anything given to him except beige foods and baked beans.
He used to eat anything and everything! He now doesn’t even eat the food at nursery which he used to do even tho he wouldn’t eat the same food at home.
Well tonight i’ve had enough he was offered his dinner and he wouldn’t even look at it. So i took him out his high chair and he ran straight to the kitchen looking for something (cereal) .
Ive not given in so he’s had no alternative something my DH doesn’t agree with.
Am I doing the right thing?! Should i stick with this like it or lump it and see if things improve.
I do all the cooking so i’m fed up of wasting my time making stuff he won’t eat. Its so deflating! He’s been offered some milk in his cup but he doesn’t want it and is now quite happy in his bath!!

I agree with your DH, I would keep offering foods I knew he would eat alongside the things I would like him to try.

He's too little for the 'this or go hungry' approach. Tbh I don't like it at any age but he really doesn't have the cognitive ability to think, 'i better eat this or I'll be hungry'. Keep offering new foods alongside things you know he likes and make meals no fuss and no pressure. Keep his meals easy and simple so you don't get cross when he doesn't eat it. This phase will pass whether you pander to him or not.

Rename it all and change how you present it. For example, cut carrots in batons not circles and call them fire sticks

Put the name dinosaur in. Dinosaur pasta, dinosaur lettuce etc. Etc.

@bloodywhitecat
I’ve been doing that for months and months but he just eats the bit he likes and won’t even try the other stuff.
This hasn’t been going on for a few weeks it’s been at least 5 months.

You can't win a battle over food, and if you try you will just entrench the behaviour. Relax, offer a good variety of foods, make sure that at every meal there is something he likes alongside things he might like to try. Don't comment whether he eats or not, keep the mood upbeat and not stressed. It's a phase and he will get over it but it's down to you how stressful it's going to be until he does.

Agree he is too young for that logic. What are you going to do when he wakes hungry in the middle of the night?

I agree with pp, the eat what you’re given or go hungry is a bad approach to take especially in a child too young to understand. I generally don’t like it at any age either as it can cause disordered eating / disordered relationships with food in older children and teens.

You’ve got good advice about keep offering what you know he likes alongside other foods. Always have alternatives to offer. On a side note, my youngest DC has ASD and this was one of the signs of it as they could not stomach certain colours or textures of food. So if I’d taken your approach, I would have really damaged my DC who couldn’t help their food fussiness due to sensory limitations.

I literally give a bit of what we are already having which is normally suitable and If mine won’t eat it I have the fail safe crackers option or eggs, something very easy and quick to do so it’s not that I’m cooking extra meals as such! We are in a fussy stage and my heart was broken making random nice dinners that took ages so gave up on that and our dinners being the same seems to have improved things as we “‘match”.

@Yummymummy2020 that’s what i have allways done just gave him a bit of what we are having but he literally won’t touch it. Tonight i made a fish pie and peas (he likes fish and peas) but he wouldn’t even try it. I’ve given him shepherds pie, spaghetti bol,chilli,curry, mac and cheese, risotto, pasta he won’t eat any of them. Hence why i’m getting a bit fed up!

We have days like this and I revert to the 12+ Soft baby meal bowl things.. ready made basically. Will he eat it if you give him the spoon to feed himself? My DS 20 months has started shaking his head at everything but will eat when distracted by the iPad.. I feel your pain. Making sure they eat healthy and nutritious food is a major battle!

How would you feel if someone kept making you eat food you don't like and not letting you eat what you wanted? Why do you expect your child to be any different?

Often children don't like food 'mixed up'. Separate fish and peas, no sauce fine. Fish pie - nope. Bit of chicken with rice -lovely, chicken risotto - nope. Might be worth trying?

@Peachee The problem is it’s everyday that’s like this. i wouldn’t mind if it was the odd day here and there. We have tried giving him the ipad or having cartoons on the Tv to distract him it doesn’t work he still won’t eat anything he is given even tho 6 months ago he would eat it no bother.

It's a perfectly normal stage of development to be suspicious of food and rely on 'safe' items.
What are his safe foods? Try and encourage them not all to be sweet or carb heavy.
My DD and DSD both were/are quite specific eaters and like to be able to see exactly what they're having. So nothing mixed up or covered in sauces. Dry, crunchy foods were always preferred. So bread sticks, carrot, cereal, etc..
Don't despair over food or let it wind you up. Keep offering new things but don't expect your DS to eat everything.
If DD woke in the night hungry I would offer her an oatcake and some water. Maybe a bit of fruit if I was feeling kind!

@Seeline

Often children don't like food 'mixed up'. Separate fish and peas, no sauce fine. Fish pie - nope. Bit of chicken with rice -lovely, chicken risotto - nope. Might be worth trying?

This precisely for mine.. DD is 14 and is still largely the same. Healthy, good weight etc but really dislikes mixed food.

@Beamur his safe foods are bread, crackers, cereal, chips (home made), beans and fruit sometimes a fish finger or maybe some peas if i’m lucky.
That’s it! it’s not anything i can make a meal from. He’s never really liked bits of meat of chicken or ham etc used to eat sausages ok but not anymore. Won’t eat eggs or cheese unless which was another easy dinner option out the window.

Little kids will also tolerate a lot of repetition!
Will heveat variations on bread - pitta, bagels etc?
Texture will also be a big part of this. Could you try veggie sausages? The Quorn picnic ones are quite tasty.
My DH always used to say kids like kid sized things and he's not wrong! Small portions.
A typical meal for my DD was and still is, meat/equivalent, 1 carb, 1 veg. So chips, fish finger and carrot sticks, for example.
Any joy with nuts? Peanut butter is a good toddler food, soft cheese sandwich maybe?
If for a week he will only eat potato/fish/peas for a meal that's ok.

If it's any comfort my DD never eats any condiments, so no ketchup, mayo, etc. No melted cheese, although parmesan is acceptable, no pizza, never anything resembling a casserole or risotto, only plain veg, most carbs, pretty good with fruit but nothing with fruit in (no jam, no cereal with fruit, no cakes or biscuits with fruit) she has only started eating meat in the last couple of years but would eat certain kinds of fish.
She ate a variation of bread/cracker plus either peanut butter/soft cheese (but only one brand) or babybel every day for school lunches for the whole duration of primary school.

@Beamur he loves ketchup! so i used to put some of that on/next to food and he would then eat it. He now however just scoops up the ketchup and eats that on its own and doesn’t eat the actual food.

Cheeky monkey!
My DSD was a ketchup fiend too.
So you aren't wasting food, maybe try just offering the elements of the meal you're making but seperately. Like fish pie, some plain potato, plain veg and fish? Bit of ketchup on the side...try expanding the safe foods with items that are very similar. Crackers/bread sticks, don't battle over it. Most NT kids do grow out of this eventually. But strange tastes and textures can take a while to grow to like.

My DD lived almost entirely on fish fingers and plain boiled spaghetti for several months when she was about 2.5. They know what they want and like. My health visitor advised me to look at what she ate over the course of a day or a week rather than individual meals, which really helped my approach. If she only ate carbs at one meal I could try and give her fruit or veg for snacks, or a yoghurt or eggs for breakfast. She also ate tiny portions and was completely overwhelmed if given too much, refusing then to eat anything. Little and more often worked better.

Hi any improvements ☺️