At wits end with my tandem feeding pair- not sure who to see to 1st

[haditfortheday]

I am feeling at my wits end after 3 nights with no sleep & the days arent much better either! I have a teething DS1 who is 12 months old & a DD who is 3 weeks old. I am breastfeeding them both & DH is away mon- friday I dont have any family about.
Trying to arrange them both for a feed at the same time is hard with just one pair of hands & a fretful teething 1 yr old who just wriggles everywhere. However my DD has also decided she wants feeding at my Ds bath, bed mealtimes.
I hate to have either of them crying but sometimes just dont know who to go to 1st. Its bad a night at the mo as DS is up with his teeth but I can hear DD crying in my bedroom while I am nursing him. Then when I leave him to nurse her he startes crying a few minutes later.
At the moment I feel like I am not meeting either of their needs & end up crying myself as I feel like an awful mum.
Has anyone got any pointers as to who I should see to 1st or what I can do to make it easier. I have just had a sling arrive so am going to try & use that on DD.

have you thought about expressing when you are not busy though i know it is hard but what about when they are both asleep at the same time? or maybe supplement the 12 month old with a bottle of formula once a day?

I dont really have time to express, I could feed DS more easily than expressing, especially as he needs the comfort of nursing while teething & getting used to a new sister. I suppose I just dont know who its worse to make wait those few minutes while I get to them. Dont like leaving DD as dont believe in leaving them to cry but then DS is in pain & appears to be more aware of me not geting to him as quickly.

Are you using Calpol or some other kind of pain relief for ds so he is not wholly dependent on you to feel better?

would agree about looking into painrelief.Also dont know how you feel about it but what about cosleeping with them both while your dh is away. I know how stressful it is to deal with 2[or3] needing different things and being torn.

Would you consider having them both in bed with you? Maybe your dd in a moses basket, so at least you dont have to get up or leave either one.

I haven't tandem fed, but is it possible to feed them at the same time? Also can you put 12 month old in your bed with you to give him some comfort?

I'm too slow again. Also a basket of new special toys for ds to have only when you have to look after dd. Can they be bathed together? good luck its very hard adjusting but will get better.

No words of advice I'm afraid but you are NOT an awful mum. You sound like a lovely, kind mum and you're doing a flipping difficult job.

There is a book called "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" by Hilary Flower that I have never read but I help run my local LLL library and we have a copy. Your local LLL may well have a copy you can borrow, or it might just be worth giving them a ring anyway and getting some support/advice.

With your DS, you should make sure you meet his nutritional needs but limit the amount of comfort nursing he gets, especially when the baby is hungry.

My DD was older when I was tandem nursing but I managed to feed them both at the same time. You can do football hold, or feed lying down witht the baby basically lying on top of the toddler.

Am giving pain relief to little effect. have tried the co cleeping- ds just kicks about ot thinks its playtime, dd is in moses basket next to bed or in with me.
I would love to feed them together more, its just getting them arranged...DS wiggles & wont stay still long enough for me to get dd in place!

He's old enough to learn that he has to lie still or get nothing.

no advice really but felt I had to say you are not an awful mum, bf both is brillant I think alot of people wouldnt even attempt it. Although it is hard you sound like you doing everything right. I had a 16 month age gap but didnt tandem feed (ds1 refused the bf at 7 months)but in the first few weeks they always both seem to of wanted attention at the same time but things seem to settle once we got into a kind of rountine (not the verity kind). Im sure things will settle it just sometimes takes some time to see what works best for your children. I would be inclined to feed baby first and try and settle baby down then feed ds. I know this may mean more work for you but ds may enjoy some speacial alone time with you and bf is a good time to that, is it possible he also playing up because his little world has been turned upside down as he no longer has you all to him self? It might also be worth taking to an nct bf counseelor to see what advice they have an tandem feeding. I hope things settle down soon. I dont mean to sound corney but I am in awe of anyone who bf either twins or two at a time, you are doing an fanstatic job

wow, you're a brill mum for bfeeding both at such tender ages, just want to say WELL done. THIS TOO SHALL PASS, HANG IN THERE.

Thanks for encouragement, will just hang in there & try & enjoy the extra pair of hands I will have this weekend when DH is home!