NOT SETTLING BETWEEN FEEDS

[BJB21]

can anyone advise me? My DS2 is 2weeks old today and really doesnt seem to settle between feeds. Nighttime isnt too bad(wakes twice) but during the day he only cat naps. Arent newborns supposed to sleep 18 hrs a day?!! Im mixed feeding him, but mainly bottle really, i only bf about twice a day and he usually has a top up. As an example, he fed on breast and had top up at 8.30am, awake till 11am, small bottle feed, dozed off for maybe 30 min and awake again. This is the pattern for most of the day, unless i take him out in pram. Dont want to keep offering feeds and giving him belly ache? Am wondering whether to completely stop bf and just give formula and see if settles better?

BJB - it's normal for young babies to feed in this way, and to cat nap. They often sleep/relax/rest between feeds very well in a sling, or as you have found, when in motion in a pram. This is especially the case if he has longer sleeps at night.

Very, very few newborns sleep 18 hours a day.

It may not be belly ache that keeps him unsettled, but just the need to be close to you.

Twice a day breastfeeding at this very early stage will mean your milk will dwindle to nothing in a short while - if you are ok with this, and aware that it would happen, there's no issue. But if your plan was to mix feed for longer, then you would need now to increase the breastfeeding big time...your choice.

Formula feeding may not impact on his pattern in anyway, so it's a bit of leap into the unknown if you change over completely.

Hope this helps.

thanks, yes i keep thinking exactly what you have said that this is normal, my first was exactly the same and i was just wondering if its something i am doing wrong especially when you hear/see so many people say their babies feed 3 or 4 hrly and then settle. i know this is old fashioned and we are now advised to feed on demand, but im just worried that this may be pattern that lasts a long time. im ok now, but worried when i go back to work etc. my milk supply has dwindled but he does go on and feed well when i do bf. i never intended to exclusively bf, but unsure how much longer to do it really, its a difficult decision

I really wouldnlt worry about work just yet , take each day as it comes and if you can up the number of b'feeds to boost supply it may keep your options open for longer. btw is he 2 weeks or 4 (as mentioned on No.3 thread?)

yes he 4 wks today not 2! just unsure whether bf working out cos wondering whther just 'grazing' on breast and bottle most of the day is whats keeping him awake. maybe never completely full up. oh i dont know, ive had 2 kids the same!

The ff could reduce his appetite for the next breastfeed so undermining the amount he takes and your subsequent milk production . If you want to mix feed it might be worth expressing in between the feeds you offer.

You're not doing anything wrong by responding to your baby's need to feed more often than 3-4 hourly, BJB - most people (adults included) feed/drink/snack more often than this, anyway.

Can't see the point of expressing - if you want to maintain your breastfeeding, just breastfeed

i have a breast pump but havnt used it but was thinking of expressing this wk maybe as im supposed to going out for a friends b'day next wk and will be drinking, also although im not bf that much if i dont express then my breasts will be full probably. maybe i should have just bf from day one, especially as he goes on so well. i cant make a decision to save my life!

You don't need to avoid bf just because you are drinking, BJB.

Seriously, if you want to breastfeed, what you are doing now is not helping....you need to majorly increase the breastfeeding your baby is doing or your milk will go. This is just the way the biology of breastfeeding works

yes i understand the physiology of bf but i thought some bf is better than none and although i dont feed him much, i feel it is a big comfort to him and satisfying for me to see him get milk. i never wanted to just bf as i wouldnt honestly have beed committed enough and i truly think exclusive bf is more hard work in spite of what people say. Especially at night. A bottle can take minutes but a bf can go on for ages. bf exclusively is fine if you hav nothing else to do, if no good if you planm to leave the house at some point!

It's a personal thing, BJB, and of course you are right that any breastfeeding is valuable.

Comparing the time involved is misleading - if you are using formula, you need to factor in the time taken to shop for it, make up the feed and keep the equipment clearn, on top of the time actually used to get it into the baby! Some babies are very quick breastfeeders, too.

I think it's a bit dismissive to say 'breastfeeding exclusively is fine if you have nothing else to do' as many mothers who work, who have several children and other aspects of a busy life find breastfeeding far less time-consuming than bottle feeding...and it is just wrong to suggest you can never leave the house if you are breastfeeding. You can leave the house, of course you can, and with your baby, too, as it's a whole lot easier if you are bf. If you need to leave the baby, then it's a question of timing and maybe expressing.

Of course it's down to choice, but make sure the choice is based on a realistic assessment of the different ways of feeding

yes i know and i didnt mean to be dismissive. Actually, if im honest, i reckon if i had exclusively bf from the start it probably would have been easier in some respects. i have been lucky too that he has always latched on well in spite of having bottles and it has not been uncomfortable for me. if i have a third then i might rethink my plans!

hi there
i had something a lot like this when i had my 3rd baby... which was a godsend as my other two were only 18m and 2.5y themselves...
i was amazed to find that i could feed him, put him in this and almost forget about him for about 4 hours at a time
now, im sure it wont work on all babies, but it seemed to 'fool' mine into thinking he was being held and the motion soothed him off to sleep for much of the day. absolutley transformed the first few months of his life for me.

just thougt id share in case it was any use to you.

congrats on your baby, and good luck with it all.

