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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

A question about stopping breast-feeding - not sure what to do

19 replies

notnowbernard · 15/10/2007 22:19

DD2 is 14m and is down to 1 feed a day (on waking in the morning). She completely lost interest in the bedtime feed about 2m ago, so this came to a natural end, I suppose.

Am now not really sure about what to do about the morning feed. ATM, if she wakes quite early I get her and she gets into bed for the feed. But if she sleeps in a bit, she tends to just 'get up' with DD1 and hassles for her breakfast (withDD1!)

So most mornings she has a bf, but not every morning. And she never gestures for a bf (pointing, pulling up my top or any other cue she wants to bf... never has done).

I did get really upset the other night at the thought of stopping. (But this might be more about maybe never bf again, rather than never bf DD2 again, IYSWIM?)

So am also thinking I need to make sure I carry on bf for the right reason, if this is what i decide to do.

Sorry, a bit rambly!!

Any thoughts appreciated! Thankyou

OP posts:

Mij · 15/10/2007 22:24

Can I ask a bit about what you mean by 'the right reason'? If your DD is still interested in a BF when there's time, isn't that still right for both of you?

It sounds like you've started a period of - totally understandable and completely allowed! - mourning for the ending of BFing. It sounds like you're in tune with your DD enough to know when she really loses interest.

Are you feeling any pressure to stop? What would be 'the wrong reason' for continuing?

milkymill · 15/10/2007 22:27

I was in exactly the same position a few months ago. I did choose to stop then as I felt it was a natural time for us. It was hard, and very emotional for that first week. You need to do what you feel is right form you both.

Original poster

notnowbernard · 15/10/2007 22:29

Mij - No pressure to stop

I suppose by 'right reason' I mean if i continue it has to be because dd2 wants to, not because of any affection/attachment/emotion I have for it (hope that explains it ok!)

If she's happy to miss the bf some mornings and not even seem to notice she's missed it (too busy wanting her grub!) is this the time to naturally end?

Am so unsure!!

OP posts:

Original poster

notnowbernard · 15/10/2007 22:44

Milkymill - thanks for your reply. It's hard, isn't it. ATM I'm not sure whether if it feels 'right' for me to stop... and really don't know what dd2 reckons to it! She is happy to bf when it's offered, if it's not there she doesn't ask for it.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 15/10/2007 22:47

NNB - rememeber that " never offer never refuse" is a weaning technique. do you want to wean her now?

Original poster

notnowbernard · 15/10/2007 22:50

Kristina - I don't know! This is the thing...

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 15/10/2007 22:53

There are a lot of benefits to continuing breastfeeding for both of you - so even if your dd isn't asking for it at all, there are good reasons to continue.

I expect you would still go on reading books to your dd even if she didn't ask for them - why? Because it is good for her and enjoyable for both of you. You needn't feel concerned about continuing breastfeeding in case your reasons aren't good enough - you don't need any reason to carry on doing something other than that it's a good thing to do!

Original poster

notnowbernard · 15/10/2007 23:01

FrannyandZooey - Thankyou. That makes a lot of sense.

Now I've re-read my OP and subsequent messages, it feels like maybe I'm not quite at the stage of being ready to stop... and yes, when dd is offered a feed she doesn't refuse it

I just really suprised myself last week when I got so upset about it (blubbing, FGS!) Had not really considered it in that particulary way, I suppose.

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 16/10/2007 09:02

I think it's very emotive - because it isn't just about food, it's about giving love and comfort and all those things as well. I was in a state when ds decided to stop - even though he was nearly 4! It is a big part of your relationship with your child, if you breastfeed. It's a good thing that you feel so positively about it and don't want to stop. That's how you and your child are designed to be.

Piffle · 16/10/2007 09:04

this is exactly tha ge and time both of mine stopped as well by 16 mths twas never needed again
I did miss it but the kids chose it themselves and looking back it was as natural and as liberal a process as it could be.
I hope to feed ds2 ( 7mths) for as long if not longer at his choice too..

Original poster

notnowbernard · 16/10/2007 09:11

Yes, it is very emotive. That was proven to me last week!

I didn't have these feelings when I stopped bf dd1. She was 10m and seemed to lose interest completely... coupled with lots of biting, it made the decision to end quite simple. And I suppose in the back of my mind I knew there would almost definitely be another baby to feed at some point... whereas dd2 may always be, 'the baby'

But I'm glad I've had a really positive experience of bf both of them. You're right, it's been a lovely part of our relationship.

OP posts:

Mij · 16/10/2007 23:05

yes, it's so much more than just food isn't it. DD has just been poorly for a few days and has gone back to an almost completely liquid diet (my boobs don't know what's hit them...) and I was really glad I could do that, but then she's a real boob girl and it's her first port of call when she's particularly tired or upset too. I suppose that secretly, I also like the fact that it's only me who can give her that kind of comfort.

