Dreading breastfeeding second child - anyone else felt like this?

[Lordashley]

I breastfed dd until she was a year, when she gave up voluntarily. She was really difficult to breastfeed, and I can't say I enjoyed it very much. I carried on because my mother was very supportive/kept on reminding me I'd be a bad mother if I gave up and after all she had perservered when I had been a difficult feeder.

I feel I have a much better relationship with DD now I am not bfeeding her - for the 1st few months I didn't bond with her at all and at various points really resented her and I am pretty sure this was down to the trying feeding relationship.

No.2 is due at the end of April and I am already starting to feel down at the prospect of having to breastfeed again. Has anyone else felt like this? Did your feelings change once the baby was born? My mother has already had a go at me when I said that if the second one is as difficult as the first, I will switch to formula...

don't have very long but
"kept on reminding me I'd be a bad mother if I gave up"
that doesnt sound supportive!
do what's best for you & your family!!!! (mother excluded)

I know - I should have written "supportive" I think. She was good, in that in the early days she would sit up with me at 3am when it took hours to get DD to latch on and encourage me to keep calm and keep on trying. However, I think she also told me a load of rubbish i.e. don't ever give DD a bottle as she will forget how to breastfeed. I listened, and then was left with a baby that never took a bottle so I was practically forced to carry on bfeeding when I hated every minute.

(Can you tell I'm getting a few things off my chest here?!!)

I think you should go with your instincts. If you think you will bond more by fomula feeding then do it. You shouldn't feel forced into anything.

Maybe breastfeed for the first week or so so the baby gets the colostruma nd then switch. Really, don't let anyone bully you. A good mum/infant relationship is more important than breastfeeding, I'd say.

Why don't you just give it a go, after all, every baby is different, and it could be easier this time. Even if you only manage a short time, your baby will get some benefits from it. Also, you could always try a bf clinic / counsellor for help.

But ultimately, if it doesn't work, and is making you miserable, then whatever your mum says, you don't have to persist with trying. It's your baby, your body, and your life. You won't be a bad mother if you don't bf.

...and you never know, this baby might be very different. So give it a go - but make your own mind up.

And if anyone tells you you are a bad mother for not breastfeeding, kick them out until they can say something more positive.

x posts ss

just keep an open mind - you may be blessed with a natural feeder, every baby is different in how they get on with it.
As for your mum's support - that kind you can do without, planting the seed of guilt and reminding you that you were 'difficult' is hardly going to give you confidence in your self or your baby is it?
Lisa X

My sister had a terrible time trying to bf her first baby. She did try very hard and took up all suggestions but her and her baby just ended up totally miserable. So when she had her 2nd baby she decided right from the outset that she would ff. It was the right choice for her and she has never regretted it. Do what is best for you and your family.

I would say, breastfeed but do it own your own terms! I had a bottle-refuser the last time and this baby will be getting a regular bottle of EBM very early on! He will also be getting a soother if he has colic like his brothers. Remind your Mum that this is your baby and your life. It is good that she's supportive of bf but I'm not sure if she's supportive of you!

Blimey, that isn't support

I am very pro BF but it is your decision, not your mum's. Why not give it a go as plan A, and have formula as plan B. Whatever your decision, you don't have to justify it to your mum or anyone. If it was a different parenting decision that your mum disagreed with (and you must have already encountered this with your DD), what would your reaction be? Do you always go along with what your mum thinks regardless?

You could ring one of the BF helplines and talk it through with someone non-judgemental. It would also help to think through some responses to her negative opinons in this and any other situation.

I hated breastfeeding my first child, she refused to latch on for ages and basically viewed my breasts as something comfy to sleep on whilst having an occasional suck. I gave up at three months and we were both much happier. (and finally started bonding)So firstly well done for doing a whole year (I'm gobsmacked)

No. 2 was a whole different experience, she loved feeding, she was born at 8.06am and by 8.09 she was having her first feed. She was born knowing how to feed (unlike no 1 !!!) If it hadn't been for my PND I could have gone on for longer but at 3 months my PND stared to kick in (again) so she was bottle fed by 4 months. I dreaded having to feed her during my pregnancy but it was a really different experience so I am glad I did it.

HTH.

Had a very bad time with my first, much anger and resentment on my part, and quite unhappy. Managed to sort it around 6 mths, and was happy with it from there, but I have wondered if it would have been better for both of us if I had just to switched earlier on to either mixed or FF.
2nd, was worried about it, tricky and a bit sore for a week, but then absolutely fine, went on for about 1yr. Different baby.
Maybe try it and see.

I dreaded the prospect of feeding my my third child. With my first child, I had a bad experience and barely managaged to mix-feed for 4 months. With my second child I was determined to "put things right" and breastfed without any major problems until she was 18 months old. I didn't particularly enjoy it though, I was proving a point, which I did prove to myself and was glad I did breastfeed her, but when I unexpectedly became pg with no. 3 my first thought about breastfeeding was "oh no, I don't know if I can go through all THAT again" and so I didn't. I did mix-feed him until he was 6 months old, but I made a conscious guilt-free decision to not breast-feed, or continue to breastfeed if I didn't feel like it. I finally felt able to say sod the lot of them and do exactly what I wanted to do.

9UTs - no, I don't usually agree with my mum on much at all, but I was such a hormonal mess after the birth and I knew in my heart of hearts that bfeeding was best so I guess I let myself be cajoled into thinking that things would improve at some point - they never did.

But it is very heartening to hear everyone else's experiences with subsequent babies. I'll just keep my fingers crossed for a "natural" this time!