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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Cross nursing

35 replies

isthatsocrazy · 12/08/2021 00:25

After a debate with my husband, I'm interested to hear views on this. It's where an aunt or friend feeds the baby from their breast. I couldn't exclusively breastfeed my son at the beginning and we used some doner breast milk. I was very grateful for this and to me the only difference between this and cross nursing, is the baby being at the breast. So I am of the opinion that it is amazing and a gift if someone were to do that for you. It's not strange to me, I don't think. Wondering what others think.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 12/08/2021 15:38

Although as I understand it, Donors are screened for HIV, Hep B & C, HTLV and Syphilis so being at the breast isn't the only difference...

EdwinasPuppy · 12/08/2021 15:44

It wouldn't be for me

🤢

nellly · 12/08/2021 15:59

In some cultures this is totally normal and stops a baby starving when mum struggles to feed. I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with it but if it was that or have my baby hungry I would do it in a heartbeat.

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 12/08/2021 16:00

@BunnyRuddington

Although as I understand it, Donors are screened for HIV, Hep B & C, HTLV and Syphilis so being at the breast isn't the only difference...
I guess with close family members you might trust that they didn't have anything that might get transmitted in breast milk (though they themselves might not know). I think the screening on anonymous donor milk is very necessary, otherwise it's a big risk to take just to avoid supplementing with formula.
miltonj · 12/08/2021 16:03

I don't actually know, but I feel it would be confusing for the baby. It's a time for bonding with mum. Surely formula would be preferable to another woman breastfeeding your baby.

EishetChayil · 12/08/2021 20:15

I'd love to live in a big commune of women who all breastfed each other's babies.

sylbunny · 12/08/2021 20:21

I don't think it's something I'd do BUT if there was an emergency I wouldn't think twice about feeding someone else's baby or them feeding mine.

BeansMeansBeans · 12/08/2021 20:23

I would be ok and would prefer this to formula.

Sickoffamilydrama · 12/08/2021 20:27

I have once in desperation tried to feed my niece, SIL was working at a holiday club couldn't leave for hours as one of only 2 adults and gave her permission for me to try.

DN was a baby that cried a lot (GPs could never find anything) my DM had been looking after that day and she'd barely had any bottle.

I was feeding my DS who was a few months older so as the last straw I tried feeding her. She hated it didn't latch on.

I'm sure if a baby was calm it might work and it would make evolutionary sense that women shared that work load.

Sickoffamilydrama · 12/08/2021 20:31

Oh and it was really weird as she felt all wrong in my arms as I was used to DS.

Pissinthepottyplease · 12/08/2021 20:41

Apparently normal up to the 1950s in poorer communities in Liverpool.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/08/2021 20:44

It used to be very common,people paid wet nurses.

RavenclawsRoar · 12/08/2021 20:59

It's still done today in countries where breastfeeding rates are really high. I read somewhere (can't remember where) that new mothers are are put to bed after birth and given all night to rest while female relatives/ friends take the baby and nurse when needed. It makes sense really- I think naturally we are meant to parent more as part of a community and feeding is a part of that. Lots of mums say they want to ff or introduce a bottle so dads/other people can bond with the baby - I think we recognise that feeding a baby is important for everyone but baulk when it comes to breastfeeding as it's become so not-normal and bodies are generally very covered. If we were brought up seeing grandma, aunty and mum breastfeeding babies in the community it wouldn't feel so odd having the same support as a new mother. I probably would feel weird if someone else nursed my babies but I don't think I'd be upset or horrified- presuming I knew the woman well and she was doing it because I was ill/indisposed and she was trying to help. Incidentally, wasn't there a celebrity who came under fire for nursing a stranger's baby in a hospital or orphanage that she was visiting? I'm sure I read that once.

CrazylazyJane · 12/08/2021 21:04

I was 'crossed nursed' (39 years old, UK born but from an Asian background, if that matters). My mum's friend (also asian) had a daughter who was 9 weeks oder than me and apparently regularly breast fed me, when I was in her care and my mum fed my her friends daughter. My mum was of the opinion that she's rather me have breast milk than formula.

