Breastfeeding, combi and expressing help!

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Hi, my LG is 2 weeks old and from being 5 minutes old she latched really well and started feeding. We exclusively breast fed for the first week and then cluster feeding kicked in and I started to struggle as she would be latched on for 4 hours straight during the day and all night if I let her and I didn’t know how to deal with this. I was also really scared to leave the house incase we were out and she decided she wanted to feed but wanted to be on me for 3/4 hours, how do you cope with cluster feeding and leaving the house?!

I’m not the strongest of people mentally and have had issues with depression in the past and my mother suffered really bad with post natal depression and I wasn’t really coping and didn’t want to push myself into a dark hole. I’d be awake all night feeding and 90% of the time I’d just be sat in the dark crying.
I had loads of support from health visitors and midwifes and discussed and briefly tried combi feeding and expressing but in the end we decided to switch to formula which she has been on for a week.
All my family said things such as ‘it’s the best decision, she’ll be fine on formula’ or ‘you had formula and you’re fine’ which I know they’re just trying to be supportive but nobody has asked how I’m feeling about it and how I feel about stopping breastfeeding.
The last two days I’ve just started crying again as I miss feeding her and feel like I gave up too easy and I should have stuck it out for longer. We didn’t really give combi feeding or expressing a good enough shot in my opinion and I think I made my decision because I was just so so exhausted from zero sleep and wanted my OH to be able to help feeding so I could get some sleep. Now she is on formula in bottles she’s also suffering with reflux and she chokes on her milk sometimes. I know it’s normal but seeing her bring her milk back up or having to pat her on the back cause she’s choking makes me sad especially knowing she didn’t do that breast feeding as she had more control over how much she was taking.

Any advice or opinions anyone has are welcome just please be nice.

I also would like to know, does the cluster feeding stop and would we be able to develop a routine with breastfeeding or does it always have to be baby led and just latched whenever she wants?
Has anyone exclusively pumped that could tell me how hard this is and how much time you need to spend pumping?
Does anyone have any combi feeding advice?
Has anyone any advice about feeding when out and about? I’m not one to just whip the mamas out so would need to be covered, is this easy enough to do?

Hi OP. I appreciate you posted this a week ago, so things have probably moved on a bit. I combi fed and it has worked well, but there are so many variables and it's so personal. I found expressing and bf too much so baby has had a mixture of breastmilk and formula. I couldn't express much and that was stressful in itself. In terms of the cluster feeding, it probably got more intense till about 5 or 6 weeks, then got easier and had pretty much stopped by about 10/12 weeks. Now, bf is really quick, he'll be done in 10 mins. I had mine during lockdown so no reason really to go out and once we could I mainly saw family where I felt reasonably comfortable bf. When I do go out I can decide to feed just before I leave and baby is okay for a couple of hours. Or I'll find somewhere quiet mid way through being out. You get better at working out how to keep yourself reasonably covered up and also baby gets so they can latch much more easily. But this does all take time, probably 3 or 4 months for me. My baby also had reflux with breastmilk and was being regularly sick after feeds until about 4 months. It's so hard in the first few weeks, you just do whatever you need to and you have to look after yourself as well. Whatever has happened for you, enjoy your baby and congratulations.

Hi @Keha thank you for replying!
This is still very much ongoing, I decided to take the plunge and start relactation which isn't easy but I'm hoping it will be worth it. I highly doubt we will get to be ebf but I'm more than ok with us doing combi with breast milk and formula so that is my current goal. I'm not producing enough milk yet but I pop her on before every feed and then I pump in between and we're getting there!
I'm also starting to feel more comfortable about being able to feed her in public. Making sure her formula is prepared correctly and is safe for her to drink whilst out and about is much more stressful than worrying about someone catching a glimpse of my boob whilst I feed my baby!
Thank you so much for replying, it's great to hear a positive story of what I'm trying to achieve :)

Good on you. I've found combi feeding a good balance, although by about 5 months I was mainly BF because it was just easier. But it's nice to know there is formula to fall back on. But I promise the breast feeding gets easier. Good luck!