12 month old breastfeeding addict. Help!

[Amber921]

Hey, I need some help!

Sorry if this is long...

I have been breastfeeding my daughter since birth-she is now nearly 13 months. She has always been a massive feeder/comfort suckler and has always fed to sleep.

Her sleep has also always been so bad and I am still having to feed her back to sleep several times in the evening. We co-sleep because the sleep deprivation got so bad that I ended up just holding her to sleep every night as it was the only way she would stay asleep.

Here is my problem. I don't mind still feeding her but the sheer amount she feeds is exhausting. It also means my husband can't help get her to sleep or comfort her at all as breastfeeding is the only thing that works.

My main issue is that my period still hasn't returned and I imagine that the amount I am feeding her is probably the reason and I am so worried it won't won't back until I stop. I don't know how to stop or even cut down. We really want to ttc number two fairly soon. It took us a long time to conceive our daughter and I know we are so lucky to have her but we would love her to have a sibling soon, plus if it takes as long to conceive again I want to start trying ASAP. But no chance of that happening because I just don't know how to get my periods back
I have tried offering her milk from a cup or bottle and sometimes she accepts in the day but at night she becomes hysterical/won't sleep if I try and get her to sleep any other way. She also feeds to sleep for all her naps. I feel trapped that I can't change it and it's really getting me down and i just don't know what to do.

Just wondered if anyone has been through similar?
Thanks in advance

It does sound like it's the act of sucking that is comforting for her, perhaps more than the milk itself. Could you try letting her suck on your finger instead? Or even let her try a dummy at night? I appreciate many parents prefer to avoid those though. I've never used a dummy personally, but if you're anxious about the amount of nighttime feeds, could it be an option?

Alternatively could you look up some authors on gentle sleep training? I've seen other posters talk highly of some of the books etc.

P. S. How many times per night does this happen? If it makes you feel any better, my daughter was like this until 2, although it was only a couple of times a night. My periods returned anyway at 13 months x

I am in the exact situation (except got period back at 8mo) so following with interest.

Cosleeping is doing us all in. Except baby, who has a brilliant time.

P. P. S. As your baby will be well established with solids now, the amount of milk she has generally will naturally decrease and this is another thing which will influence the return of your periods. I expect it will happen soon.

I had this with mine and I never found a nighttime solution unfortunately. I ended up tackling the daytime naps first by reverting to taking her out for long walks in the pram to get her to sleep. After about a month of that she seemed to forget that daytime feeding was an option and I was able to get her to sleep at home without bf. But I tried loads of different things at nighttime and nothing ever worked! In the end she self weaned at 16mo, I've no idea why, she just decided one day she'd had enough.

Also just to say the relationship between periods returning and fertility returning isn't that clear cut, your periods could return to normal but the hormonal changes due to breastfeeding could still prevent you from conceiving. Equally you could conceive without your periods returning.

Thanks so much

Sorry for the delayed reply.

I have tried a dummy loads of times but she is absolutely not impressed-just throws it or occasionally chews it a bit and then throws it. It is definitely sucking that comforts her and nothing else gets her to sleep. She doesn't sleep in the buggy or car and she just gets cross if I try and rock her or anything like that.

It happens so much at night. She still wakes up every hour or hour and a half throughout the evening and only sleeps for a few hours once we come to bed. So I am up feeding her back to sleep constantly in the evenings. Then at night she often wants to just be on me sucking. It's too much and at this point I thought it would be a lot better but it isn't changing at all. I really don't know what to do. I am really hoping she does just one day decide she has had enough but I can't see it happening any time soon.

I feel so trapped by it. It's like she just cannot sleep without it and it wouldn't be an issue if I could just feed her to sleep and she would stay asleep...even for a few hours but she wants to literally be on me feeding the whole time she is asleep. Just wish I knew how to get her to sleep another way or how to help her stay asleep longer.

Does she spend all day every day with you?
I’ve also got a 12/13 month old BF sort of addict.

Since I have got her to be with grandparents/daddy/ my sister etc without me for a few times , she’s been less obsessed with feeding during day. Although still does it at night.