I'm really hoping she gives me a very clear signal that she no longer wants to feed, cos I don't want to have to make an active decision to stop! Coward that I am

Good luck with whatever you decide is right.

Original poster

notnowbernard · 17/10/2007 20:59

I mentioned this issue to dp last night.
He was really understanding about it. Was very suprised, actually... not because he's not supportive of bf or has 'issues' with me bf or anything like that, but because he totally 'got' why I was upset (the emotional side of it).

In fact, his final words on the subject were "I think (dd2) still loves it, actually... carry on as long as she wants it"

So it'll be a bit longer, I think.

Thanks for your thoughts!

OP posts:

susiecutie · 17/10/2007 21:13

Sorry this a little hyjack.. but kind of related...

I too considered stopping recently. my dd is 9 months old. my only reason was that she is biting and pinching me SO hard... i really am not enjoying most of the feeds we do. She doesnt do it in the night time, or first thing in the morning. I did have a thread about it recently but got little response...

the last feed of the day just before bed, is usually the worst. I am in tears sometime with the pain of it. I dont know what to do tbh. I notice you had this problem with your first Dc at the same age.

I just dont want to stop. I know she still loves it too. just after a little while of feeding she starts the pinching, pulling and biting and pulling out nipple. my DH said the last weekend, just stop feeding her. she doesn actually 'need' it anymore. there is no point in you sobbing and cryig in pain... he is right about that bit, but not about me stopping. She loves it first thing, and sometimes before aftenoon nap... cannot work out an exact pattern to when she bites. she also pinches and scratches my side ( underneath where her arm goes round my waist IYSWIM?)

My DH is supportive in whatever i do, but cannot bare to see me being hurt like that. He picked her up, put her on the floor facing away and we didnt look at her for about a minute, then she went back on, then did it again.we repeated the sitting er down for a while then i had to abandon the feed. I've been doing this as much a I can when she does it, but as I have back probs i cannot manage it always so she' gets away' with it...
any one any more ideas?

Original poster

notnowbernard · 17/10/2007 21:21

Hi Susie.

The biting thing seems to be quite common around the 9m age. As I said, dd1 did it. I remember it really hurting. But it also co-incided with her losing interest in bf altogether, so I think that's how it reached its natural end.

DD2 has bitten a few times, but it has been accidental. But, I do remember her pinching my arm loads around 9-10m. Truly eye-watering! And dfinitely done for cause=effect purposes.

From my experience and what I've heard, this is a phase which does end. I'm not sure if 'disciplining' this behaviour would have much effect at this age, tbh, and probably just makes feeding more frustrating and upsetting for you both.

I think I found ignoring it helped (difficult I know) and just trying to 'ride it out'.

Hope it works out well for you!

OP posts:

susiecutie · 17/10/2007 23:34

thanks

i get the feeling she really really IS looking for an effect. which makes me worry I have a violent baby! but so encouraging to hear that its happened to others too.

If i possible can i think that ignoring id the only way. although its almost impossible. She is definitely looking at me for my reaction. So, if there isn't one, maybe she will stop... i bloody hope so! other wise, its the end to such a wonderful thing i think she actually still really likes doing.

thanks again

Mij · 18/10/2007 22:20

Susie, my DD regularly goes through patches of pinching, scratching, the odd nip and, currently (at 16 months) hitting me and hooking her fingers in my mouth and yanking. Lovely!

They don't last long and I was advised that by reacting emotionally it turns into a game. Easier said than done, of course, to keep a straight face when your LO is tearing strips out of you.

I found that repeatedly removing the offending hand (if you can reach it) without giving it, or her, any more attention than usual, would at least divert the worst of the onslaught until she lost interest or got irritated with me and ended the feed. Either way, it gets us through the tricky patches.

Good luck. But I do feel for you, it's hard not to think they're just being mean sometimes, isn't it!

fishie · 18/10/2007 22:27

susie don't let her hurt you but no need to stop feeding either. it is very common. when ds was doing this i said if you pinch me i will stop milk, took him off and waited a little while. did really stick to it, even when i was desperate to get him to go to sleep. he strokes my arm now or pats my chest, it is rather nice.

Amberjee · 19/10/2007 20:20

Susie, this will pass. ds went through a phase of it at about 8.5 months. if he bit, i would just take him off the breast and put him on the floor. he might get a bit upset, but i'd leave him for a few mins and then give him a hug. if he wanted to feed again, then i'd let him, but if he repeated the biting, i'd then stop the feed altogether. one day he didn't feed all day because each time he would bite me. but the next day he didn't do it at all so he might have gotten the message.
whatever you do, it's a short time in your breastfeeding relationship, so if you want to keep going, it's worth persevering. xx

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