Exhausted, Trapped at Home.................

[highlander]

DS is 8wks on Monday (already!!) and is gaining weight and growing like mad

He sleeps from 8pm (sometimes 7pm) until 12am, feeds then sleeps on until 3:30am/4am when he has another feed - generally a 5 min snack but sometimes longer. He does feed like a barracuda and drains the breasts pretty quickly! Poo is never green so I assume he's getting sufficient hindmilk.

He USED to then sleep from 4:30am until 6:30am when his nappy needed changed, nap for 1 hour, have a snack at 8am-ish then have a long sleep for a couple of hours. But now he's grizzly from 5am onwards and sometimes grizzles all morning.

He's always been pretty fussy during the day, maybe only taking 2 long feeds (>10mins), the rest of the time snacking for 5 mins. Pooing and peeing fine. Swaddling has helped lengthen his sleeps. He has a couple of distinct 'active wake' times (first thing in the morning and at 4pm) when he's very interactive and likes to be under the baby gym.

Whilst I feel very lucky that he's generally very settled and reasonably predictable at night, I'm starting to feel trapped at home during the day. I'm frightened to go out just in case he bawls cos he's too tired to sleep - he rarely sleeps for more than an hour at a time and is completely unpredicatable. The weather is totally shite here in Vancouver - it's pissed down most days for the last 2 weeks so if I'm out for a walk I can't lift him out of the pram to settle him. My UK driving licence is no longer valid here and I can't get away from DS long enough to take my test (I actually haven't even driven since he was born).

Has anyone any idea why he's grizzly during the day? He's soooo unpredictable that I rarely go out now unless he's had a good long feed. I'm happy to feed him in public but I get so terrified if he decides to scream and there's nowhere suitable to comfort him. There's been a couple of times I have taken him out when he's been upset but all he does is scream louder and if the weather is cold or wet I literally have to sprint home.

I'm feeling really miserable. I'm in bed by 8:30pm each night, having to get up twice then up for good at 5am.

I'm desperate to get him to sleep for more than 1hour after the 4am feed - it would make sooo much difference. I just feel exhausted at the mo

BUT - is this just the normal pattern for a wee 8wk old?

BTW - dead against forcing him into GF-type routines as I want him to take milk when he needs to accomodate growth spurts, thirst etc.

Have you got a sling fot the daytime? I used a huggababy and was able to carry dd and feed at the same time. It was impossible to tell.

i remember this only too well (dd is now 13 months) and it really is exhausting. Can second the sling idea... wish i had done that. His pattern sounds much like my dd's was... I co-slept which helped a bit as she just nuzzled up to me when she needed a feed and it didnt wake me up fully, iykwim. I'm also anti-GF and have never wanted to try that route. It all sounds like a normal pattern in that its what i experienced... its the luck of the draw, i know many babies who only woke once at 2am for example! People often told me that bf babies wake more... dont know if thats true. Honestly though, it wont last for long and things will seem easier soon... Perhaps he's unsettled during the day due to colic maybe? I've no experience of this though... I'm sure others will be along here soon to advise you. You are not alone!

highlander, you sound just like me with my dd (she's nearly 3 now!). All I can do is second (third?!) the advice about the sling; I learned it too late with dd but used one almost constantly with ds and he loved it). Both of mine wewre colicy and generally unsettled until they were about 3 months old, I have no idea why.

Also, just keep chanting 'it's just a phase' to yourself, you'll be amazed how quickly things change!

Yup, ds practically lived in the sling at that age. He was also quite a snacker and I found that pumping and giving him a bottle occasionally helped to fill him up and saved my sanity.

I can well remember going to bed at 7:30 just to accumulate bits of sleep. It's awful, but it does pass eventually.

ps feel free to want to punch me for the 'you'll be amazed how quickly things change', I've just remembered how much I hated people saying that to me when I was in your situation , even though it's right

Seriously, I do think it's loads harder with the first as you imagine this is how it'll be for ever more, whereas with any subsequent children you realise you just have to grin (!) and bear it...

Here, here Clayhead! I almost cringed as I typed that as I soooo hated it when people said it to me.

that's very reassuring - thanks! As long as I know there's nothing I'm doing wrong then I can put up with it for another month or so.

Roll on the nights where DS drops his 4am feed - please let it come soon. I never thought I would consider 6 hours sleep being a luxury

Clayhead, laughed out loud at the 'it'll all change soon' comment
My sister said exactly the same thing a couple of weeks ago, 'you'll have heard this a million times and are probably fed up of hearing it...'

This is most definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. But in a funny way, the reward of seeing DS content and growing well is well worth it. Especially as he started smiling back at me last week

thats why they say babes smile around 6 weeks old. Just as you are getting to the end and about to sell them to the gypsies - they smile at you and melt your heart.
I gather you are a fellow scot - away from home.
v. hard - my ds is 8 mo and it's been a loooonggg 8 months. But it all swings in roundabouts. my ds slept for 13 hours at night from 8 weeks old till 5 mo and NOW he wakes at 4 am!! So you have the 13 hours to look forward to.
I hardly ever got out and about when ds was younger - but I joined a couple of playgroup/swimming type thingies - noone minds if your lo kicks off - cos theirs all do too!

Highlander, sorry to hear you are knackered and finding it hard. Your ds sounds so similar to mine - can't bloody drop off to sleep without screaming blue murder first. V hard`when trying to get out and about. But it will get better soon (ish!). Honestly! You;ll stop feeling so tired and he'll settle more and more. Can you just take hikm out in a sling to stop the hollering? DS usually fairly Ok in Baby Bjorn. DS is my second high-maintenance, loud, hungry, unsettled sprog. And it's so much harder to deal with him plus tantrum-queen. They literally take it in turns to wake up throughout the night. I just feed ds in bed so I can just latch him on and go back to sleep as he feeds. Hope things improve soon for you. Take care

won't he sleep in a buggy or a car seat though?

