Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

anyone else worried about bf at christmas, in prescence of family and friends?

28 replies

pregnantbabyelephant · 26/11/2007 14:20

dd is coming up for 6 months and ive started to get the when are you going to stop thatcomments even this am gran ask me when i was going to pack that in
i know its because they only used to feed them for a few weeks in her day but it just makes me feel a bit uncomfy iykwim?

feel perfectly fine feeding in public and have fed her everywhere

but im a little worried about xmas esp since ive started to get these comments

anyone else feel this way ?
any tips for me to feel more confident or quick witty comebacks ?

OP posts:
pregnantbabyelephant · 26/11/2007 17:35

just me then

OP posts:
moocowme · 26/11/2007 17:40

just tell them dd prefers a proper christmas dinner of a high standard and not that take away rubish.

LaBonnePetiteSouris · 26/11/2007 17:40

I have a 6 month old too and have suffered endless 'when are you going to feed that baby?' questions from family. Quite apart from the fact that I am feeding her, it's none of their business.

My parents are absolutely supportive but it's the ILs' on boxing day that worries me, especially with all of the elderly relatives descending. Many of them chip in with 'she wants sugar in her bottle she does' (what bottle?) and 'have you tried her on a bit of suet pudding?' (eh what?) etc etc. And 'in my day...' They do like to comment.

I'm just going to smile benignly and carry on as usual. I'm doing what's best for my child and after months of seething I've become very calm about the entire situation. They find that harder to deal with than reasoned argument usually.

lemonaid · 26/11/2007 17:44

"When are you going to stop feeding her?"
[give appraising look at baby] "Oh, in about five minutes, I expect. She's probably quite full now."

NAB3littlemonkeys · 26/11/2007 17:45

I cna't believe people still do this to feeding mothers. If they don't like it, don't look!!!!

gigglewitch · 26/11/2007 17:45

would you believe i got more grief for the last two xmases off my mum than anyone else - in fact none off anyone else. All mums in the family have b/fed, and i am discreet enough (baby no 3 as well...) and thought if it was ok with me just sitting on the far end of the sofa minding ma own, nobody would stress. my dear mother decided that i should go upstairs - not for my benefit but allegedly for everyone elses, so two years ago i declined the invitation to go to their house on xmas day, as baby was three weeks old, feeding for ages at a time and i thought that was no way to spend my time, with dh and DS1&2 downstairs.
it took cousin's DH (would you believe?) to say that nobody would see and wondered why she was so concerned about it. the invitation was eventually accepted and it was all fine.

lemonaid · 26/11/2007 17:45

There's quite a good page about this at kellymom.

pregnantbabyelephant · 26/11/2007 17:46

guess i could jusy say oh maybe when she leaves home lol

OP posts:
pregnantbabyelephant · 26/11/2007 17:48

thanks lemonaid off to read it now

OP posts:
bananaknickers · 26/11/2007 17:48

Just take yourself off somewhere quiet and do it. I did and used the excuse that there was too much going on for DD to feed.Ignore their comments too.

gigglewitch · 26/11/2007 17:51

and i was going to add, when i was still feeding DD last xmas (12mo) i was really getting disapproval
As it is my mum's embarrassment (why??)that was the root of it, i just resort to saying we won't go there if it would cause her a problem, thus neither will my DH or three children. Once the deal is made clear, she hastily withdraws her objections. It still baffles me though. I bf my first two till past 10mo and DD for 17mo, and am proud of it.
too at people who should know better than complain.

natalie77410 · 26/11/2007 17:51

Ive only been breast feeding for 3 weeks and Ive already had loads of sarcastic comments. My attitude is "breast is best, and for as long as possible, and if people dont like it, they can sod off." They are just jealous! Your comments have humoured me and given me some ammunition to fire at nasty people. Thanks!!

bobsmum · 26/11/2007 17:51

A few of my family members were similar when I had my first.

I found it was better in the long run to resist being sarky (hard I know!) and try to educate them a little instead.

So when people were surprised that I was still giving ds a feed at his first brithday party. I laughed along with them saying something like:

"Yeah, I would never have believed I would be feeding him like this, but I've read up on all the benefits. There's loads of research nowadays...etc.etc" and then go on about benefits to the baby's immune system and my reduction in the chances of me getting ovarian cancer/breast cancer/osteoporosis/arthritis.

If you say all this with a big smile on your face and act as if you've just found it all out yourself for the first time, then it comes across as non confrontational.

My mum has since done a big turnaround and is really supportive. My gran ended up saying things like, "well I suppose it's natural" which was good enough for me

It'll be fine - just smile and look laid back and confident. How do you think Mary fed baby Jesus on Christmas day anyway?

gigglewitch · 26/11/2007 17:54

at the last line bobsmum

Tapster · 26/11/2007 17:54

I was going to post something similar my DD has just turned one and I even had my Dad ranting on the phone on Sunday (he lives abroad) saying I should stop feeding now.

I think an important issue is that long term breastfeeders make their mothers, MILS, and other female relatives question how long they fed their own babies. By us BFing for longer they often take it as implying that they gave up too early. Its their issues not ours.

I sometimes find it a good excuse to escape DH's family to feed in another room murmering DD just can't concentrate otherwise. Feeding can take so long as I read a magazine or read a book to DD

lemonaid · 26/11/2007 18:02

Some of the snappy comebacks linked to from Kellymom...

Responses to "Are you still breastfeeding?"

