Demand feeding dilemmas...

[MrsMar]

Hello everyone, could I get a little advice please. My 10 week old ds is bfing really well, and I've got him in to a pretty good routine, feeding at around 9am, 1pm, 4pm, 8pm, 11pm and 5am, however in order to keep that routine I quite often have to wake him, especially in the night. If I didn't wake him for his 5am feed, I'm not sure if he'd go through to around 9am and then the whole routine would go out the window. I'm not a rigid routine person, that's kind of the routine he settled in to a few weeks ago, but I'm wondering if now he's older he can go longer between feeds, but I'll never know if I don't break his routine. Should I go back to complete demand feeding ie letting him wake up for a feed rather than me waking him?

Yes. The routine is for your benefit, not his (don't mean that in a nasty way) and there is no sense in waking up a baby to feed if he's not asking for it. You may have to rethink your routine entirely but hey, that's babies for you

I'm not an expert but he does seem to be going for quite a long time between feeds anyway - I'm not sure that he'd necessarily go longer at this stage (might be talking out of my arse though. Also I think that there's a growth spurt at around 12 weeks so it might be worth leaving things until after then.

I agree though that I wouldn't wake him for a feed though, but he may need them more frequently at other times, ifyswim.

That's what I was thinking nineunlikelytales... perhaps he's ready for a new routine. I must admit I was a bit paranoid cos a) he lost a lot of weight in the first few weeks of life and I was quite paranoid about leaving him too long and b) a hv said to me that I must wake him a maximum of four hours after the last feed as new babies won't necessarily wake up if they're hungry, they'll just get more hungry. But I guess that's very new borns, by ten weeks they must be able to wake themselves up when hungry surely?

What made me think is that many of the babies in my antenatal group can go up to 10 hours through the night, and they're all about the same age as my ds. I know all babies are different, but perhaps I'm feeding him a bit too often. Mind you, when I do wake him for a feed he's still hungry enough, it's not like he turns it down, but then maybe he's just a greedy beggar

Will his weight gain go down if I let him dictate feeds? Cos he lost so much initially I've been really proud each week when he's gained an average of 10oz. He's slowly creeping back up to the 50th centile he was born on. Will I interrupt that weight gain? So many questions, so little time

Thanks for your reply Jacanne... surely not another growth spurt? He's just come through his last one when he was feeding every 2 hours for a few days! What I'm worried is that if I start letting him guide me on feeding he'll be all over the place. Lots of the problem is that I do feel I should be a bit more together, and I think that I get a lot of disproval from my family when I can't tell them what time I'll be able to have lunch for example. I know I should tell them to mind their own business, I do feel a failure cos I'm still all over the place at 10 weeks, ds has no regular bedtime as it is, I'm worried that if he has no regular feed times too I'll take giant steps backwards.

Don't feel a failure - 10 weeks is still sooo early - I was all over the place for far longer than that - I think dd1 didn't start spacing her feeds to 3/4 hourly until she was about 14 weeks. For a lot longer than that she was cluster feeding all evening and basically going to bed when we did, she didn't have set mealtimes at all. Sounds like you're doing very well to me

Aw thanks! He does feed really well so I'm sure that's why he's going so long, in the evening I'm giving him a 3-4oz top up of ebm after he's had about 50 mins on the breast, so I'm sure that's why he's going so long overnight. Last night he slept from half past midnight to 6am which is the longest so far. That's another thing that got me thinking, cos normally he'd have a feed around 4-5am, but obviously he was ok without it, and I actually woke him at 6am because I wanted to give him another feed around 10am so I'd be able to for lunch at 1am.

oops sorry, I meant go for lunch at 1pm not am, that would be a wierd lunch!!!

Hmmm I'm still struggling with this one... He's still asleep, last fed at 2pm. It's now 7pm. Should I wake or let him sleep? (He's been asleep since 4pm) I know what my mum would say.... What do you reckon?

I don't know - it's a hard one. I know that with very young babies you shouldn't automatically assume that because they're sleeping they are full and that in some cases they are sleeping because they're conserving energy.

He's not likely to sleep through is he, if he wakes naturally in a hour or so you could feed him then? If you think he is going to sleep through longer than that then I personally would wake him to feed because it seems too long to me. Hopefully Hunkermunker or Tiktok will be on soon to give you some better advice.

I'd personally wake him but I'm horrid mummy .

Sorry, just re-reading that and the first bit seems ominous - I should have said "newborns" rather than "very young babies".

sorry for delay in replying, guess what? he woke of course... at about 7.15 so that's about 5 hours since his last feed, which isn't so bad I guess. He's had a really good feed, and normally I'd feed him again around 11pm, but if he's not ready til midnight or whatever I'll wait, but I'm not sure I'll wait much beyond 1am. Thanks for all the replies, any further advice/ideas/experiences greatly welcomed!