I want to stop breastfeeding toddler but it's impossible - help! (long sorry)

[Jekyllywoo]

dd is 19 months - addicted to 'mi-mi'- breastfeeds morning, lunch and loads at night but also at varying points in the day if she is tired or fed or just fancies it. I have been happy to demand feed and feed her off to sleep, it has suited us a family until now but in the last week things have changed.

She used to wake around midnight, have a quick 10 mins feed and straight back to sleep - it didn't really bother me, she would usually sleep till 6ish. Now she wakes, feeds but is wide awake so gets all of the let-down milk quickly then just hangs on tight kind of chewing my nipple - she is not sucking any more and it is excruciating. I can't let her go on like that so take her off the breast and she goes ape. Instant screaming - dh held for an hour and half of screaming - he walked, sang songs, put her in the sling etc. She vomited phlegm 3 times (she always produces phlegm and then vomits it up clear and stringy when she cries for more than a minute or two). So after an hour and half of crying - at 1.30am, I fed her anyway!! She woke this morning all puffy eyed and has been grumpy all day as she's so tired.

What the hell do I do? I cannot have her using my nipple as a chewy toy - (yes she does have molars coming through but teething gels etc don't make any difference).

How do I get her to sleep without having my nipple in her mouth? She is capable of crying for hours and won't give up - and this is whilst being cuddled in her daddy's arms. I will not do controlled crying - have tried all of Elizabeth Pantley's gentle withdrawing of the nipple stuff, she just goes ape.

Also, I have guilt issues - dd has cerebral palsy and some days her life is pretty crappy -she is incredibally attached to me as I am her 'legs' and the one who carries her everywhere. I am her world and breastfeeding is so much more than food for her as I'm sure you all now. Breastfeeding is such a big comfort for her and I wish I could carry on but I need to get to the stage where someone else can settle her off to sleep occasionally or my nipples will fall off.

Does anyone have experience of a toddler with such an attachment to breastfeeding? What do I do? I hate seeing her so upset, it feels like torture.

Also just realized that I completely failed to acknowledge your added worry for DD with the possible hip problem. Really sorry to hear this. Fingers crossed for the mri.
I do think you are doing brilliantly, jekyllywoo, though of course it probably doesn't feel like it.

Thanks for your kind words onebadmother - unfortunately I started feeling really ill this afternoon, sore eyes, hot and cold and achey etc - spent from 5pm till when dh got home at 6 lying on the setee with dd1 playing doctors and rubbing cream all over my legs! ~I just don't have to energy to deal with dd tonight, I can barely stand up. She's on her second wake up since 8.30pm and dh is with her - it's gone quiet so I hope he's got her to sleep..

Oh god you poor thing.

Perhaps - if the chewing isn't so bad - you should hold off completely till you feel like you've got a bit of your stamina back?

It's a bit of a vicious circle - no sleep, no stamina - but sometimes the emotional exhaustion of trying to change something (sleep, feeding, whatever) is more difficult to bear than being woken - at least you're getting to lie down while feeding in your bed..

Then maybe you could work out exactly what you'd like your regime to be, pick a week that dh is not doing such terribly long hours, and go hell for leather to crack it.

I think really that the quickest, most painless way to change things is to start doing it and stick to it - not possible when you're poorly or utterly at the end of tether.

Thinking of you, let me know how it goes.

Jekyllywoo, I cannot begin to imagine how difficult your situation is compared to mine. I feel awful for complaining and am inspired by your obvious strength in not only getting through the situation but calling for help when you need it. I did want to suggest that you might want to seek help through homeopathics. They were a HUGE HUGE help with My first daughter 6 years ago. They have also helped Thomas a lot with Constipation which he has suffered from and other minor issues. Not so much with the sleeping as it is very habitual for him. Prune juice has also helped wiht constipation for Thomas.

I so hope today is a much better day for you.

I agree with others when they say pick a time when you have support and feel stronger to battle your BF issue. I was going to get tough with thomas next week but I myself have come down with a cold so silly to start now.

Good luck, and GOOD ON YOU!!! You are a champion.

Sharon

Well said Craftylam - couldn't agree more with the champion bit. (and hope your cold improves..)

Any rest, Jekyllywoo?

Agreed prune juice or evem better prunes mashed in porridge really worked - instantly sometimes...

I was also wondering how much of what you'd like to change is about the chewing? If so, maybe that would be an easier thing to deal with and not worry so much about the sleep/bf pattern for now?

Unfortunately the only advice for this that I can remember is to shout "NOOOOOOO|!" REALLY LOUDLY and completely freak the poor little buggers out!

Which possibly is not quite right for you at this time...(!)

Will ask around and see if anyone's got any other thoughts.

thinking of you,

Kate

Aw, you lot are so kind, thank you. Well, I'm still pretty lousy, my lungs are crackling tonight which dh thinks sounds amusing but it pretty crappy for me! My mum had the dd's today from 10am till 5pm and dd managed all day without asking for milk so she can do it. I've decided to wait till I'm feeling better and also dh and I might wait till he's off work and then make a real planned asault. Unfortunately her body has gone past the stage where prunes will help as her bowel has been stretched by over a year of constipation - she hasn't been for 8 days and has not even strained or tried, it's like her body doesn't even know it should go. Anyway, we've started her on senna tonight as well as her lactulose so we're hoping for results in the morning but I think we'll be in for a rought night because I imagine it must make her tum pretty uncomfortable. Thanks again for your support, we'll get there in the end I'm sure

I forgot to add that dd's x-rays have come back normal so her hips are fine - at least that's one less thing to think about!