"Of course! Nothing but the best for your grandson!" (or nephew or whatever)

"Yes, isn't it amazing? I am so glad he's not in a hurry to grow up"

"Yes, it's really been a life-saver, it is the only liquid he'll drink when he's not feeling well"

"Absolutely, isn't love a wonderful thing?"

"Right now? No, he's over there playing. I need him to do it"

"Yes, the doctor is so pleased So many mothers give up due to pressures of friends and family" (hint hint)

"Yes, and he's a real pro at it. I am so proud of him"

"Everyone asks that, it must be because he's so incredibly healthy" (not really answering, but it gets the point across that you aren't planning on answering)

"I get that question all the time. It is so great that people are looking out for him!" (again, not answering)

"Yes, he deserves the very best. He's such a good baby."

(for someone who continuously asks) "It is funny how people ask that, but then they don't really want to know"

(for someone who continuously asks) "Of course, I am glad you keep asking. It shows you want the best for him"

(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "do you really want to know this time? You didn't seem satisfied with my answer last time."

"Of course, I wouldn't dare ask someone else to do it for me!"

"What do you mean STILL? The bare minimum is two years!"

"Obviously. ..Are you STILL afraid of seeing a breast?" (a good one for someone looking at you nursing with a disgusted look on their face)

"Yep! The equipment is still in operation."

"Yep! He's still my child, isn't he?"

"Of course! He still needs his mummy!"

"Absolutely! It's a great way for both of us to take a break!"

Responses to "When are you planning on weaning?"

"I'm not. He'll wean me."

"Before he graduates"

"He hasn't told me yet."

"I haven't asked him yet. He doesn't really make plans for the future at this point. He just does things day to day"

"I don't know, I guess when my milk dries up" (confuse a person who has no clue about breastfeeding)

"I hope not for a while. We're both enjoying our time together"

"I don't know, when the puppies weaned, they were taken away from their mother. It doesn't seem like such a great thing to me"

(sometimes they ask, "when will you start giving him cow's milk?") "Not sure, maybe if he starts thinking he is a calf"

"What, and get my PMT back? are you crazy?"

"I don't know. He seems to still enjoy it and I enjoy those extra 500 calories I burn"

"It is so hard to plan anything with a baby. We're just doing things day to day."

"We're in no rush, he has time to make up his own mind"

"Thanks for asking. Everyone seems to need an answer for that except for me and my child."

(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "It depends, when are you planning on asking me again?"

Responses to "Isn't he a little old for that?"

(while nursing) "Apparently not, the equipment still works for him."

(surprised) "What?! He isn't even out of nappies!"

"I used to think like you, but then I nursed a baby for the first time and all the rules changed."

"His doctor didn't think so."

"Aren't you a little old to be wearing those jeans?"

"Nope, he's only three, that's not very old considering he'll live to be 100 or so."

"Obviously he isn't."

"If I thought that way, would I still do it?"

"No, I don't think he is, do you?" (if they say "yes" then answer, "well, then, you already had your answer didn't you")

bobsmum · 26/11/2007 18:10

oooh - lemonaid - they are good

Philomytha · 26/11/2007 18:10

I'm a little worried about bfing my 2-year-old when we visit my parents. My ILs are fine and love that he's being breastfed, and none of my friends know anything about children and assume that what I'm doing is normal (grin) but my parents have been doing the 'are you STILL...' business for a while. So far I've got through on just smiling and saying 'yes' in answer. It does make me feel uncomfortable but I don't want it to turn into a battleground esp when my parents have been very good to us in other ways. I'm just hoping they'll get used to it.

pregnantbabyelephant · 26/11/2007 18:24

lemonaid you totally rock
this is sooooooooo helpful to me

OP posts:
lemonaid · 26/11/2007 18:35

Everyone's always been very supportive, so I've never had a chance to use any of these myself . Glad to know they'll be put to good use...

I strongly suspect my mother thinks I'm a little barmy to be still bf DS now he's nearly three (especially being pregnant) but she's never said anything. Mind you, it's cut right down now. I keep thinking he may be about to self-wean, but no...

Tapster · 26/11/2007 19:32

I need to memorise a few or maybe all of them for the Xmas period. My best one (my DD who is highly allergic and I take antihistimes for my own allergies so she is getting some too via the milk)

"yes its the only way I know she won't have an anaphlyactic shock when family and friends give her a chocolate button/biscuit/cake"

That tends to shut them up but a bit case specific.

moondog · 26/11/2007 19:34

Pregnant,hope these comments have shored up your confidence.
Ignore them. They are either ignorant or jealous.Probably both.

Habbibu · 26/11/2007 19:49

How about - "when I'm a size - so much better than SlimFast"

DollyPopsOut · 26/11/2007 20:04

PMSL at "aren't you a little old for those jeans"! Am expressing at work and have fought off numerous comments about DD2 STILL needing milk. She's 8 months FGS.

I would love to come back with a quick retort but never have quite found one in time. I tend to say something like, "you know, I didn't think before I had DD that I would feed past 6 months either - it's strange how my views have changed once the baby's here". I suppose that makes it clear that it's not up for discussion.

Well done you - keep up the good work.

DollyPopsOut · 26/11/2007 20:04

PMSL at "aren't you a little old for those jeans"! Am expressing at work and have fought off numerous comments about DD2 STILL needing milk. She's 8 months FGS.

I would love to come back with a quick retort but never have quite found one in time. I tend to say something like, "you know, I didn't think before I had DD that I would feed past 6 months either - it's strange how my views have changed once the baby's here". I suppose that makes it clear that it's not up for discussion.

Well done you - keep up the good work.