Cheers, one of my friends suggested getting one of those and i know my sister had one for her baby. Might be worth a try. Although i love holding him, sometimes you just have to get on with other things dont you. I do spend most of the mornings holding and cuddling him etc and i carry him a lot his sling but sometimes you just have other jobs and holding a baby at the time isnt possible!

absolutely.
hey, id love to just hold and cuddle all day but sometimes it just aint practical!

need further advice asap!!
Feel like this not settling lark is more than baby just wanting to be close and comforted etc.seems to be getting worse.he was having a sort of 'last feed' about 7pm and then sleeping til half 10, 11, but now he isnt going off till 9pm ish. tonight was a nightmare and i didnt even bother eating my dinner in the end as he didnt settle 845and everyone had their dinner by then. im wondering whether he has colic as cries loads sometimes but seems really hungry(even if not long since last feed). try him with breast(sucks but seems frustrated- would bf make colic/wind worse or ease it?), dummy, water and in the end further formula. seemds to be no structure to feed times at all now and im feeling crap. he is sleeping now and will wake probably at midnite, 3am ish and half 5 or 6am which is ok but unsure what to do/give to settle him rest of time as when he gets in a state cuddling and rocking doesnt help. i really think bf is pointless now cos allhe does is just graze/nuzzle in between bottles.

This sounds like my baby at around that time - he's really easily overstimulated and doesn't find sleep without help, and it started in the way you're describing. In the evenings he'd want to suck (for comfort) but he'd often pull off the breast to shout/squirm/kick. The GP/HV dismissed it as colic but I now know he was simply exhausted and finding it hard to wind down, and I wasn't really helping him because my attempts at settling just stimulated him more! Things that have helped me (I'll admit, only a little bit) included getting serious about regular naps, getting better at spotting his overstimulated signs (panting, wide eyes, kicking, shouting), getting him to bed earlier and being conscious of his environment (eg TV and lights in the evenings make him worse).

Maybe I'm way off the mark but it rings bells and I do wish I'd realised earlier how overtired and worked up my LO was.

Thanks, that could be it. i found my first child was easily overstimulated (and still is at 8yrs)and i really dont want things to be a tough as that this time. Thats exactly what he does 'pant' or as i call it heavy breathing. he seems really flustered. i do put him upstairs in his crib after last feed but as i said that has got later and later and is now at 9pm ish. Could do with him having it agian a t 7pm and then i could put him up in quiet bedroom. God its so hard knowing whats wrong and what to do for the best. i havent breast fed at all today, i think im just gonna stick with the bottle, just think all the confusion and bits of this milk, and bits of that making him worse

Thanks, that could be it. i found my first child was easily overstimulated (and still is at 8yrs)and i really dont want things to be a tough as that this time. Thats exactly what he does 'pant' or as i call it heavy breathing. he seems really flustered. i do put him upstairs in his crib after last feed but as i said that has got later and later and is now at 9pm ish. Could do with him having it agian a t 7pm and then i could put him up in quiet bedroom. God its so hard knowing whats wrong and what to do for the best. i havent breast fed at all today, i think im just gonna stick with the bottle, just think all the confusion and bits of this milk, and bits of that making him worse

Please don't fret about the lack of sleeping my dd is 5 months and still only has a morning nap of 45 ish minutes and then nothing until she goes to bed at 7.30pm she may manage a 5 min cat nap in between- some children just don't need it

My ds was even worse as he was a miserable little bugger too. However he turned into a happy wonderful toddler who up until I had my dd was laying in until 9.30 am every morning - blisssss!

The best thing I ever did was to make some slings- they are dynamite- dd wouldn't sleep but would close her eyes and would happily sit there for 3 plus hours feeding in between

yes im using my sling now as had a bit of a nitemare morning too. got friend from work popping up in bit(which could do without to be honest)and in frantically trying to get things dun and get ready and most he has slept is 45 min. feel sorry for ds1 as well as hardly spoken to him and ive only just hasd breakfast(standing up).

also i dont want to sound too premature here but at what age do you think a baby starts 'naughty' crying, for attention? i know you cant spoil a newborn but when can you? at what age do you stop pandering (not really the right word) to them and leave them to cry a bit? i used to jump up at every whimper for ds1 and feel i spoilt him rotten. dont want make same mistakes again. thought id be more relaxed this time and i am to a degree but i seem to have had two very fractious babies.i keep thinking it must be me

crying for no reason ? - beyond 1. She is crying because something is instinctively not right be it hunger, being wet , pain or just missing closeness of parent. You can't leave a lo to cry for any length of time and expect it to learn to distinguish between a need and a desire, he/she might simply eventually become conditioned to expect no response to either and stop but that isn't what you mean. He currently needs the security of knowing you will respond, which is not spoilign ro pandering to him, but that is not to say he can't wait a minute or two while you sort ds1 out or be in the sling while you do other things.

Sorry things are so hard atm but he won't be a newborn for ever. Can anyone help with ds1 occasionally ?

things are not that bad!! didnt mean it to sound like that. its just when you hear people say their baby has long daytime naps and sleeps well at night. i know thats probably not the norm. imjust jealous! i know they are not newborn forever and i do want to appreciate it.