Breastfeeding my newborn means I can't spend time with my toddler. Any suggestions?

[LiliAnjelika]

I have a 2.5 yr old toddler and am consumed by guilt over the amount of time I spend breastfeeding my newborn and not paying as much attention to my toddler. I know she is distressed and hurt and jealous from changes in her behaviour and from the fact that she is now waking at night and I'm at the point of packing it in I feel so bad, but then I feel equally guilty at the thought of denying my newborn breastmilk, as I breastfed my toddler for 14 months. Anyone got any suggestions?

My DD was the same age when my ds was born. I had all the same feelings as you over the feeding etc. Now 18 months down the line I can see what a short time it was for. YEs cbeebies isn't ideal, yes it is stressful trying to juggle a newborn and a toddler but honsetly it will settle down before you know it.

A month from now you will be finding it easier and a month from then easier again and so on. There was a time that I never thought I would be able to get both of them off to bed without dp being here now dp has gone back to his old offshore job and I do it for weeks on end.

The suggetion of all 3 of you climbing into your bed for a story and a cuddle is a good one for night time did and still do on the odd fraught night.

It is hard not to feel guilty but try not too. Your toddler watching telly while your feeding might not be ideal but if it works do it, it's not forever and in the (sometimes short) gaps between feeds ignore the dishes sometimes and dedicate your time totally to her, in a years time you will look back and it will be a hazy memory and you will be an expert at juggling the both of them and you might even fit in time for a cuppa.

Knackered now but wanted to thank all for messages. I feel motivated to continue for at least a little longer, although I'm sure I'll end up combining breast and bottle once dh - who works away - goes back to work. And I'll try not to feel guilty!

INAC are you suggesting we might drink tea and sit down occasionally??? My youngest (of 3) is almost two yrs old and yes i managed just that this week .

It does get easier. honest.

i don't understand why by bfing you are denying time to your toddler. surely you would also have to deny her that time if you ff?

P.S. it got so much easier - either that or i didn't care? - that i b/fed DC3 for 17 months. Once you get settled, and let's face it you are at the maximum utterly knackered stage,it does work out into (i hate to use the word) ROUTINE. In that you all have a clue more or less how things should go.
Wishing you lots of sleep
x x

a ringsling. youtube has videos with mums using them if you don't get one with a dvd included. you can also look for a slingmeet in your area. in fact go to a slingmeet even if you get one with a dvd. it is a great way to get local experts to sort out any glitches you may have when wearing one and you get to try on other types too.

gigglewitch sit down???? I said tea but getting to sit down and drink is asking a lot

I bf DS until about 15 months and he was a grumpy reflux baby but it did get easier once we started passing that first knackered feeding all the time stage.

I do kind of agree with Nappyaddict though that if ff you still have to sit down to feed the baby. I haved a friend who give or take a few weeks both her dc's are the same age as mine and she ff both and when our second children came along and she watched me drink a cuppa or sort out dd while feeding she was a little because I always did have that one spare hand that she didn't have trying to juggle about the bottle and her toddler.

Actually r.e. the bedtime thing, I don't suppose it's practical for your partner to put DD1 to bed? We decided before the new baby came along that it was v. imp that Daddy should start putting DD1 down in the evenings as we knew that would probably be cluster feeding time for the baby. It's worked really well as we deal with one child each now, and the daddy / daughter bond is much stronger than it was. Just a thought?

Oh this is one of the HUGE issues of going from one child to two.

A special box of toys is good - tv - also good, and reading. I also got DD a doll and she would "b/feed" her doll at the same time.

There is a great deal of guilt when you go from one to two. You dont get to give the one to one to your first child has always enjoyed. You arent able to give your new baby the undivided attention as much as you gave the first. You feel pulled in all directions.

It is hard. There are no magic answers really. It is worth remembering that the family dynamics involved when you had your first are completely different with your second. The newborn has the benefit of an older sister, for a start , and the older sister has the benefit of having a little brother or sister to enjoy helping look after.

We also did the same as BadZelda. When I was pg with DS he started bathing dd and putting her to bed so that it was the norm when baby came. I did feel abit touched out at first because I did feel guilty but by the time he went away to work (he is away 3 weeks at a time) it wasn't a big deal to have to do both it does just take a bit of getting used to.

It's an old thread but I'm experiencing the same thing as OP. I feel quite sad and guilty that I haven't got so much time for my toddler as before the baby was born. Breastfeeding takes a lot of time even now when my baby is 7 months. I thought the feeds would get shorter and they would be less frequent as the baby grows but nursing in the evening takes an hour and sometimes longer!
My daughter only sleeps on my breast and she takes no dummy ever. My 3 years old son is amazing and he loves his baby sister but I feel so sad to see him left out in the evenings or during the day. Also DD wakes up a lot even after she is put to sleep and only breastfeeding can make her sleep again. That means I have to stop different activities with my DS several times a day because DD wakes up and calls for extra feeds.
I love breastfeeding her and have no intention to stop but the feeds take so long even now when she is not a newborn anymore. I still feed her every 1.5 - 2.5 hours.
Anyone else in the same boat??

mumchatting- start a new thread. People don't like posting on old threads and this one is 10 years old :) Your situation is not the same as the OP's.

I am sure you will get good help with a new thread.