Need some encouragement.

[Stefka]

I am still struggling with breast feeding. I had a couple of really bad feeds yesterday and last night and the whole thing is getting me down. I feel like I am paying a really big price as I am just not enjoying this time with my son. I feel so anxious about how much he will feed in the evenings that I get a tummy ache every night. I am struggling to sleep despite being exhausted because of anxiety over feeding.

I feel under so much pressure to just keep going. The HV and the breast feeding counselor seem to think because I have suffered through the pain so far I will just keep going. They say I have turned a corner but I don't really feel that way. Some feeds are better but a lot are not. Having to constantly express is tiring and time consuming as is having to dress the wounds on my nipples after each feed then wash them before hand.

I know it sounds like I want to stop but I really don't. I want to breast feed but I feel totally exhausted right now.

I felt the same way when dd1 was 7 weeks old and actually got slightly hysterical when the doctor came round and ran out of the house.
The next day I flet calmer and made dd latch on properly and drink as much at eat feed as possible (she would feed and stop frequently which made things harder and sorer). Then, when it was close to another feed time we would go for a walk so when we got back she was hungrier then she'd take a decent amount. A also made her empty one breast before starting on the other.
It did get easier and less sore and I fed her until number 2 was born 15 months later. Even then there was a tearful 'I can't do this' at about 5 weeks old.
I think there are some homeopathic remedies you can take too, for anxiety.
Is the breastfeeding counseller any good? Sometimes their 'solutions' just seem like more problems and they don't realise that inside you're all tearful but still nodding.

Are you trying to do too much too? especially evenings? How old is your baby?

He will be six weeks on Sunday. I have had six different people out to watch me feed so I have had various different bits of advice. Sometimes it doesn't hurt but mostly it does. I have bad cracks on my nipples and I think it will hurt until they heal. I am starting to see some improvement on them but it is so slow. When it doesn't hurt I stare at how he is on but I see no different to the times that hurt like hell. Sometimes he just seems to irritate the wounds more than other times.

I really feel for you, Stefka. You could count on one hand the number of painfree feeds I had and, like you, they looked the same as the painful ones as regards latch. DS2 (seven weeks old) has never managed to open his mouth wide enough and when he gets close, he slips up to the nipple and it was very painful and trashed my nipples. This is despite pursuing several avenues of help. He was incredibly sleepy and jaundiced which didn't help and I worried about the amount he was getting.

I have now gone onto full time expressing and am managing to keep up with DS2 by using a double pump 8 times a day but am hoping to drop a pump or two at 12 weeks when supply is more established. I haven't given up on BF and have begun trying again recently but no joy. I have heard of 3 or 4 month olds successfully latching on so I am hoping this will happen to me! I know expressing isn't ideal and is very hard work but it has given me back my sanity while I try BF without damaged nipples.

I really hope you get a breakthrough soon - you have done so well to get this far.

Yeah I had the NCT counsellor out. I called her again and she told me to rest my worst side to help it heal which did help a bit. The better they get the less it hurts. Part of me thinks I just need to heal and another part of me thinks that I must still be doing something wrong. It's frustrating.

Pinguino you are doing so well to do all that expressing! I really hope you can get the feeding sorted out. My DS also often slips onto my nipple. I was told to take him off each time he does it so he learns that he shouldn't do it.

Hi and well done for persevering so far! Not sure whether this gives hope or the prospect of another few weeks of bother, but I never got properly established with painless (or less pain!) until about 8-10 weeks.

My son was tongue-tied but none of the health professionals picked up on that...it was my mum! It really hindered his latching on and so feeding was really sore.

As for the nipples...when I was really bleeding and sore, I would feed from my 'good' one and express from the other (I found this less painful). SMOTHER on the nipple cream (can't remember the name but it is about a tenner...well worth it!) and let them air whenever possible. Try not to use breastpads with plasticky backs (disposable ones tend to be).

Most of all, and hardest of all, try to relax!! As NMC did, try and do a marathon feed late afternoon or early evening to take some of the stress away from the evenings for you for now. Some babies just seem to do their stocking up in the evening!!

