Expressing - bit of a handhold

[LJMilkTea]

Hello,

My little girl is 4 weeks and has been mixed fed from the start. She was born at 36 weeks and despite feeding a few times and me expressing colostrum furiously in the first 24 hours her blood sugar dipped and she had jaundice, and so we were advised to top up with formula.

I had been expressing 8 times per day to try and get my supply up. I am trying to feed with shields and sometimes it works on the left breast. The right breast is a real laggard and I get half the supply I get on the left. However I often find that there is just not enough hours in the day to try to feed off the breast as with the pumping and sterilising a feed can take over an hour.

I’m finding the expressing so difficult. We are doing shifts as she is not sleeping in the Moses and I am expressing every 3 hours, then we feed then top up. I am now getting around 400mls pumped a day but I seem to have plateaued.

Taking fenugreek, having oats and loads of water. Saw a lactation consultant and babe has her tongue tie snip next week.

I kind of broke the other day and just couldn’t face it any more, and decided to reduce to 7 and see where we are at 6 weeks as to whether we wind it down if my mental health is still suffering.

I just wanted a hand hold really, if anyone has any similar experience or considered stopping. I feel like a failure and lots of times wake up dreading pumping and wish that she would feed off of the breast.

At the same time I love that she is having my breast milk and 2/3 of her feeds (ish) are from me, and that will be very hard to stop.

Just wanted to get something out there as struggling with the whole shall I stop or shall we battle on. Some days are more difficult than others

I expressed for my 4yo ds, managed until about 11 weeks but started winding down from the 8 per day after about 5/6 weeks gradually as it was just too much.
Btw you don't have to sterilise anything for breast milk, hot soapy water is enough.

Anyway, I should have added he was totally fine when he moved onto formula. I had initial guilt but I felt that breastmilk doesn't replace mothering and I didn't have time to enjoy him as I should which I decided was more important.

This sounds so familiar, I gave myself a deadline of up to 1 month of pumping as my baby never managed to latch. 1 month came and went, every day I thought I would continue for another day and so on, then I was at 7/8 weeks and my milk supply really established itself. I am now able to pump 4 or 5 times a day and have enough to feed my baby and freeze about 2 feeds a day. I remember at about week 4 thinking I would never be able to keep up with the demand, so my mental health was suffering with guilt and feeling like I was a failure for not being able to breast feed. Remember, what you are doing is difficult and you are doing an amazing job. Taking one day at a time is a good way to go, and if you decide to stop you have already given your baby a great start with all the breast milk they have had. I found dealing with the pumping easier when I realised that breastfeeding was not going to happen for me and my baby so trying to get them to latch was one less thing to deal with. Maybe if you have time you could fit in one power pumping session a day to see if your supply can increase, and not sure if you have a double pump but it can help increase the supply pumping from both breasts at the same time and it cuts down the time spent doing it.