Extended bfers, reassure me!

[Lovage]

My NCT class met up yesterday for the first time for about 6 months and I was made to feel a complete freak because I'm still bfing DS at 15 months.

I had three separate conversations where it came up and each time the person referred to that TV programme with the 8 year old still bfing. Now while I couldn't draw an absolute line where my son would be too old to bf, I do think bfing a 15 mo is a bit different from an 8 year old. It's hardly extended at all, in my book. And they kept asking was it just for comfort, with an implication that if so, it was invalid. What's this 'just'?! The world can be an overwhelming place when you're 15 months and anything I can do to make it feel safer and happier for him I want to do.

I wish I'd resisted the 'just for comfort' line as well cos that let them carry on with their conversations about how it's pointless once they're old enough to drink normal cow's milk. Then I could have pointed out that breastmilk is designed for babies but cows milk is designed for calves. Nothing wrong with giving that to a baby his age but it's just not true that there are no nutritional benefits over 12 months, as they all seemed to think. But I'm crap in these sort of situations and just shriveled up into my shell (especially as I was bfing DS during some of these conversations).

And they kept saying things like 'once they're old enough to ask, they're too old'. I think they meant 'talk' which DS isn't doing yet, but he clearly asks (lifts up my top and gives a particular cry) and why is it so wrong once they can ask? Surely it's good for children to have things that they want (as long as it's not bad for them)

Actually, I think that might be the nub of the disagreement. I think they think it is bad for DS cos it's encouraging him to stay dependent and baby-like and (probably) smothering him with my needs. They think bringing up children is about controlling and training them in order to make them independent. But I think it's about loving them and making them feel safe so that they'll want to go out into the world independently of their own accord. And responding to his cues, which are clearly that he is in no way ready to give up bfing.

Sorry for the rant. Although I'm sounding quite clear about what I'm doing here, I am actually feeling quite undermined and positioned as all sorts of horrible things.

I am so disappointed in my NCT class, I always came away feeling undermined and judged and I had such high hopes. Ah well, at least I have mumsnet!

Duchess I agree that the more people who know about "extended" feeding the better. It isnt something which women should feel the need to hide away, that is very sad IMO.
I didnt openly discuss breastfeeding DS1 till he was 2 with my friends and didnt feed him in public after he was about 1 as I felt awkward but I do think this is a shame.
I think its important that its seen as entirely normal to breastfeed toddlers rather than it being equated to eg the extreme breastfeeding in the C4 programme.
The Little Britain sketch didnt help the cause either, found that quite offensive myself

Urban - do you go to regular LLL meetings? You're MK aren't you? I could possibly get to some there, depending on exact location/time. Would love to know more if they are regular.

I mention it quite a lot, but not in an evangelical way. I just do it when it comes up naturally in conversation, which it does frequently.

Tis funny though, my MIL can't bring herself to talk about it now. She has to talk about it in terms of having my son having a bit of comfort.

I would breastfeed in public but he only asks for it first thing in the morning, when I get home from work (I work full time) and just before bed. Oh, and during the night when he helps himself. He is a hungry boy, my son.

My in-laws were fishing recently about whether my dd1 still feeds. DD1 firmly said "bIg girls do get milkies if they want to"(she is 3.5).

They haven't asked me though, probably too scared in case I confirm it!

I go to a group specifically for 1 year olds (with dd2) and everyone was talking about when they were going to wean them, or what they drank now. The first thing that struck me was that in a room with about 10 women in it all of them had fed to more or less a year. I have never been in that situation before. I was so busy pondering over that, i didn't get into a discussion about self weaning.

Might have been interesting as the group is held within my dd1's nursery, hosted by on of the nursery staff.

I've never had a problem with feeding any of mine in public when they were bigger, DS1 stopped at 2.5, DS2 I had to stop at 3.5 because of a lactose intolerance and DD is 3 in april and still feeding, No one in the family comments anymore, it's put down to me being stubborn !
Lisa x

I had awkward time at dh's friend this weekend when ds wanted milk and host said you won't think it funny but it reminds me of Little Britain..and I said no I won't and quoted the til at least 2 bit but it did make me feel uncomfortable Generally I am proud to still be bf ds at 15 months and wouldn't change it as I feel it's special and best for my little boy so it is a shame that people need to comment.

15 months is just a baby.

I wonder what he would make of dd1 arriving in our bed in the morning and not asking until it is 7am.

"It's seven o'clock now Mummy, look look there is a 7" (digital clock)

CSWS - i'm in Northampton, and there are LLL meetings once a week. there's also a Baby Cafe in town once a week which is lovely, and has both NCT and LLL counsellors there. if you'd like to come i can meet you in town, and we can go together (can be slightly intimidating if you're walking in on your own and you don't know anyone!!)

feel free to email me on breastfeeding dot picnic at googlemail dot com (no spaces, obviously)

I have recently moved from a fairly deprived area where at the baby group, I was the only breastfeeder, the only one who used a sling/backpack, the only one who did BLW at 6 months (one girl said she had given her 10 week old dd chocolate ffs), the only one who used real nappies or biodegradable disposables, the only one who didn't rush off to get bladdered at first opportunity after having ds etc etc etc etc etc.