HTH and good luck!

IS there a way to get your LO to feed longer during a particular session? He tends to come off the boob in a coma!

Stefka

Hi again. Man, you've really had the roughest ride haven't you? Is it still the evenings that are worst then? Perhaps you are a lot more tired then and the latch is slipping?

When you say 'I feel so anxious about how much he will feed in the evening' do you mean because it will hurt or because you don't know whether he will get enough milk or both or some other reason?

It sounds like you are, indeed, totally exhausted. Can you find some ways of helping yourself with that, while gritting those teeth against the pain? Could you for example:

• leave the house for half an hour when you're anxious, walk fast or drive with some loud music on to change your mood?
• take a long bath by yourself with lots of smellies and candles
• take a long bath with your LO and see if feeding is more relaxed in the bath
• ask a friend/DH to stay with you a couple of days while you stay in bed and have them bring you everything you need so you can relax and sleep in between feeding
• get to a local BF group just to get stuff off your chest, get out of the house and get another perspective on things
• get someone to do a recce of BF facilities in your local town/city, get that pushchair out and go get a free makeover at a dept store
• invite someone who has successfully BF over for coffee

-get a slong on and go for a long walk You've probably got your own list of things you used to do before the baby to pamper yourself but if you're at your wits end, it's definitely time to do a bit of looking after your own needs - you deserve it in return for all this effort and pain you're going through to do the best for your baby. Do you have supporters around you who might also need to be told you need more support?

And then, if you're still determined to BF, and it sounds like you are which in the circumstances you've been through, is fantastic, come back here for more support and suggestions!

PS, If when you say dressings you still mean the Jelonet, I didn't bother washing before BF - it is just vaseline and since this is used on preemies' lips I don't think there's a problem. Nor does Lansinoh need washing off. And I've been using the Silverettes between feeds to sort my problem left nipple - I've found they work brilliantly but only if you do the bicarb of soda treatment beforehand.

Thanks Monkeybird! I do need to do more for me I think. It's hard because I am on my own - my family are far away and my DH works really long hours.

I did venture out to a BF group this week. It was a mixed experience. I found it a bit depressing to see how easily the other women feed but it was helpful to see them latch their LO's on too.

I feel anxious because he tends to feed a lot longer at night and leaves shorter gaps between feeds. I think he is getting enough milk though - he is putting on weight anyway.

I made myself go out for a wee walk with the pram today which helped. I think I am mainly really tired.

Thanks so much for all your support - it's been brilliant.

Hi - OK I'd ring one of the helplines or ask your BFC about longer feeding but here's what I have found - mine feed more in the evenings with shorter gaps (cluster feeding) as they seemed to be topping themselves up for a longer sleep at night. But agree it's much harder to go through this when your nipples are shredded.

If your baby is in a coma maybe he's had enough and just wants to sleep? You could try swapping sides if you haven't already as a faster flow of milk again might wake him up... Twiddling an earlobe or tickling his spine might work also to revive him a bit.

But it might just be normal evening feeding.

Have you seen any of the advice on breast compression? Jack Newman recommends this to 'speed' up a feed or help drain the breast more and suggests it might help women with pain get more in their babies more quickly. See here for more info

I know what you mean about seeing everyone else, but I couldn't feed without pain for 12-13 weeks with DS1, 10 weeks with DS2 and though not nearly so painful with DS3 it is only just now I'm not feeling so worried about it hurting (14 weeks). I bet some of those women have been through what you've been through anyway - it's just testament to what a positive and simple experience it can be later on, and how much they - and you - can enjoy it. I know we keep saying it and it must be hard to believe, but once those nipples heal, you will gradually come across a day where you think 'hey, I really enjoyed feeding my baby today'...

I tickled his feet.

Stick with the BF group - I found it quite intimidating at first for the same reasons as you, but they turned out to be really supportive.

Totally agree with MB on the 'you' time as well. Everything seems a teensy bit easier when you feel more rested/nourished.

Got no idea what a 'slong' is though - and no I definitely didn't mean 'schlong'...