Hurray for the hips! Brilliant.
My mum had ovarian cancer which meant that she had to have a bit of her bowel removed. It gave her another year of life - but her constipation was fairly dreadful, just as you describe for dd, and really gave her a lot of real pain. Perhaps too much info but my father would have to go in there..

She was on lactulose too but it didn't do bugger all once she'd gone beyond a certain point.

I do remember having loads of feedback from an ovarian cancer newsgroup though (was dreadful time so think I've blocked out exactly what that was).
\
But I think it might help to look into this - hadn't realised that you were talking about going this long...

onebadmother - I'm sorry to hear about your mum, must have been horrible for her. Yes, we've done the digging it out thing, bloody awful. We've only been able to get the doctors to do anything in the last month or so, one helpful nurse suggested sitting on her on a potty full of boiling water..

Hello there - thanks jekyllywoo, was pretty grim..
I've had a look around and can't find anything now, dammit. Sorry..How did the senokot go?
My cousin is a paediatrician so if you have no joy I could email her?

can you ask for a referal to see a consultant about your dds bowel problems? THis happened to a amate of mine, her dd needed picolax to 'shift' her faeces as she used to become completely clogged up, and then used to have overspil, which was very distressing.

my dd also had constipation, nothing to do with her diet, and I used to be at my wits nd with people saying, 'Giver her some ormage juice'....she used to eat oranges by the bucket load.

With my dd it was a control issue, and it corrected itself once she was potty trained. Hope your dd's does too

Well the senna did nothing, it's like her bowels have given up and don't know how to move - I'm considering phoning the out of hours doctor today as it is really worrying me. We actually saw the paediatrician last week for Heather's cerebral palsy review and she was utterly uninterested in the constipation. It's day 8 today since anything came out of her body

dd used to go 6-7 days and by the end was crying constantly. I took her to see the practice nurse and just cried and cried myself.

It is a horrible thing to deal with and you have all my sympathy. As for a referal from your GP.

jekyll, have you tried suppositaries? Just remembered that this was really helpful with mum.. Also seem to remember than senna was cumulative and worked on the second day?

But really agree that you should see GP with this, it's not a minor problem at this point and you should bully them into doing something about it. There are lots of different types of laxative aren't there - some add fibre, some cause the bowel to respond..

I've just emailed cousin who is notoriously busy but will get back to you asa she responds//

jekyll
Here's my cousin's response
"Your mate needs to get a referral to a paediatric gastroenterologist,
and change her GP. Her daughter should not have to go through such pain
and it is well recognised that children with CP get constipated."

I might have over-egged things bcs I said that your GP not very interested in dd's constipation .. did I make that bit up?? Anyway that's why she says to change GP!
Hope this helps, I know this probably means another 3 month wait but unless it resolves itself v soon might be the way to go?

My friend had a similar problem and solved it by going away by herself to a hotel for a few days, leaving no option but for dh/nanny to bottle feed her dd (she was about 18 months).

It worked, tho' it may sound a bit drastic.

jekyllywoo
wondering whether you thought it was a bit ... previous of me to email paediatrician cousin? Really hope not, but very sorry if so.

Sorry onebadmother - I haven't had a chance to reply - of course I'm not offended, I really appreciate you asking your cousin and I think she's right that we need a referral. It looks like we might be off to hospital later this week anyway:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/138/413648?stamp=071029231523

Funny, with all this going on I've actually been grateful that I'm still breastfeeding her, it's been such a comfort for my little sausage.

Oh brilliant jekyllywoo, to start a new thread about the constipation.. didn't read to the end but it sounds like lots of others have v g advice.
Totally agree about the bf when other things aren't good. I really remember that with dd. Weird how these things can be contextual or a question of perception, so bad one minute and the next minute the one thing that makes it all ok.
Anyway vg luck with it all, think you're brill (as I believe i might have already mentioned..)

you're making me blush - but thank you. I don't feel brill but as least I'm no longer flapping over excess TV watching whilst I'm ill - dd watched 'Dora saves the Mermaids' 3 times today and I am guilt free!

Is so good to see that I am not the only one with a frequent night waker and feeder. I have been praying, wishing, hoping my dd aged 23 months would suddenly sleep all night but to no avail, she wakes at least 5 times a night usually more, sometimes every 30 mins to feed. I have half heartedly tried to say no sometimes but end up giving in cos dd screams mi! mi!want to do things to ensure her happiness/security/ long term psychological well being but am a zombie pretty much all of the time cos I am so tired.Am slightly scared to try anything incase I traumatise her but think my life would be much improved with more sleep. Thanks for the suggestions. I will try some and hope it makes a difference. Could do with reassurance that I will not be ruining relationship/trust with baby.

jeckylwoo, my ds1 has had constipation problems since January. It developed into a fecal impaction. So once we did an enema and lots of stool softeners to get rid of the impaction we then had to go through "colon rehabilitation". It seems that the impaction stretches out the colon in that area and then it is more likely to re-occur. So he had to have stool softener for about 3 months with us reminding him to sit on the potty at regular times during the day. It has taken a long time but things are getting a bit better. We have to really watch him though and I have started adding powdered fiber to his juice since we have not been doing the stool softener anymore.

HTH and hope your little dd starts feeling better soon.

jeckylwoo, my ds1 has had constipation problems since January. It developed into a fecal impaction. So once we did an enema and lots of stool softeners to get rid of the impaction we then had to go through "colon rehabilitation". It seems that the impaction stretches out the colon in that area and then it is more likely to re-occur. So he had to have stool softener for about 3 months with us reminding him to sit on the potty at regular times during the day. It has taken a long time but things are getting a bit better. We have to really watch him though and I have started adding powdered fiber to his juice since we have not been doing the stool softener anymore.

HTH and hope your little dd starts feeling better soon.