Trying to stop/cutdown bf - MASSIVE tantrums! HELP!

[lyndyloo]

Help. Much as I have enjoyed bfing, I am ready to stop but LO isn't. She's 16 months just about and still a regular feeder during the day. I have posted for advice before and tried the distraction bit. Occasionally it works but lately she won't buy it at all.

I can distract her from bfing for a minute or two but she is back asking for it and won't budge til she gets it. i don't mind am and bedtime feeds but the daytime feeds are getting me down. I'm too knackered and don't want to be feeding a toddler in public tbh. Soooo tonight tried to distract LO by coming into the house and putting her straight in highchair for her tea. No way was she having it and screamed so much for a long time to the point where she really lost the plot and was banging her head on the highchair! I took her out of the chair and she did the same on the floor. Totally out of control. I was really upset by this and of course they only way to calm her down..............

I don't know what to do! Help!!!!!!!

Anyone? I would appreciate advice/information. I couldn't stand another tantrum like that one again. : (

i have no suggestions but might need advice on this in the future so i am moving this to the top...

mners, help!

This is often the age where they work out they can ask for bfeeds and get them, so they do.

Can you pull right back for a month or so and neither offer nor refuse for a bit? When I say don't refuse, if she's distractible, distract her, obv, but not to the point it distresses her.

I suppose one issue is that part of what she wants in the cuddle. You are loath to cuddle her as you think it might prompt a request for milk and so the two things become even more intertwined in her head. Could you try giving her a cuddle while she drinks some milk from a cup, or has a biscuit instead. You could go out together and buy a special big girls mug as she is now so grown up.

Thanks. She won't drink milk from a cup I'm afraid. occasionally a biscuit might do so could try that again.

I never offer but she always asks. She just loves it so much I think.

Will just have to go with the flow.

No advice here I'm afraid, but sympathy. I'm wondering whether I'd like to stop, and I'd certainly like to cut down to just a couple of times a day, but DS (also 16 m) isn't having any. I never offer either, except am still doing dreamfeed cos he's still not sleeping through, but that's a different issue...

We use a bit of baby sign to him although he doesn't do it back to us (does use it at nursery, apparently!) and just occasionally I find that when he is fussing and lifting up my top if I make the sign for 'breastmilk' to him and lift up my top without undoing my bra, that's enough to satisfy him. Especially if I then distract him with an exciting usually forbidden toy (my mobile, my wallet etc.). Seems like knowing that he could bf is enough, IYSWIM. DS is very clearly understanding that he has desires and sometimes we thwart them and he hates that, so it seems like making it clear to him that this isn't a thing I'm preventing him doing helps. Especially as bf is so important to him. I don't know if you can translate this into something that would work for you.

Hmmmmmmm interesting Lovage. Thing is I expect if I lift my top up she would just dive on my breast - she usually does!

Oh I wrote out a big post in answer to this on Monday and then MN died and I lost it. My suggestion was: if you're sure that you do want to cut back, could you try doing it really gradually? I don't know whether she has any sort of feeding routine (mine never did/don't), but could you try cutting out, say, one of the morning feeds this week, then one of the afternoon feeds the week after... and so on until you are left with just the feeds that she is most dependent on? These will probably be the early morning/night-time feeds, and so you'll have the added bonus (hopefully) of not feeding in public if you don't want to.

If she doesn't have routine feeds, try observing her for a few days, work out how many feeds per morning/afternoon she has on average, and try taking it from there?

I am still feeding but managed to cut down by being out and about a lot, and promptly leaving the house to go to the park if he got really antsy. Gradually DS learned to expect bf only when we are at home. Now if we spend a day at home he feeds probably 4 or 5 times. If we are out and about, twice only.

It was the only thing that worked for us, I think you just need to find something else that she loves doing and go with it for a while...

Yes, it doesn't always work! But sometimes it does and I reckon one fewer breastfeed is some progress (can't believe I'm saying this when I remember the early days when it was so difficult and I was constantly saying 'well that's one more bf into him, even if I can't carry on, he's had one more'! Amazing how things change isn't it)

Being busy and out of the house helps for us too and just occasionally offering him food instead if it's something he really likes. But once he really gets the idea into his head that he wants a bf, that's it! Or at least I'm too soft to prevent him. But no, I don't want to prevent him if he really wants, I just want to cut down a bit.

It's so hard isn't is, getting a balance between what you want and what they want.

in terms of cutting down, could you think (a bit like when you are trying to stop smoking) to narrow the places you feed in rather than the times.
so stage 1 not in public, stage 2 not in friends houses, stage 3 only upstairs. By removing the cues slowly it might make the transition easier.
I was also thinking that at 16mo they are testing boundaries and seeing what strategies work to get there own way. So it might be a good idea not to make it a battle unless you are sure that you can win.

Thanks ladies. Some good ideas which I will try. x