I wouldn't have a problem with my sister or my very best friend feeding my child or vice versa and I would be grateful for screened, donated breast milk via a hospital. It's not for everyone but I'm not opposed to the idea.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 12/08/2021 21:05

I think it seems weird because we see BFing as an intimate, personal thing and there's all the stuff about your body adapting milk to baby's needs etc etc, but like a PP I'd happily live in a community of women doing this. Not sure I'd be at home in 1950s Liverpool though Wink.

Incidentally -

doner breast milk

... amazing typo Grin

tnetenba · 12/08/2021 21:11

I wouldn't have an issue with someone I knew feeding my baby and I would feed someone else's baby if needed (obviously only is asked by the mother).

The western worlds point of view on breastfeeding just upsets me to be honest. How can something so pure and full of love be twisted the way it is in this country, to the point of our severely low breastfeeding rates.

Original poster
isthatsocrazy · 13/08/2021 00:26

Thanks for the replies!

Amazing typo indeed 🤣

Another thing that came up which might not go down too well was my point that humans drink cows milk, so what is the issue with drinking another human's milk? I am actually vegan so maybe it felt like I was criticising drinking cows milk. It's a personal choice for me and not a criticism. Merely stating that I think it's less weird to drink human breast milk than another species'.

OP posts:
miltonj · 13/08/2021 05:04

There's a Vegan saying..,. 'Not my mum, not my milk'.... 🤣 think that extends to this situation!

Also I'm really surprised people would rather have someone nurse their baby rather than pop to the shops snd buy some formula in an emergency when mum isn't there.... I think people who have used formula think it's some weird concoction, when in reality it's just regular cows milk, with added vitamins.

Bakewellisntjustacake · 13/08/2021 06:15

Someone I weant to uni with does this. She had 4 sisters and they all feed each other's children. Not Asian. Oldest is 6 and still feeds youngest is 9 weeks and they will just feed each other's kids if they're at home or out and about. It's constantly posted to Facebook and it makes me feel weird but I don't know why so I guess that feeling is on me!!

CrazylazyJane · 13/08/2021 07:08

@miltonj

There's a Vegan saying..,. 'Not my mum, not my milk'.... 🤣 think that extends to this situation!

Also I'm really surprised people would rather have someone nurse their baby rather than pop to the shops snd buy some formula in an emergency when mum isn't there.... I think people who have used formula think it's some weird concoction, when in reality it's just regular cows milk, with added vitamins.

When my mum has spoken about cross feeding, she references some scandal, in I don't know when, somewhere in a developing nation, regarding a formula company using dirty tactics and therefore not being able to trust them. I'm nearly 40 and she still doesn't trust formula companies when their adverts come on the TV. My mum likes to hold a grudge Grin

But I think I would prefer my child to have someone else's breast milk than formula if my milk wasn't possible.

MoreAloneTime · 13/08/2021 07:14

Before having kids I'd have found the idea gross and yet by feeding mine it changed my mind. If there was a situation with a hungry baby and no access to milk it would seem the obvious thing to do.

Russell19 · 13/08/2021 07:19

@CrazylazyJane that was Nestle in Africa. It was absolutely shocking.

Vbree · 13/08/2021 08:57

Definitely not for me! But each to their own.

dramalamma · 13/08/2021 09:20

I'd do it if needed and can't really understand the ick factor - is it the putting baby to the breast that people have a problem with?
Also formula is not just milk with added vitamins - Some of my babies had formula alongside breastmilk so I'm not knocking it but If you look into the manufacturing processes it's messed around with a lot with chemicals added to spray dry it and then add more fat etc to make it more suitable for a baby human rather than a baby cow. Formula is fine - and an incredible lifesaving invention - but it's never going to be as good as breastmilk because it wasn't made for humans.... won't even get started on nestle and their shady money-grabbing tactics

CrazylazyJane · 13/08/2021 11:20

[quote Russell19]@CrazylazyJane that was Nestle in Africa. It was absolutely shocking.[/quote]
Probably. My mum's not that hot on fact checking and probably got the wrong end of the stick. Why let the truth get in the way ? Hmm And actually, thinking of about it, she won't buy Nestle chocolate, so you're almost certainly right.

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