DD comes out with me and if she's cranky I'll just wheel her to a quiet(ish) corner and recline the back of the buggy and she'll sleep for a while

but you know your baby best so maybe it won't work for yours

Go with the advice of others to use a babysling. I use a babybjorn - perfect. When it rains I can keep little one dry under the umbrella. I use a rucksack as my handbag! With a babysling you can use public transport easily. Could you co-sleep with ds - my little ones have never slept for long by themselves and sleeping next to them saved me from no sleep. When they wake you can bf them lying down & sleep a bit at same time. My dds always bf & slept through night. All the best

Hi highlander. When my DS was 8 wks old I used to put him to bed at 7pm-ish. He would then wake for a feed at 2am and 5am. Now he's 15 wks. Still goes to bed at 7pm. I wake him for a feed at 11pm then he goes straight back to sleep until 7am, sometimes 7.30am. What I'm saying is, your DS will drop his night feeds soon when he's ready so just hang on in there. I found that once I got my long stretch of sleep back I began to cope so much better. I'm sure you will too once you get more sleep.

My DS was also pretty grouchy during the day when he was about 8 weeks. But now he's a much more contented baby.

Also now DS is so much more responsive and plays well, so it's so much more fun and rewarding looking after him. The bottom line is, things will improve and this difficult phase you're going through won't last forever.

Good luck!

Highlander, I'm sorry your DS hasn't got the knack of sleeping in a pram - when they do, it makes life much easier. My DS1 took ages to learn to do it, but DS2 seems to have taken to it faster, thank goodness - although when he starts shouting, the best thing to do is to bounce him about a bit, up a flight of stairs, over bumpy cobblestones, that kind of thing! Which is a bit odd, I guess, but it really puts him to sleep. So there might be different things you could try to get your DS to sleep in the pram, if that's what you want. (Helpfully, DS2 has recently changed from sleeping quite happily in the front garden after I stop pushing the pram, to snapping awake once I stop it. Gr.)

About your sleep - are you going to sleep when he does at night? If not, you might want to try waking him for a feed when you go to bed. We've been doing that with DS2 and sometimes it works, makes him have his biggest sleep from when I go to bed, not from when he does, IYSWIM. To make him have a good feed, we've got to get him out of bed and change him, to really snap him awake, which is a bit brutal, but I do boob him back to sleep right away.

I don't think the Baby Bjorn works for feeding in it, if you want to feed on the go. The Kelty Kids slings work great for feeding on the go, at least if you're reasonably small-breasted, in my experience. Very discreet and practical.

I agree with you NotQuiteCockney - I found bumping the pram around and up and down stairs worked quite well. Also highlander why not invest in an electronic swing chair during the day for grizzly times and a lullaby playing the room ! I have just lent my friend with a dd who is nearly 3 months and she swears by it and manages to get her housework and chilling out time to herself. Try it - you will be surprised !

Sorry to butt in and ask a stupid question - but does green poo mean a lack of hindmilk?

Hope things get better for you soon Highlander. Ds is only 2 weeks old so I have this all to come....!

beansprout - loads on this in the archives. Basically, green poo is on the normal spectrum. It can occur in a baby who is doing just fine, and it is not an issue. In babies who are miserable, not gaining weight, in distrress.....then it might be a sign to check the effectiveness of the feeding.

Thanks Tiktok - will have a trawl through the archives too.
What would I do without MN?

Highlander - I accept your aversion to GF as she is very prescriptive BUT, you could use it as a guideline. You don't have to follow it to the letter but it is honestly easier to follow some sort of feeding and sleeping routine and you can always jig it around for your own needs.

I have followed it loosely with all 3 ds's and have not had problems with sleep. DS3 is 10 weeks now and has been sleeping through without a middle of the night feed for a good month now.

Just use it for a vague idea of where to start in the morning, generally when they feed and generally when they sleep and for how long. I know babies are all different and perhaps it won't work but maybe it's worth a try?

Sorry if you really don't want to try it and I've been totally useless. Hope things get better for you soon.

We used all sorts of things which work depending on his mood: swing chairs, bouncy seats with built-in vibrator, wearing a sling or baby bjorn. We did get a gift of music called Sleepytime that we still play to get him settled down.

Hi ya,

In the early days I spent a lot of the time trying to get my little one to sleep as she would grizzle or even go into melt down if she got overtired which didn't take much. Even now at five months she won't stay up for more than an 1hr / 1hr 30 without needing a nap. I found that there is a very small window I have to try and get my daughter down otherwise she is too tired to get off (I couldn't even get play mats out in the first few months). If I miss the window the only thing that works is the hoover!!!!!! I only bring this out in extreme cases because I didn't want it to become a prop for her sleep. Now little one is older she finds soothing herself a lot easier. She either coos to herself of sucks her thumb and then drops off. We still have out bad days from time to time. Good luck. (p.s if you don't like the GF book try the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. Not all of it suited us but the bit on sleep helped us)

paying a bit more attention to his cues during the day. He definitely cluster feeds and I've been 'persuading' him to have more naps. I find it a bit easier to predict him now, which has made getting out a whole lot easier, especially as the weather has taken a sunny turn

He's going to bed ealier (6pm-ish) and generally sleeps until 11:30pm and then until 3am. However, he's still very grumpy from then until 7am. I guess his body clock will work out eventually!

I wonder if he's just going mad growing as well - I weighed him yesterday and he's 1lb shy of doubling his birthweight at 8wks. Explains the constant boob attachment!

Back to the UK tomorrow night for a couple of weeks - 17 hour journey, oh joy

Thanks for all the advice/reassurance