PND or breastfeeding grief/traumatic birth?

[PumpingPauper]

I'm crying this morning because I can make enough milk for my baby through a typical day. I have a enough usually for the night feeds, most mornings and part of the afternoons. The late afternoons/evenings I just don't have enough, please don't ask me to explain why I think this, I'm getting sick of explaining it to everyone on all the different forums I'm going on for advice. Nothing you can suggest will help drive up supply, I've tried it.

So am I depressed? It's really the only thing that makes me so upset. My baby fills me with joy. This issue is consuming me. Or is it just hormones?

Anyone?

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with supply. I've had a traumatic birth and my baby needed a surgery after (unrelated issue that wasn't known until after delivery). I never produced enough milk for little one. I've tried expressing/ pumping whilst she was in hospital, tried all sorts of miracle cures/herbs/god knows what else to try and boost the supply but they haven't worked. I've never gone past getting 25ml. I have given up with breastfeeding. She is fed, she is happy and I've done as much as I could have done to try and breastfeed her. She got my colostrum and some antibodies from the expressed milk. I am gutted that I couldn't breastfeed her like I envisioned, but I can't do anything about it. She is fed and happy which is the most important part.
I know it's easier said than done but try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you are doing the best you can xxx

@SoonToBeMrs91 thank you ❤️ So sorry to hear of your experiences is your LO better now? How old is she?
Yes being fed and happy is the main thing but I don't know how to get past this feeling.

Ah mate. It’s nothing to be sad about. I breast fed my now 8yo and she was nothing but breastfed. I combination fed my now 6yo because I had a huge PPH after the birth and was in intensive care. I’ve felt good and bad about both things over the years. It is what it is. They’re healthy (touch wood) happy and lovely kids. This feels worse now because it’s all so raw. Seek out some help through counselling if you can and feel you need it.

She's gonna need few more surgeries over time but she's doing great. Looking at her you couldn't guess there's anything wrong. She's almost 5 weeks now.
I get it with feeling guilty, the amount of breakdowns I've had (and still have, especially when she tries going for breast) is crazy. But you need to pick your battles, and that one is not worth it. There are things you can change, and some you can't. It's not gonna help you or your little one if you get upset over breastfeeding all the time.

Oh bless her and you! A very tough 5 weeks, crazy tough
Yes you're right it is a choosable battle. It must be my hormones driving things. The rejection of the breast just tears me up, sometimes she doesn't even bother to try before she melts down

@BillyShears thank you xx

I feel exactly the same. I just can’t get enough, I’ve tried everything and still nothing. I’m pumping about 5ml each time and my 5wk old drinks 700ml formula a day. I try the breast before every feed and they go on it for about 10mins before frustration sets in. I don’t know what else to do. I just want to be able to feed them, but I’m not ever going to be able to produce enough or stop the formula, it’s a vicious circle. I know part of it is still hormones, but I cry about it every day.

I don’t why there isn’t more research into why some breast tissue behaves differently to others, purely from a biological perspective it’s pretty fascinating that nobody seems to give a shit.

I promise you you won’t always feel like this about it, it is temporary, there’ll be a time when it’s a distant memory and either you EBF again as they get older and go on solids or you combi/switch over permanently. But be sure it’ll end.

You’re not failing at anything though making a human is incredible, also formula is fine; I eat dairy, do you? I mean I could get calcium from leafy greens but cheese and yoghurt are just so damn good.

I had ptsd, PND and severe PNA after my first due to breastfeeding going horribly wrong. After about 10 months I went the GP and had therapy which helped enormously. So if you’re feeling awful about it, go the the GP sooner rather than later for help. Time has also been a big healer. There’s nothing quite like seeing the incredible human your child is becoming ❤️

I’m exclusively pumping for my second - you’ve said you’re not getting enough, are you exclusively pumping too, or are you directly feeding? Some women don’t respond well to a breast pump so what you get with that isn’t an indicator of what baby is getting if you are directly feeding. There are also things you can try to make the pump more efficient - using a hospital grade pump, play around with pump settings as the default may not be most effective for you, ensure you have the correct flange size, lube the flange tunnel before pumping, breast compressions and heat while pumping, hand expressing etc (my apologies if you already know and do all this)

@Grognonne it's horrible isn't it. I'm finding it's clouding everything but we must be strong and not let it.

@FTEngineerM thank you so much xxx

@FlappityFlippers1 no just BF trying to pump when I can which is rare as baby wants holding all of the time.

I really feel for you it’s so hard

Is baby 5 weeks old? Is baby really unsettled and crying in the late afternoon / evening?

Is it happening every night at roughly the same time?

Without some more info it's hard to know how to help, but if baby is otherwise growing well and just being awful in the evening it's likely a witching hour(s).

Both mine did this, between 3 weeks and 3 months, they'd scream the house down every evening between 7-9pm. It was like clockwork. They'd cluster feed loads and just be really hard work. It's totally normal newborn behaviour though. It isn't an indication of low supply (nor by the way is not pumping much)

I found it was easier when I knew it was coming and I knew what it was. I'd make sure I'd eat before hand and then set up with water, snacks and a box set and just feed through it.

Being a new mum is so hard sometimes. But phases pass and it does get better.

@Twizbe it's not cluster feeding, she won't even feed! Xx

[quote PumpingPauper]@Twizbe it's not cluster feeding, she won't even feed! Xx[/quote]
Could still be witching. My son had to be rocked and bounced through his hours. Daughter fed through it.

A great book I had is called your baby week by week which helps loads with these early weeks and months