FF at a Breastfeeding Support Group

[BabiesEverywhere]

Looking for opinions.

Would it be reasonable to have a couple of FF feeding mums (very nice ladies) at a Breastfeeding support group ?

Would your opinion change if you knew they started to breastfeed and swapped to FF ?

Do you think they would be supportive and give helpful advice to the other new mums or would the fact they swapped to formula lower the rate of other mums trying to establish breastfeeding ?

Thanks

I stopped Bf-ing for multiple reasons...I kept going to the group for social reasons primarily, because we had all bonded a bit and it didn't seem to matter who was feeding their baby which way. Of course I continued to be supportive of BF-ing mums - I had been one myself, if only for a short while! I think the divide between FF and Bf mothers is artificial and ridiculous. I can see that if you're BF-ing it's important to have support and a bit of camaraderie, really, with other Bf-ing mothers, but I can't see how you would run a BF-ing group where women were automatically excluded once they stopped. Seems unworkable and a bit odd...?

LA, do you know how your bf support group was funded? Was there a health professional there?

It's a Breastfeeding support group: ergo, if you're not breastfeeding, it isn't the place to be, is it? I don't think it's being unfriendly and uninclusive to state somewhere that it's for breastfeeding mothers and not those who are exclusively formula feeding (whilst they may need a different kind of support, the two don;t really overlap IMO).

Sorry that was to the OP, just to be clear.
Personally I do think a bf group is there as a particular environment where only that way of feeding is discussed/supported, without outside influence iyswim.
I guess I had misunderstood what it is, perhaps?

Ok, Prunie, so what happens if you have, say, 12 women at a BF-ing group who make friends, and then , say, 3 of them stop Bf-ing in the first month or two, another stops after 3 months, another after 5 months etc etc...? Are they supposed to stop going the day they stop Bf-ing? Because in reality, Bf-ing was on the agenda for about...oooh...3 minutes at the BF-ing group I went to. It was a mum and baby group, really, where a BF-ing counsellor could be on hand if needed and women could BF freely and happily, have a chit chat about any worries or issues related to BF-ing....and then spend the next hour or so talking about other things over a cuppa.

(Obviously if you've got no interest in or intention of BF-ing at all it wouldn't be appropriate).

hunk - it was in the local health centre so I'm assuming it was a public health-type initiative, maybe run by the council or PCT? Not sure...

I made lots of new friends when ds was born, really there is no need to go to a group to meet up with people. Especially a breastfeeding group if you are not breastfeeding. Just because the Group is there to provide bfing support doesn't mean that is the only topic of conversation.

Ok, well I've given my opinion. There you go

LAG you can still meet up with the people you've made friends with though can't you? It doesn't have to be only in that one particular setting?

I made 2 of my best mum friends at our group and we went 'underground' together and continued to bf and meet up at Pizza Hut and all over the place really. Best support group I ever had in fact!

Look, I don't know. My impression of bf groups is that they are there to provide an environment where bf-ing is the norm, to talk about it, to air grievances, find solutions to problems etc. I might be totally wrong in that. OTOH what is the point of a breastfeeding group if most of the women are formula feeding? I don't see why that isn't just a mother and baby group. Personally, yes, I would leave the group once I'd stopped breastfeeding, but that's just me.

well, the bfing support group i went to was very clear that if you were knocking your pan in to bf or mix feed or if you had knocked your pan in to bf and it hadn't worked out, you were completely and wholeheartedly welcome.

in actual fact, it was fairly apparent that it wasn't appropriate to go there and watch other women struggle with their latch etc while i was pulling out a bottle (mortified to do so, i might add) so of course i stopped attending. can't think how much more mortified i'd have been if they hadn't been so explicit about how welcome i was to keep attending, however.

BE, what about suggesting that Dec babies/Jan babies etc social groups are formed so that funding and resources can be directed towards bfing women needing help, if that's the issue?

I went to a bf support group with my dd1, it was whilst I was there that I realised that I was going to stop b'feeding, and whilst I had been bottlefeeding ebm, I was struggling to keep up expressing. The lady that ran the group did say that I could continue coming, even if I was formula feeding, but TBH I think I would have felt even more crap to sit there feeling like a failure!

It does sound as though the problem is more that the woman running your particular group is a moron.

It would be simple to continue to meet - but just not in a place funded, allocated for and run by an HCP for breastfeeding.

Nothing to stop you all meeting for coffee - in say - a coffee shop, or a softplay place, or go to baby massage group or something instead.

