Help me find the words to articulate to DH why i don't want to give up bfing

[bumperlicious]

My dd is 15 weeks and the last few weeks we've been having some problems (here). basically dd keeps refusing the breast.

Anyway, I'm managing it and trying to get solutions but there are still times when it becomes a huge problem, i.e. me and DD both getting worked up. DH has been fanatastically supportive but in the last few days he has started to lose his patience and would like to see me give up, just because he doesn't want to see DD and I so upset. I told him I was trying to get it sorted, that I believe it will get better and I just didn't want to give up. He say "why not" and said "I just don't". He doesn't think that is a good enough answer, but I can't explain to him why, in spite of the stress I've had with it, I don't want to give up, nor can explain why I don't just want to give her ebm, I wan to try and manage it myself, because I don't always have ebm to give when it becomes a problem, and it breaks my heart to think I can't feed my baby and she is refusing my breast.

Please help me explain to him, and understand myself that intangible reason why I don't want to give up yet, and please tell me that it does get better!

Well it is to do with the bond you feel with her when you are feeding her and it is going well. You don't want to give up on bf as you believe you can still make a go of it (it has not been a struggle for the full 15 weeks has it?). Also if you don't always have enough ebm to give it is the thin end of the wedge towards stopping breastfeeding altogether.

l am in exactly the same position is DD 9 weeks and we have endured 2 mastitus infections and subsequent antibiotic treatments and now thrush inside the ducts which is the reason l have found feeding horrendously painful the last 9 weeks. Have battled to get treated by the GP, but now have (hopefully) the right meds (flucanozole) but waiting patiently for some improvement in pain. DH is running out of patience though, he hates to see me wince at every feed and generally moan about my GP and/or the pain, it does get you down after a while. l also worry my DS who is 2 has not had the best Mum in the last 2 months, l know l am grouchy and haven't taken him out as much as l should.

All l can say regarding how l put into words why l continue is , because when we do have that odd welcome pain free and good feed and she afterwards looks up at me and smiles l feel we really connect and she is saying thanks Mum, all that pain and suffering seems worth while, breast is best and we are determined to get there, l have been there before with my DS and want to go back.

I've had lots of problems too, and have a very supportive DH, and even he has asked me if I want to continue with the BF. I am just like you, despite the stress I really want to make this work. I suppose the only way I can put it into words is that when its good, its such an amazing experience. But as we both know, when it's bad it's soul destroying. Maybe we're both too stubborn or our own good, and should use bottles. But to me, giving up now would just make all that hard work and stress pointless.

don't really know what advice to give you bumperlicious but all I would say is just keep trying. I had terrible problems feeding my DS1 and started him on formula (which I really had not wanted). I saw a BF cunsellor and she advised me that if I kept up the BF, I could go eventually get rid of the formula all together but DH wasn't keen at all and persuaded me to carry on with the bottles.

I still get upset when I think about it and still resent DH about it (it was nearly 6 years ago )

thanks guys. sometimes i think it would be easier to give up and would in someways make me less miserable. i don't feel pressure from anyone to keep gong, the opposte in fact. i just can't explain what keeps me going, i'm just convinced that if we can get past this blip it will be much better.

haylo and lovelove, sorry you are having problems too, but glad you are powering through it. i don't want to feel like you tommy in a few year, sorry you had to give up

i can switch to bottles anytime, but once i give up bfing there's no going back.

I had times like this with my dd. She would often be like this if she had a cold or was teething. It does pass.

I understand your dh feels helpless, mine did too. Had to explain that I didn't expect him to find a 'solution' to my moans, just needed a shoulder to cry on. Also, concentrate less on getting it 'sorted' and just persevere and wait.

Most of these things pass of their own accord, then you forget you even had a problem. I was really pleased I stuck with it and by 4/5 months I think dd and I had really gelled on the bf.

Also my experience with dd1 really, really helped with dd2. Bf has been breeze with dd2 and I'm sure that's because I carried on with dd1.

Ooh your post took me back. I never found a good enough reason - "Because I do" was the best I ever managed! I know that I would have resented it awfully if he had succeeded in getting me to give up, although seven years on, I can now see that it wouldn't have been the end of the world! (In fact it would have allowed him to feel much more part of the family and the feeding process. He got left out quite often since both of my boys were milk addicts!)

However, I think that "I can switch to bottles anytime, but once i give up bfing there's no going back" is a brilliant reason to give to your dh.

Bumper - you're doing really well and i suppose that in his own way Dh is thinking about making your life easier! They just don't understand these men. If it helps I am going thru the same but at 18 months with DD2 - she is biting but this is not a reason for me to stop IYSWIM.

Stick to your guns until you are ready to switch to bottle but hopefully it will all go swimmingly and you'll be up and running with the bfing soon. That baby doesn't know when she's on to a good thing.

Haylo - if the Fluconazole doesn't work get some Extract of Grapefuit Seed (Citricidal). I tried everything, inc Flucon, for my thrush this time around and after months of pain I took Exspore tablets (advice from MN!) and it has been gone for months now. Might be worth getting some citricidal tablets anyway - try your local helath food shop.

Good luck Bumper.

Haylo, I had thrush in the ducts, and as well as the drugs which didnt quite clear it out, I did the anti thrush diet (just google it, basically cutting out yeast and sugar) plus acupuncture. My HV also advised me to soak my bras in vinegar in case any thrush was present there. I also took supplements like Yeast Raiders (Health shops do em). Sounds like a lot but in the end it worked.

Say this,

'When we have a breastfed and it goes well, I find it really rewarding, and it gives me a picture of what it WILL be like when we get the hang of this all the time. '
add

' I really want to give this my best shot,its meant to be the best for baby, and our kids deserve the chance to have that.'

you can also add,
''its cheaper as well, formula costs , so does all the bottles etc'

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If that doenst help a little, talk about a time frame, and your next agreed step. agree together a game plan, get daddy involved. Watching you wince is difficult, as more than likely he is still having flash backs from the birth! its not just mummys who get them!!

I dont like going down the bonding route.............I think its crap, parents who dont breast feed their children bond very well. daddys dont have breast milk, but they love their children.
boobs dont = love/bond

you can be mentally ill, hate your baby and still breast feed.

when anyone says the word 'bond' I think of superglue . There has been plenty of accidents with superglue!