Imagine my joy at moving to another area and then discovering a LLL group especially for older babies and toddlers. DS is almost two and I feel very normal there, in fact I am very ordinary compared to the tandem feeding mums, or the ones who are feeding during pregnancy, or the mums with older children who self weaned at age 4.

As others have said, it sounds like you need to change which mums you are hanging around with. These ladies sound like they have no idea how wonderful a thing you are doing for your DS.

You def need to find a more like-minded network of mums!

Its interesting because when dd1 was born I went to an NCT where all views were tolerated, and bfers ranged from 4 months to 4 years (me ). My friend a mile down the road, went to a different NCT group where she felt like a freak for bfing past 6 months - she joined a local LLL group instead.

TBH I stopped discussing feeding after dd passed 1 yr as I was happy with it, and it was no-one else's business. My friends were probably aware I was bfing, but it was never an issue for discussion.

I hoped dd1 would self wean at 4, but she didn't give any signs of doing so. I never meant to bf that long - just couldn't bear to say no, and I was working, and it was a comfort for her at the end of the day. We did stop at 4, but she still talks about it now almost a year later.

I don't think anyone but my dh knows about how long I bf her - many of may mates wd probably be After the age of 2 we used to keep bf only for home, and only for sleeps.

I am really surprised that your NCT class was that close-minded about extended breastfeeding, tbh. I would have thought you'd find it easier with them...

Oh well. It sounds as they are simply displaying their ignorance of the continuing benefits of breast feeding. That asking ting is just absurd. What do they think crying is for a small baby, if it is not asking for something? Also, fgs, their babies are dependent. And changing the way they feed them at at a time to suit themselves rather than their babies imo just disempowers their babies. Same reason I let my babies choose when they wanted to start eating solids, rather than arbitrarily decide for them. I know a lot of people bring up their babies like this, but it always seemed wrong wrong wrong to me. So I didn't do it.

Don't let them get to you!

i actually run an NCT baby group and would agree about the bf feeding attitude tbh. im an extended feeder myself (dd 17 months) and while i wouldn't have a problem feeding her in public, she only wants to feed at bedtime, otherwise i would lead by example!

i owuld really like to make the group more bf friendly, but i'm also aware that at least one of my group isn't bottle feeding through choice, so wouldn't want to make anybody feel bad on that account.

i know one bf-er who did come along was uncomftable as no-one else was doing it, and tbh, when i attended the group (as oppose to running it) about a year ago, i felt the same.

there is a bf group in my town, which is fab, but i think people view it as a bit hippy-dippy-bosom-swingy which it really, really isn't.

i know that isn't particularly helpful to you Lovage, but you're not on your own!

however,if you will forgive the unintended hi-jack, any suggestions grtefully received!

I'm a believer in carry on bfeeding for as long as the child wants. DS decided stop when he was around 2 years and 7 months. He actually went on strike a couple of times when he was 11 months and second time around 15 months and everyone around (except DH who was very supportive) said "this is your chance to stop", but I just knew he wasn't actually ready to give up ...
I intend to do the same with baby no 2 on the way. I was actually quite surprised by MW's comment on my booking appointment. She asked me if I bfed DS and I said "Yes, for 2.7 years" to which she replied "Wow, that?s quite unusual".

My daughters still feeding,shes 3.5

When I went to my booking in appointment with this pregnancy and said I was still bf DS (2.8) the midwife was clearly surprised but said "Great!", which I was pleased about.

Thankfully I do have a more likeminded group as well - a group that met through the (otherwise completely useless) GP practice antenatal class but with whom I've always felt more relaxed. One of them is still bfing her 17mo and the others are just a bit more socially ept so wouldn't make remarks like this, whatever they thought.

I would prefer not to feed DS in public because of this response but he's very insistent and not distractable. And the other day he wasn't well and was a bit overfaced by all the other kids and adults (he may even have picked up my tension about the group) so kept coming back to me to feed. But that's one of the reasons I do it, of course, so he can get reassured and then go back to whatever he's interested in.

Disappointed to hear the LLL group is in Northampton - I am in MK and was getting interested. But can't really get to N'ton.

Oh thank you for that offer Urban, but Northampton is too far north for me. MK was going to be pushing it enough!

there may be a LLL group in MK as well, i don't know. i know there's one in Bedford. i can ask for you if you like, or you could go on the website and find out?

Oh for pete's sake. Jersey cow mummy milk is the perfect high energy snack for toddlers!

My very own personal opinion is as well as the nutritional benefits it teaches babies to have respect for your personal space and body and is very healthy.

Right, that's it. I'm going to stop asking people on here about LLL, and actually find out from the local people! Have just emailed the Luton and Bedford branch to see if they have any 'series meetings' (which Franny kindly described to me recently).

CSWS - the Bedford lot are lovely! give me a shout if you do go, as i could pop along to offer moral support if you like? (tell me to bog off if you don't like!!)