Sorry I also wanted to say that at the time of going I was a new mum, feeling like 10 tons of crap and having a very hard time trying to feed, there were a couple of other mums there like me, but the majority of the group were mums whose babies were quite old and who all seemed to be pretty confident b'feeders, and all knew each other. I didn't think it was the best mix really, because the new mums just felt a bit intimidated.

pmsl hazeyjane
right then be, we are going to have to sort out this group and descend en masse til she gets used to the idea of people bf til past 6 months etc.
re ff, it depends on whether the group is just becoming a social mum/baby group where ff is the norm and women who come with bf probs are going to feel uncomfortable. obv that would be 'bad'. but certainly mums who are ff but bf in the past or want to bf in the future etc should also feel welcome.
honestly , she sounds such a numpty, i'm dying to meet her - when is this group held??

This problem has been going on for a long time. When I was a new mum 13 years ago, the local surgery ran a "breastfeeding group" but it turned into a postnatal group because no one liked to turn away any new mum just because she was ff.

This is a really tricky one I think. My local groups numbers are seriously dire. Therefore, anyone who's willing to talk breastfeeding would be more than welcome lol! There have been a couple of mums who have continued to come along when they have stopped feeding. I think that their input was worthwhile as they had breastfed for a while (5 months +) and had overcome some problems that they could help others through. They were more than welcome too.

However, if numbers were good anyway, I wouldn't expect FFs to attend TBH, regardless of whether or not their friends go. The support people need could then be given by people who were still BF.

The other factor I think is why the FF switched... the ladies that came to our group switched over out of no realistic choice of their own (both work issues) and felt quite strongly about breastfeeding.

Ours is run by our local HVs/MWs and peer supporters are there too (not all still bf btw) and it's funding would vanish if there were no breastfeeders to support, which sadly is looking quite possible.

Sorry - also think that antenatal non feeders should be welcome. I believe that if women go along antenatally, they're more likely to attend once their baby arrives.

oops hazey jane, obv was laughing at the 'moron' comment, not at your bf experiences

The problem comes when it's not made explicit at the outset, I think.

Of course it's not appropriate to go up to an unsuspected mother who's just stopped bf for all sorts of upsetting reasons and say "You're not welcome here now, begone!" but it's perfectly appropriate to say at the outset "This is a group for breastfeeding support, we are specifically funded to provide such" - isn't it?

Agree re antenatal, btw - v important (blogged about similar today ).

Love the blog

to what end, hunker? to make it clear that they will not be welcome if they're not bfing any more? or that they would?

Oh, fuck, it's hard, isn't it? I would HATE anybody to feel isolated once they'd made the decision to stop bfing, truly I would. But the effectiveness of these groups does depend on the group dynamic and BE's "bf support" group is anything but, because the HCP is massively in favour of ffing and seems to think that bf is an odd, almost distasteful thing to do.

I guess I don't know, Aitch - I suppose, maybe ideally, a bf support group would be run in such a way that there was a general mother and baby group running at a similar time and the two could overlap?

But it is HARD to get funding for bf support groups, really, really hard. It's hard to get hours for HCPs to come to them, it's hard to get the space in health centres for them, regularly - and then, when they've been done in a half-arsed fashion with only irregular slots and they've folded through lack of interest, funding is even less forthcoming the next time.

So I realise I come to this whole scenario from a different place, but I really am not unsympathetic to ffing mums who find themselves wanting to see friends they've made, feeling shite about stopping bf and feeling isolated from the bf support group they want to be able to attend. I think if women DO go "hmm, maybe this isn't the place for me" even though they're told it's fine for them to be there, that's probably ideal, but many, many women won't be as sensitive as you and if the balance of a bf group changes so that there are more ffers there, that's where you might get funding issues and then nobody gets any help.

yes, but hazeyjane's assessment of BE's HP is spot-on and it's well nigh impossible to legisate for morons. i'm sure if the HP was any good then a discreet word about funding with a few of the ffers would set up an alternative social grouping. but the problem is that she's a weirdo.

QUOTE Oh, fuck, it's hard, isn't it? UNQUOTE
I am glad to hear that you said that. As I am no closer in trying to figure out if these FF ladies help or hinder the group. I suspect it is the HCA poor attitude to breastfeeding which keeps them in the group.

If the group was actively promoting breastfeeding, I suspect these ladies would wander to one of the other local parenting groups but as they are praised weekly about their feeding choices and how they don't look tired and their babies are doing so well on formula from the HCA. They come back weekly for more praise and understandable as people love to be valued.

In a perfect world all women would have all the information and support to enable them to happily feed their child without guilt, pressure or critism in whichever way the mother chooses.

Until then it is important that fledgling breastfeeding mothers are sheltered from the idiots and supported by other breastfeeding mothers, until they are confident with their informed choices for feeding their children.