During night if she wakes, (she is in cot) I feed her back to sleep. I will manage 30 mins of this… then it gets too much, too uncomfortable for me! She won’t be cuddled to sleep by me as she only wants the breast. DH will take over at this point and she does eventually calm down and sleep.

It’s so hard isn’t it! I had a trial day with childminder recently as I’m back to work Sept. she went to sleep fine in the pushchair!!

Mine was 18 months when I stopped feeding between 11pm and 4am. Once you stop the high frequency of night feeds your period should return. Mine did when we went to two day feeds and one night feeds around months. My period returned at 19 months and I got pregnant ay 21 months. He still breastfed during the day if I'm not at work and continued until I was 7 months pregnant and stopped saying the milk was finished (milk probably temporarily dried up).

With my second we stopped night feeds around 16 months by getting him to sleep with my husband as I had to go away for work on a Monday and back on Friday.
Dr Sears has articles on nightweaning and I sort of adapted it to suit us.

Currently feeding my 4 week old and I'm trying to remind myself to avoid feeding in bed.

Hope you get some sleep soon, I almost crashed into another car from lack of sleep. Take care.

No real advice OP, just sympathy. DC2 is a 13 mo bf addict! He's at nursery so not bf during the day any more, but like yours he wakes up a lot during the evening wanting boob. He's better when we go to bed though. I would quite like to stop bf altogether but he's not having any of it.

Have you spoken to a Lactation Consultant or a La Leche League leader? I've often found concrete face-to-face support to be invaluable for questions like this x

Thanks so much for your replies everyone!
I don't know anyone else who breastfeeds so it helps to hear other people have experienced similar!

I would love to try and night wean or at least cut it down a lot but when she wakes so often and it is the only thing that gets her back to sleep it is impossible. If DH goes up to settle her she becomes hysterical. It's so tricky.

Yeah, she does spend all day everyday with me @Flippyflops2021. My husband is in the military so away a fair amount. He has recently come home from being away away 5 months so DD is very clingy with me and cries if I try and leave her with him. We don't live near any family at the moment so she hasn't ever spent any proper time away from me really. We are moving close to my family at the beginning of next year so it might help then if she starts spending more time with relatives and away from me-quite a while to carry on like this though!

No, I've not spoken to a lactation consultant or anything like that. Might be worth a try, thank you

If I wasn't concerned about my fertility returning i probably wouldn't worry as much...although I would love my evenings back without having to be up and down feeding constantly. It is exhausting.

Thanks for your advice everyone.

Hi, just seen your post. I had similar to you!
What we was slowly try to increase the space between feeds so that DD was used to going longer between feeds, and also tried to get at least some sleeps where she hadn't fed to sleep. We started with the easier ones eg during the day. I needed DH to help because smelling milk on me didn't help. I realise this is trickier for you! It did take a long time but she slept through the night at 17 months and is a good sleeper now

I didn't fully stop until DC was almost 3 but night weaned at about 10/11 months where the feeding to sleep during the night got too much for me. The key really was DH having to shoulder the burden for settling DC at night with me sleeping in another room (but coming in intermittently to soothe but not feed) and after a week of broken sleep for us all it worked.

It's a shame that you don't know anyone in real life to ask, my local peer-run bf support group was my go to for this sort of thing and was the only place that I ever had the opportunity to meet anyone else who breastfed beyond a few weeks/months.

Toddler boob addiction is normal but perhaps night weaning would be the answer if it's the nights that are the problem. I don't know your personal circumstances but I knew of many women who were able to conceive while bfing, myself included, so it is possible without fully weaning.

I have an 18 mo bf addict too but found that since he started nursery and I stopped bf during the day & only let him have it at night / breakfast he has slept much better. He’s still drinking the same amount of milk as before but I think the larger quantities in one go are knocking him out much better.

Another factor to consider is that she doesn’t want bf but actually wants water. DS only wakes up once or twice for a bf now but if it’s more than that he’s usually thirsty. Try keeping her beaker next to you so you can offer her some

@Amber921 how did you get on with this? My 12m old sounds just like this! I want to wean in the next couple of months but no idea how xx