Am I crazy to use BF to soothe?

[fuxxake]

Baby is 10mths, used to be a great little sleeper and no problems settling at bedtime or if woke in the night. Not so recently! She's v unsettled going to bed and also waking in the night but will settle no prob if she can latch on and stay there until she's out for the count.
Am I just getting her into a bad habit of feeding in the night again/always needing boob to get back to sleep when she wakes?
I don't mind the nighttime so much but evening bedtime is difficult as the other DC are waiting for me to put them to bed and I can end up a couple of hours with baby easily.
Should I just get her used to no boob outside of specific feeds?

Yes! I wouldn’t do that or you’ll be trapped doing bedtime!!

It worked for us. DS started naturally sleeping through the night and settling himself at about 16 months. Id bf him till he was calm and sleepy then put him in the cot and leave. He’d wake and whinge for a few mins in the night but would settle himself. I do believe that sleep is developmental and not as dictated by feeding as many proclaim. It’s so natural to feed to soothe and it works for you so crack on!

Thanks both. Opposite answers lol. It's hard, I'd prefer her not to rely on bf to get back to sleep every time but so tired at the moment, it's the easy way for me to get more sleep.
I'll be stuck with bedtimes anyway even without bf, it's just she's taking so long at the mo to settle, the other DC aren't getting any time. Need to find the energy from somewhere to resist popping her on the boob when she cries

That's what boobs are for!!! They provide milk and comfort. You are not setting up your baby with bad habits - this is all completely normal baby behaviour. Your baby is only 10 months old, still so small. You've said so yourself that the easiest way to get baby back to sleep is to give boob. Why would you make life harder for yourself by doing something differently? Just continue what you are doing and both you and baby will be happy and will get back to sleep faster :)

Pacifier. That was how I got my kids to self soother initially. They always had cuddles and held but at night as soon as they stopped feeding, the pacifier went back in and back into their cribs (or co-sleeping with DS2).

It’s exhausting being sucked on 24/7 and it may be harder to break the habit (if it’s something you want to break).

Agree with PPs - I was dreading stopping feeding DD because of all the 'oh you've made a rod for your own back' bollocks that people come out with, and thought it would be really difficult to stop when I'd been using it for so long to get her to sleep. Now I've decided to stop she doesn't seem that bothered. Dropping night feeds when I was ready to was fine too, despite the fact that people had told me it would be awful because I'd been relying on it to get her to sleep. Do what is right for you now and deal with stopping feeding later - it has been fine for us, and like I said I had been using it to get her to sleep.

I really hate all these shitty narratives that are forced on mothers, it's so unfair at a time when they are feeling vulnerable and judged anyway.

Some people will tell you that you make a rod for your own back by feeding to sleep. I disagree. Struggling to enforce rules on a baby won't make them any better at self-control, and it won't make them sleep better. They only know what they need, and what they feel, so just do what works and worry about structure later

It doesn’t sound like you want to keep feeding to sleep so I wouldn’t. The whole babies are so small, it’s perfectly natural response is bizarre to me. You have good reasons not to do it - you want to spend time with your other kids, get some decent sleep yourself so I would try and replace the boob with something else comforting. If it’s a dummy or a comforter or a bottle (not sure if she’ll take formula) then any of them will reduce pressure on you.

Oh god don't deny the powerful magic that your boobs can perform!
Mine all fed as they wanted when they wanted - my worst sleeper was the one that refused to feed to sleep past 9 months

I used to do other kids bedtimes with baby on my knee feeding while sitting on the bed reading bedtime stories - would that work?

Humans adapt to new things all the time - no 10 yr old needs to breastfeed to sleep, baby's need change as they become a toddler & then older etc giving them what they need now is not signing up to give them that forever!

Whatever works best for you now is what's best now.

Thanks again all. I haven't really got a problem with feeding in the night, I can live with that. It's the drawn out bedtime that's the problem. She must be having a serious sleep regression or developmental leap, these last few nights have been awful!
I started her bedtime 7pm with a bath then the usual long feed, fine. She dropped off around 8pm, not bad. Then woke as soon as I put her in cot. Cue over an hour of messing around. I had put her lullaby thing on and quietly left to put the others to bed and she got seriously upset. I went back every few mins to place her lying back down, shh gently then leave and she was hysterical the whole time. It's really not like her, she's always been very chilled and calm and accepting. I used to leave her awake in her cot and walk away no probs until recently.
In the end, I stayed there till she calmed enough to 🙄feed again🙄 and she's hopefully properly asleep now. But it's nearly 9.30, I've not eaten since midday again, DH has had to put the others kids to bed again so he'll be annoyed and the kids will still be asking when they can have mummy at bedtime so I feel so guilty for them.
Ugh. I'm just wittering on really. If it wasn't for the other kids, I'd just roll with what she wants/needs for now as she'll change again soon enough. I just feel a bit of a shit mum to the others these days 😕

@Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons with DC2 I used to feed whilst reading to DC1 but this baby will not feed with the other two around. That's playtime to her, she's far too interested in what they're up to to settle.
I'm starting to wonder whether to make her afternoon nap a little later or longer and actually keep her up till they've gone to bed and do her bedtime 9ish. I hate that tho, I'd much prefer her to go earlier, it seems very late

It’s hard. There’s no “right” answer, but honestly how bad a habit is it really? It’s lovely fir you, lovely for the baby and presumably you won’t still be nursing them to sleep when they’re 3 so I’m in the “roll with it” camp here. I miss breastfeeding a lot.

Why would your DH be annoyed about putting the other kids to bed? That's part of being a father/half of a couple... Does he try to settle the baby or just leave it to you? It might actually be easier for him as he doesn't have boobs to make that an option!

Mine all went through various phases of sleeping well, then taking ages to get to sleep, then being great again for a while, then back to the drawn out bedtimes. It's torture when you're in one of those phases where bedtime seems to take all evening. I don't think in our case that breastfeeding had anything to do with it. It was just something they grew out of and often it would coincide with a developmental milestone. Breastfeeding to sleep, even when it took AGES, allowed us to get through those times with minimal upset.

I agree with other PPs that framing it as a "habit" to break, or having people refer to breastfeeding for comfort as "making a rod for your own back" is very unhelpful. Feeding for comfort and feeding to sleep is very normal and very developmentally appropriate behaviour for a baby/toddler. It's one of the purposes of breastfeeding. If you want to keep breastfeeding then do it! Don't listen to people who think they know you and your child better than you do.

Ahh my eldest was like that fuxxake (lucky she was the eldest!) I couldn't even pick up a book to read if I was feeding her

My second would prioritise bf over everything else

If your DH is around can't he do bedtime for the bigger ones? Make special storytime with mummy or whatever they need most earlier in the day- preferably when DH can have some time with the baby.

It's a short season & so long as everyone gets some time with you (including yourself!!) it's all good.