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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breast feeding and isolated by parents in law

17 replies

susie100 · 19/10/2007 14:07

Hi all,
I am visiting my parents in law this weekend with dp and dd who is exclusively breast fed. I know they are trying to be kind but at our last visit they set aside a room for me to feed dd in. Very thoughtfully set up 'nursing chair', drinks etc but as she is fed on demand (every2/3 hrs roughly) and comfort feeds a lot I spend the whole time alone in this room! I would really like to just feed (discretely) in the same room as everyone else. She is in a sling most of time so very happy jsut being in compant etc.

I am not usually so shy and retiring but I feel really embarassed about this, esp as they think they are being really considerate. Should I call them in advance (I don't want to make it an issue) or just whip my norks out and see what they say?

OP posts:
tibsy · 19/10/2007 14:19

hi susie,
could you maybe ask your dp to have a word with them? it may be that they feel that you'll be more comfortable in your own private space and dont realise that you'd be more comfortable with everyone else.
good luck

juuule · 19/10/2007 14:20

Can you speak to them? Explain how you feel and let them know how isolated you feel. I'd thank them for their concern for you and the trouble they have gone to but would say that now you are more experienced with the bfeeding you would much more prefer to be included in the family rather than feeling like you are being 'sent to your room' Hopefully, they will realise that you are comfortable feeding with them there and hopefully they will be comfortable with you. If it makes them uncomfortable then obviously that's a bit awkward in their own home. But if they have been so thoughtful to set up a room for you maybe they would come round in time and see that bfeeding is not so 'in your face' as they might be afraid of.

Original poster
susie100 · 19/10/2007 14:58

Thanks Tibsy and juule, good advice, will get dp to call ahead and use your wording which I think is very diplomatic regarding being more experienced and more comfortable feeding etc. I don't think they will mind as they are quite lentil weavery but fil probably just doing it to make me feel better about it!

OP posts:
Tapster · 19/10/2007 15:24

Yes get dp to have a word. Although I sometimes have used Bfing to get away for dh's family!

gizmo · 19/10/2007 15:30

Smile sweetly.

Say 'would you mind if I fed her in here? It was nice to have our own room to practise in but now she's older we've got the hang of feeding discreetly and I'd much prefer to stay with the adult conversation'

Do you reckon that would work?

MrsArchieTheInventor · 19/10/2007 15:36

My in laws did exactly the same thing and to start with I did feel excluded and as if I was doing something 'unnatural', but I also got to seeing it as a break away from them, especially when the house was full of people like at Christmastime.

The one time I did whip my norks out they asked if I'd be more comfortable upstairs in the spare bedroom, but next time I'd say 'nah, we're fine here'. I mean, it's not like you're stripping off in the middle of the living room, you're just feeding your daughter.

Do whatever's comfortable for you and your dd.

determination · 19/10/2007 20:41

They probably wouldn't even notice if you just carried on with it and didnt say anything

SenoraPostrophe · 19/10/2007 20:44

get some good books and enjoy it!

or alternatively just ask them when you're there: phoning ahead would be making too big a deal of it, and whipping out norks seems sort of ungrateful, iyswim.

Budababe · 19/10/2007 20:55

A friend of mine and her DH and their BF baby came to stay with us once for a weekend. DH was terrified as he had had NO experience with babies. Weekend lovely - went out and about and babe was fed EBM. Sunday morning I come downstairs to find DH happily cooking breakfast and friend sat in kitchen chatting away to him while BF her little one. And I thought - ah bless - he is being v diplomatic (this is DH who suggested (jokingly) that we put the baby in that garage!!!).

On way back from airport next day having dropped friends off I remarked that it hadn't been that bad having a baby around. He agreed - said she was quite a good baby and didn't cry.

So then I said "and you were happily cooking b'fast as DF was BF'ing baby". Well. He was totally shocked. "No!" he said "she was just cuddling her".

This parable is not to let you all know how bloody useless my DH was where babies are concerned but to let you know that it is poss to BF so discreetly that no one else realises!!!! Well not my DH anyway!

Tommy · 19/10/2007 21:02

yes - they may not notice. I was feeding DS3 in a pub garden on one of the few fine evenings we had in August and a waitress came past and said "Ah, is he asleep?". I said "No - he's having a feed" and she went "Eugh!".

I soon put her right though and did a bit of breastfeeding evangelising as well - you would all hav ebeen proud of me

anneboleyn · 19/10/2007 21:09

Just whip them out and if they have a problem make them say it and then explain why you feel isolated by the feeding room.

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 19/10/2007 21:49

Breastfeeding Medal for Tommy!

woodstock3 · 19/10/2007 22:01

my FIL is an oldfashioned type and clearly mortified by my bf'ing but i just pretend not to notice. could you when you go, at the point where you realise she needs feeding smile nicely and say 'i think i'd like to stay here and feed her. i was really enjoying this conversation/telly programme/cup of tea/whatever'. then do it as discreetly as possible (think in advance about yr clothes). they may well not have realised it was even possible to do it without fuss, flashing of norks etc and are probably only trying to make you comfortable as much as anything.
or if you dont feel brave enough for that, could they come to you next time and you feed in front of them in your own home which would hopefully make the point that it's possible?

theprecious · 19/10/2007 22:13

this is funny coz when I went to see PILs I wanted to feed ds in the bedroom and was worried that they'd be offended by me wanting to feed in a different room.

I'd just turn away from them and latch the baby on, they probably won't even notice like budababe's dp.

ps budababe - is your dp happier about the state of your house yet?

Original poster
susie100 · 22/10/2007 14:18

Thanks for all of your comments, weekend went very well and took your advice! As soon as dd needed feeding FIL got up to show me to my 'room' and I just said thanks but we are experts now and I am happy to carry on here so I can chat to you all more. They were very relaxed about it and I think the sling helped keep it all discrete!

SIL made a few annoying comments about how breastfeeding must be a real committment/hindrance to sleep, getting life back to normal. I can't wait for her to have kids and realise there is no back to normal!! Anyway, that is a different subject.

OP posts:
Lindiriel · 22/10/2007 15:00

LOLing at 'norks'

I've heard 'em called that before! :0

Lindiriel · 22/10/2007 15:00

NEVER heard 'em called that I mean

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