HV recommended cold turkey weaning for my 12 month old

[Tapster]

DD just turned one and part of me wants to wean her now another part can't bear the thought of stopping BFing. DH and allergy consultant both putting pressure on me to wean. HV suggested cold turkey, leaving her with DH over a weekend and going out for 12 hours each day. Is this cruel? I have a feeling cold turkey may be the only way.

DD still feeds 4 times a day, morning, night and before 2 haps. I thought of weaning her gradually and have tried with cows milk to no avail for the last 2 weeks, one sip each time she sees the cup. She loves BFing and always has. Eats little solids and has only put on 1lb in 4 months.

Shall I go cold turkey probably post Christmas or try and wean gradually if so how?

Tapster, this is advice that I think might leave you very uncomfortable....sudden cessation even at this stage from 4 feeds to zero is not usually thought to be a good idea.

It is better, and far more physiological, to wind down gradually over a period of weeks.

The other aspect of it - the sudden withdrawal of an important part of your relationship - is also worth thinking about first. To go away - removing you and breastfeeding at the same time - for 12 hours x 2, is not necessary and could leave a one-year-old very upset. She is too young to have language enough to understand, or to 'compromise' with you, as women do with older toddlers.

I don't understand what the allergy consultant's concerns would be. Truly baffled on this one.

Do you really think your dd would somehow take to cows milk in a cup, just because she is not having breastmilk? I doubt it....you might find her nutrition worsens after breastfeeding stops, but presumably your DH and the allergist are ok with that, and assume she will pick up (as she probably will). Either way, where's the rush to do it all, now, at once?

If you feel now is the time to stop (and I am still not sure why - you seem very sad about it ) , then work out a plan to drop one feed a week or so, so in a month or thereabouts she is fully weaned off the breast.

There are, however, sound nutritional and emotional reasons for not doing anything yet!

Hope this helps

when I say 'this is advice' I mean the advice your HV is giving you.

Agree with Tiktok (invariably).
Why do something so mean to a baby?
Shame on your HV>

oh lordy

cold turkey sounds awful

FWIW, my FF DD was a slow feeder, little and often , slow weight gain... i didn;t take her to be weighed for 4 months, on HVs advice, and i was raving about how well she had been doing, drinking her milk, having some food.. she had gained 1/2 a pound

perfectly happy, healthy, but petite child..

if she loves breastfeeding and you don;t want to stop, i;d want a damn good reason to stop..

if she is not great at eating, and likes breastfeeding, common sense would dictate carrying on with what she likes !

why would allergy consutlant want you to wean? surely more breastfeeding is better for a potentially allergic baby?

If you want to wean gradually perhaps the first thing to do would be to remove if from the day time routine. Not suggesting not feed during the day but to replace the pre-nap breastfeed with something else. You could feed downstairs and then take dd upstairs have a cuddle in your bed with a story and then put her to sleep. Think that it is really important to pass the message on that she can get cuddles and closeness without breastfeeding.

just an observation that cold turkey doesn't have to be quite as bad as everyone is suggesting. With ds1 i fed him until 23 months and tailed off. With ds3 I fed him until over 2 (not really sure how long) and tailed off. But with ds2 I suffered a miscarriage when he was about 18 months, felt dreadful and just went to bed for 3 days. dh looked after the boys and ds2 was weaned from at least 4 feeds to none. didn't seem to do him or me any real problems so if this is what you want to do then it is possible.

We put DD to bed differently last night - BF, books and then put to sleep by DH and it worked. So I am trying to dissociate sleep and BFing. I'm not sure I'm ready to stop but I know I want to by Easter before ttcing again.

Allergy consultant wants to work out what other foods DD is allergic to. Egg allergy was confirmed last week but because I take antihistimines every day DD is receiving a bit too so it masks reactions also she may be reacting to what I've eaten. On the plus side it seems if she hadn't been BF she may well have had an anaphylactic shock to egg white before now.

I know nobody in RL that has BF without giving any bottles so I'm a bit clueless on how to wean. Looked at kellymom and for once not very helpful.

DD only put on a pound in 4 months, but she is 75th percentile still so not exactly fading away.

Having just read the OP I would say if you don't want to stop BFing yet, don't. You are doing great?

Cold turkey sounds cruel for all of you.

When I stopped my 13 months afternoon feed it seemed to go easier if she had her nap then we went out straight away. She did not seem to mind missing the feed if she was entertained. If we stayed in she would get abit whingy and start to look down my top as if to say, come on what are you waiting for. Doesn't always work though, played it by ear sometimes ended up feeding just before bath time but on the whole not bad. Might be worth a try doing it steadily if you are not in any major rush.

Easter sounds a reasonable target, Tapster, as you seem sure you do want to stop...that timescale is nice and gradual

I don't think there are any rules about how to do it, and I am still baffled by your allergist - I mean, how important is it to know, if the bf (with antihistmines) actually protects her against the worst effects of a reaction? This sounds to me like box ticking, sorry. In time when you do stop, you will know, is that not correct?

It's normal for weight gain to slow like this, especially with babies at the top end.

can help to introduce new rituals such as warm milk in a cup on mummy's knee or cup of milk with parents in bed while they are having morning tea. Makes her feel more grown up, gives ops for closeness and gets her drinking milk

Some allergists think that by avoiding the food for a year she will outgrow them more quickly at the moment all I know is she is still getting reactions but I don't know if its my food or hers.

Lack of solids worries me more than the allergies at the moment. There are times when she doesn't have enough energy to play it seems.

At what age do bottle fed babies "give up" milk - I don't really want DD to guzzle tons of cows milk prefer to go from BFing to solids is this unrealistic? Maybe give milk and a biscuit pre-bath.